[from Marsha….Here’s an interesting challenge for all our relationships.]
Once you say you “understand”, it’s like saying you know somebody.
Now you never “know anybody” because they’re changing every moment.
If I decide that I “know somebody” and decide they are a bad person, then no matter what they do, I see them as being a bad person. I experience them being a bad person and I have nothing but unpleasant experiences with them.
But if I change the whole makeup and say I’m gonna look at this person as they are right now, even if I don’t come up with a different viewpoint, most of the time, people are behaving pretty nicely. So then I can begin to experience them.
So when we say we understand something, we’ve come to the end of our investigation of that.
Instead of saying we understand, we can put that in the “I don’t know department”. I like to keep an awful lot of things in the “I don’t know” department. I think it works better then.
I don’t know anybody because I’m only “knowing you”; and I like KNOWING you; but I would not want to say I know you because then I’ve settled the matter and I’ll never experience you as you are moment by moment; I will only experience the conclusion I have about you.
[from Marsha…This is easier said than done; but definitely an idea to work with.
One event to event comes back to me. Long ago my husband would get angry and be violent against stuff. He got angry because the tire was flat on his bicycle and he kicked it and got a blue toe. I secretly had to find a bit of humor in that.
When it wasn’t a physical thing and it was something to do with bookkeeping and it was 1 penny out, he would wring his hands and say “goody goody” and he’d go after the error.
Then later on I met a man who went to the nursing homes with me. Something was broken and he looked at it and said “Hum”? I was so amazed, he didn’t throw it or break it. Wow!
And so now I’m with another man. When something is not working he uses some colorful language; but as Dr. Bob says, those are just words. The other cool thing about him is that once he gets it out, he doesn’t hold it. It’s over and he’s back to neutral.
So that was transferring conclusions from one person to another person just because they were men.
Is there any reason to “wake up”?
Could all those conclusions about everyday affairs and people also be true for observing me?]