Good Manners

Now, at 82 years of age, I recall what I learned as a kid  about how I was to behave with simple good manners.  Over the years I’ve observed many changes particularly with the use of technology, Therefore, I decided to see what I might want to consider as what, to me, are simple good manners. 

1. If I use acronyms not familiar to whom I’m talking with, I give a brief description.
2. I feel more comfortable talking to someone on the phone to make a date as sometimes text, voice mail, and answering machines are not seen or heard resulting in miscommunication.
3. If I’m going to be late, it is simple good manners to me to let the person know.
4. Though it’s very difficult, I try to let people finish their sentence and not interrupt yet when I’m on the iPhone with voiceover, Siri tells me lots of information I don’t need and I interrupt her all the time unconsciously creating a habit that it’s okay e. So I need to remember the difference.
5. Due to my blindness I have learned more than ever how valuable it is to be on time for those that are gracious enough to pick me up and take me places I want to go, often very much out of their way.
6. I find it respectful to not berate another for their opinion especially in front of others just because I don’t agree with them rather strongly!
7. If someone seems to deliberately do something that hurts or inconveniences me, I’ve found it valuable not to seek revenge.  I can either originate a kind motion or choose to exclude them from my daily living.  I find criticizing another only hurts me because of the emotion it creates in me and in many cases they are oblivious of how they affect me and others.
8. There is a popular word called snarky and I find that attitude is not simple good manners so I refuse to either express that way or acknowledge people who find it desirable.
9. I remember when I decided it was not simple good manners to gossip about others.  I realized that in doing so, I was unconsciously trying to feel better than them, a case of vanity taking over within.
10. When engaged in conversation, I’ve been working on a simple good manner of letting the other person have an opinion and trying to hear them out—particularly in the 2025 political arena. Often I don’t express my opinion as it can lead to an argument and in an extreme event the separation from friends and family when there is so much more to each of us then the opinions!
11. I recognize that sometimes I want to explain why I did something or why I want something and it becomes annoying to another, so I try to be concise.

In closing, I can see that many of what I learned as simple good manners has disappeared; however, I’ve also discovered that I can’t change anyone.  So what’s left is I can set an example or make a demonstration of what good manners are to me and maybe some will see the value can catch on.  Meanwhile, I can only observe and have agape for them.  Agape is seeing that whatever a person has done, is doing or ever will do, including self, is doing it with what light they have at that moment. They feel it to be right, proper and/or justified.

And if I really want to experience being rude, I practice with spam calls.  I now answer the phone with “Who’s calling” and some get the message and hang up and others I hang up on. 

PS You probably don’t have many experiences being around blind people, but I’ve found simple good manners can be extended to those of us with disabilities and following is a few of those needs.

Blind manners

This part of the blog is extra, but I add it since I’m experiencing blindness in a sighted community.  Many sighted people are uncomfortable and even scared to approach a blind person thereby missing out on some interesting conversation.  So here are some ideas.

If you see a blind person struggling and seeming lost, ask of you can be of assistance.  This happens to me at the gym because I don’t want to sit in someone’s lap by accident and they may not see my cane, so I find the back of the machine and follow it down so I might find a shoulder.

If it is necessary to lead a person, it is helpful for me to hold on to your elbow. That way if one of us trips and falls, we both don’t go down.

If an aisle is not wide enough you can move your elbow toward your back and that tells me without voice to get behind you so I don’t run into whatever’s in the way.

It is well to remember that my fingers and hands are now my eyes, so I may need to touch things and covid created much discomfort around this very natural human connection.

I very often shy away from social situations because I can’t see who’s in the room and so sitting alone is a bit uncomfortable.

If you are speaking to me, please use my name if you can so I know I’m being spoken to.  Refrain please from saying “Can you guess who I am?”  It’s embarrassing and I have many voices to remember.  All my friends and family now are just voices and the joke is that with AI many of the voices don’t have any bodies and are not really human.   For me it’s Siri, voiceover, Alexa, Echo, Ziggy, Jaws and now Meta glasses.  

PSS: So with this age, there are many disabilities.  Living with a deaf person gives me the challenge and opportunity to try to communicate with someone who can’t hear and understand his challenges opposite to mine.

So at any age, we are challenged adjusting with, to us, what is to us simple good manners to those we’re around  –  with their past, present, health challenges and much more.  All this makes it even more valuable to look at the pages within the website and learn how we can be sane and also serve in this manmade world.