Self-image Origin

Did you ever wonder how your self-image came about?  Did you ever wonder where you got it?

I’ve had a lot of time to think about self-image during the pandemic with being sequestered and not having contact with people and the world outside the home. I had to find ways of using so many days alone. Learning from the teaching that vital interest was an advantageous state of being, I centered my days around cooking new recipes, exercising, learning difficult songs, and transcribing Dr. Bob’s workshops on the computer. I tried to keep my mind busy. If I didn’t, I would get in a “down” mood because of boredom and what I saw myself as missing the fulfillment I get from playing for audiences, especially in the nursing homes.  I’ve discovered it feels better to have the attention directed outward rather than on myself.  Doing something creative uses the mind in a healthy way.

While watching Byron Katie’s program each day, I’ve seen many young people with a poor self- image that was an obstacle to feeling independent, capable, and in charge of their choices in life.

I, too, find myself “in and out” of feeling inferior. One method of creating this “up and down” syndrome is to compare myself to others. Mostly I compare the qualities “they have” that I like and don’t see myself as having. I’m less likely to see myself as superior to what I can do that they can’t.

Another find for this self-image issue was when I was in school. My papers came back filled with red pencil marks blaring out all my mistakes.

I have often felt that “looking down on myself” came from all my father’s criticism while I was growing up – therefore blaming him so I didn’t have to be responsible for how I see myself. Through the years, I realized he was only projecting on me how he felt about himself.

We are conditioned. Dr. Bob gave us another hint of where to look so that we could see the truth of the matter and transcend beyond.

The teachings reveal the four great games which you can find on the website; but I’m going to approach it from the results – when we sometimes feel “ugly, abnormal, bad, and out.”

Those labels are so subtle that we don’t even realize it’s going on within us.  There is a link at the bottom of this document that goes into a little more detail about those games, though most of us don’t look at them as games.

The suggestion of feeling “ugly” arises from advertising and big business. We need to have the “latest” in clothes, homes, cars and whatever is being sold. This costs us a lot of money to keep up appearances and feel good about ourselves.

The suggestion of feeling “abnormal” comes from the Medical Arts. They have standards for everything having to do with the body – Dr. Bob mentioned when he began college for the healing arts that they studied what was “normal” for quite a long time. He realized that each body is different and doesn’t fit the “norm.” Therefore, everyone is a patient, because they don’t fit the “standard.”

The suggestion of feeling “bad” comes from Theology. It sets ideals of how we should think and act, which is impossible to attain. Even if we do attain an ideal for a short time, challenges come along, and we fall short of what we’ve tried to be and do.

The suggestion of feeling “out” comes from Power Policies. I have a friend who was really into politics. He had five children, so he put flags on the wall telling his children who to hate and who to love. Of course, that all changes through wars and who is in power.

Then there is another source for the poor self-image. If you check out School Talk #35  entitled “I” (awareness) on the website, Dr. Bob talks about being a child and being told “No!” to everything we want to do. With everything out of reach, we toddled around seeing only butts because we were little.

You see, “one of a kind things” become very priceless in the collector’s market.  You can’t get enough money to pay for it.  So every one of us is priceless — there’s just not enough money to buy us.  Would you be for sale for any price?

We’ve all been exposed to these misconceptions. If you can begin to see these suggestions of being “bad, ugly, abnormal and out” as a fallacy, you have given yourself a great gift. 

[My afterthought: As I was reading and writing about being a unique work of art, I thought about the people and animals I’ve known and loved through the years. When they have died or passed away, I can readily see that there was no other person or creature that could have been so valuable to my spiritual, physical, and mental well-being. By the way, those who I didn’t like and consequently judged were also part of this “Life school” we’re all in. Everyone is or was a unique work of art.  So maybe I can remember that I am, too. I want to drop the poor self-image of worthlessness and begin to see value in what I can do and how I feel about myself.

See also https://www.marshasummers.com/innerman/selfimage.htm]

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Initiative Resistance or Passive Form and Result

Initiative, (resistance can be passive or active and is called second force), form, and result

[From Marsha….It can be a challenge to see the above form in all things, but certainly worthwhile to observe so that we see the fallacy of cause and effect. Most look for the cause, blame it, and have not had the opportunity to delve deeper into what’s really going on. While transcribing through the years, I found this description given by Dr. Bob. Unfortunately at the time I was not indicating what tape it was coming from. Nevertheless, the description is applicable to events of the present time, place and circumstance. The tape begins with a question from the audience.]

 *****

(I’m having difficulties with the four elements of the cause and effect that we don’t see and finding the other two?)

That’s the initiative, passive, the form and the result.  This is in the study and hard for many people to always see.  They say if you can see these four in all things, there is no mysteries left.  Well, obviously you’re not going to see them everywhere you look right off the bat — but again, if you are observant and keep at it you’ll see more and more… 

(For instance, the result is a race riot, ok.  I can see that.  They all have different causes.)

An adaptation is going on.  Before that there was all sorts of people all wound up full of energy to be nervous.  Before that they had to have a feeling of emergency that they weren’t being treated well — and that they were the victims of circumstances and so on.  Before that, there had to be a misconception as to “rights”.  Now do you want to follow it around? 

You take any group of people and tell them that they have “rights” and that their “rights” have been denied by something or someone; and you get them in a state of emergency.  Then you keep that up a little bit by encouraging that they do something about this.  Next you get them all up into chemical imbalance and neuromuscular highly agitated state; and then say, “Tear that place down over there because they are the ones that are keeping us having what we want.”  And you watch that whole building get knocked over there.  There’s a cycle there.

(What would be the initiative and the passive?)

First off was the initiative — that was the misconception or suggestion that they are mistreated.  The passive was the person who was sitting there waiting without critical observation of the “mistreatment” suggestion given to them.  You see, most people are very receptive to suggestion if you tell them they have been mistreated; and that they should look after themselves — you have a very passive audience right there. 

If you say to this passive audience, “You are responsible for yourself and everything in your circumstance.” now you will have a most antagonistic audience.  They don’t hear you at all. 

But if you say, you are the most wonderful people in the world; and you’re downtrodden because these people at one time or another took all your rights away from you; but if you are in the force of power it will bring your rights back to you; and you got an audience that will listen to you day and night.

(They get high on it?)

Oh yes.  But if you walk out there and say, “Look everything you’re doing, whatever you’re experiencing is a balance — you are responsible.  If you don’t like this, change what you’re doing — change your attitude/action; and you could begin to bring about an entirely different situation.

(But in the case of a riot, what is the form?)

The form is the crowd, the number of people. And, of course, the result is the riot.

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Appreciating Others

[From Marsha:  Perhaps during this covid time where so many are sequestered, including self, we can read Dr. Bob’s words about a different way to see those we’re fortunate enough to be around. Read on…]

Now let’s take it that there was only two people left when this big explosion went off — just any one of us and any one of the others, it wouldn’t matter. I would sure take care of you. I would find out what is meant by the word love. I wouldn’t be thinking of you as a sex object. I’d be thinking of you as the biggest necessity to me in the world. And I wouldn’t try to exploit you, use you, abuse you, or steal anything from you or anything of the sort because you are absolutely essential to me. That right? And I would take so good care of you. I’d see that you were sheltered. I’d see that you were warm. I’d do everything I possibly could. You’d do likewise, wouldn’t you? And wouldn’t anybody have to tell us to do so.

It wouldn’t be because I “should or ought to”, or that it’s a must, or I was worried that you wouldn’t like me. It wouldn’t be anything of the sort. I’d be doing it because I really want to in no uncertain terms.

Now if you stop to look a moment, we’re always in that shape. At any one moment there’s only one other person beside me, that’s you. Now if I should ever get down to seeing that is what it’s all about — as though there was not another person on the earth except you – I’d sure want to take good care of you. It would be what I wanted to do in no uncertain terms, right?

And then I would know what the meaning of love means as we’re using it now — it’s beyond agape,  it’s beyond eros, it’s beyond pia, it includes all those. And it’s beyond philia. Now it is an absolute essential, huh?

Now if I could have in all my desiring and willing, that view of every other human being, would you ever have any reason to be afraid of me? Would you ever have any reason to be jealous of me? Would you ever have any reason to hate me? Would you have any reason to have a fight with me on any occasion? We’ve gotten rid of all the little insignificant things now and got it down to the brass tacks. There’s only two of us left on the face of the earth. And I sure am going to know what the word love means. I don’t know a word for that one–I know words for the other four. Don’t have a word for that one, how about you?

(Not any word with meaning.)

No word has any meaning, but we’d sure know what it was, is that right? Now that is the kind of love that the great teacher tried to get across to us. If we could see that, we could then feel ourselves extremely lucky.

Now we’ll say when the big explosion went off, one was quite a long distance from the other. When you finally found the other one alive, you’d sure consider yourself extremely lucky at that moment.

So there is another round; and we do experience that amount of luck, you might say. Now when we could express that in a thousand ways, would you ever have any consideration that I would be picking on you, that I would steal your food — I’d do without to feed you. You would then know the meaning of “love the other guy as you do yourself”. That would get right down to it.

[From Marsha – Happy practicing……]

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The story of Jealousy and Bernice

Long ago in my life, I always wanted to play in a big band.  Loving music, I wanted to do everything I saw anybody do in music, whether it was dancing, singing, playing an instrument, acting – you name it.

It came to pass that a big band guitar player happened to call and ask if I would like to play with the Moonlighters Big Band. I thought, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I don’t have a college education.” But I jumped in anyway.

There are so many lessons I learned – I say Life Lessons in having taken that leap — but I’m here to share this one.

The family I grew up in was very affectionate with hugs and kisses, always saying good night, good morning, and I love you. We were interested in each other – and close.

When I began with the band, there were 17 men and one woman – me. I was so thankful to get to play in a big band that when I went to rehearsal, I hugged any man who came close to me. (No sex intended.)

Ralph, an old saxophone player who had been with the band for years, was included in my hugs. Yet he may have been afraid of his wife Bernice’s reaction.

One day, Ralph said to me, “Don’t hug me; my wife is jealous.” And so, I never hugged him again. Meanwhile, I wondered if I had done something wrong by innocent hugs.

This absence of hugs with him went on until Ralph died. The band held a wake for him with all of us band members playing. I suggested to Bernice that she could continue coming to the rehearsals, which she did.

I also invited Bernice to assist me with the large cumbersome books. As my sight diminished, driving to rehearsals was impossible, and she graciously started driving me to and from the rehearsal hall.

She described her life with Ralph, and there was never any hint of jealousy from her. I wondered, “What does this mean?” I could only guess at Ralph’s motivation to deny hugs. Did he not like them? Did he believe that Bernice was jealous, when she may not have been? Was he embarrassed? Did he come from a “cold” family environment?

The point of the whole event for me was that if I believed Bernice to be jealous and rejected her because of this, I would never have had her friendship. She became essential in finding the current song in one of the gigantic music books for me as well as driving me to rehearsals and gigs.

The teachings I have come to embrace were of value to me. Being open to see “what’s really going on,” I came to question Ralph’s claim of Bernice’s jealousy.  I had accepted his words at face value.

 I’ve heard the Bible mention something about “hearsay,” but I never knew what that word meant. How often have I shunned some people because of the gossip I have heard from others. The gossip is only how those others may see them. It’s not for me to “believe” what they say, but to find out for myself. This lesson has come to me frequently through the years.

There are so many beautiful people in the world. I would like to discover them on my own, rather than listen to others’ opinions, conclusions, preferences, and conditioning.

Since both Bernice and Ralph have passed away, all I can say is they were some of my teachers in this “Life School.” I’ll continue to use this open approach and my own judgment when I am no longer sequestered because of Covid and can again be out there with real living beings – not virtual!

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Chicken Embryo Experiment

From “Have It All Workshop” 1980 CD 3

A man took a chicken embryo heart one time; and he wanted to find out how long this heart would last if it had the proper nutrition and was cleansed of the waste material every day.

So he put it in a little box – a glass box with the proper nutrient and every day he took it out and washed it all the way out to get all the waste products out of it, dropped it back in this little container. Well, the thing kept growin’ and growin’. He couldn’t get it in the container anymore so he clipped off a bunch of it, but he weighed how much he clipped off.

And he kept on and after some 60 or 70 years through three or four experimenters, the thing was still growing strong; and he had cut off almost a ton of tissue. Now that’s how much it had increased. It was growin’. And it wasn’t any older at the end of that time than it was the day they put it in there ‘cause he had kept the tissues clean every day, washed out the end product of the metabolism every day, and he fed it properly. Now it’s all he did to it. Now it didn’t have a brain hooked on to it, so it didn’t get any worries or no tellin’ what would have happened to the thing – it’d probably had all kinds of disorders on it, but as it was, this piece of tissue kept on pumpin’ for all those years. 

So they decided there was no need to run the experiment longer because they had demonstrated that tissue cell is in a continual state of regeneration as long as you don’t pollute it or stress it. Feed it properly, don’t stress it, and keep the pollution out of it. So it would seem that there is physiological evidence – not only that one, but many others that you could stick around and remain fairly youthful; and that you wouldn’t wear out and become an old wreck just because so many days had gone by.

But we have bought that idea very solidly and all these levels so we fear old age, is that one of the big fears? 

[And as a fellow student, Sibel, who is proofing many of the transcriptions said: It covers “the heart of the matter” keeping the inner world uncontaminated …]

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Know vs Knowing a Person

[from Marsha….Here’s an interesting challenge for all our relationships.]

Once you say you “understand”, it’s like saying you know somebody. 

Now you never “know anybody” because they’re changing every moment. 

If I decide that I “know somebody” and decide they are a bad person, then no matter what they do, I see them as being a bad person. I experience them being a bad person and I have nothing but unpleasant experiences with them. 

But if I change the whole makeup and say I’m gonna look at this person as they are right now, even if I don’t come up with a different viewpoint, most of the time, people are behaving pretty nicely. So then I can begin to experience them. 

So when we say we understand something, we’ve come to the end of our investigation of that. 

Instead of saying we understand, we can put that in the “I don’t know department”. I like to keep an awful lot of things in the “I don’t know” department.  I think it works better then. 

I don’t know anybody because I’m only “knowing you”; and I like KNOWING you; but I would not want to say I know you because then I’ve settled the matter and I’ll never experience you as you are moment by moment; I will only experience the conclusion I have about you.

[from Marsha…This is easier said than done; but definitely an idea to work with.

One event to event comes back to me. Long ago my husband would get angry and be violent against stuff. He got angry because the tire was flat on his bicycle and he kicked it and got a blue toe. I secretly had to find a bit of humor in that.

When it wasn’t a physical thing and it was something to do with bookkeeping and it was 1 penny out, he would wring his hands and say “goody goody” and he’d go after the error.

Then later on I met a man who went to the nursing homes with me. Something was broken and he looked at it and said “Hum”? I was so amazed, he didn’t throw it or break it. Wow!

And so now I’m with another man. When something is not working he uses some colorful language; but as Dr. Bob says, those are just words. The other cool thing about him is that once he gets it out, he doesn’t hold it. It’s over and he’s back to neutral.

So that was transferring conclusions from one person to another person just because they were men.

Is there any reason to “wake up”?

Could all those conclusions about everyday affairs and people also be true for observing me?]

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