What will people think?

The phrase “What will people think” is presented frequently through this website as a teaching idea that can reveal conditioning that creates conflict, struggle and resistance within.

Early in my career while working with the teachings, I saw myself drawn into the clutches of worry over what other musicians or people in the audience thought about my performance resulting in anxiety and dispelling any possible confidence in my musicianship.

I was reminded of this valuable idea today with the following quote from my friend:

“Everyone has their own set of ideas with which to evaluate life and our ideas don’t always match those of other peoples.”  Richard Carlson from the book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”.  Chapter 33 “Praise and Blame are all the same”

I figured that since I had worked through this idea for a while as a musician/singer, that it was learned and never had to be remembered or watched again.

Then the blindness occurred. All of a sudden I was beset with the realization that everyone around me could see what I was doing; but I could not see who they were, what they were doing or even where they were.   So that is only one example of using the idea of “What will people think”.  Since observing it many times through the years without judging the discomfort I feel from time to time, I’ve learned to accept it for what it is.

As an example, if I’m performing a colorful song to four people in my living room, one may judge me, the second one may identify with the protagonist in the lyrics–the third may be thinking about what to cook for their party on Saturday; and the fourth may identify with a situation she experienced 20 years ago.  All that has absolutely nothing to do with me or what I’m singing.  That’s a big “aha moment” when I find myself caught in that trap.

“What will people think” is a question to ask when I hear it come out of my mouth or from others. It has been taught through the years whether blatantly or suggested unconsciously. 

Some effects I’ve noticed from listening internally to this commonly heard phrase is that it sabotages any positive view of myself creating a need to somehow change myself to what I imagine they think I should be.

I sometimes get caught up in a false need to impress by whatever means the mind can conjure up by telling of my accomplishments or putting on some sort of a front–the mind is very busy with that noise.  Certainly we need to use a sales pitch if we’re job hunting; but perhaps we can become hypnotized by worrying “what will people think” to our detriment.  

I’ve noticed that the mind likes to convince this awareness that it knows “what people think”; and I have heard myself repeating these misconceptions I believed to others as though it were true—it never is. 

Wouldn’t it be interesting to know what people think of me? Maybe not! I certainly have never had the courage to ask—and if I did, it wouldn’t be a true picture.  It would only be what they thought about me at that moment and tomorrow would be totally different.

Dr. Bob gave us quite a revelation when he said, “Do you want me to tell you what they’re thinking about you?”

The answer was, “They are wondering what you think about them!”  Ha-ha, isn’t that really funny!

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Suggestion—be watchful

A formula for making a suggestion:

1. Create desire by identifying need.
2. Set up a goal with the promise of being “better off”.
3. Show the method and how “easy it is”.
4. Act upon it and imply a guarantee.

  Place of langrage in the teaching

    Who’s in Charge of my Inner State?

It is only a suggestion when it promises you pleasure or comfort or when it threatens pain or discomfort of some sort.

Definition of Suggestion is an idea that creates expectation that something ideal or not ideal will happen in the future.

This idea was used on me yesterday.  A man came to the door.  I didn’t open the storm door, but asked him what he wanted.

He said his group was in the area checking people’s roof safety after the flood of nine months ago.  He said they would check my roof absolutely free, take pictures which they could show me pictures of any damage and give a cost estimate for repairs.

I told him our insurance agency had already done that.  He had some stupid answer for that.

I asked him the name of his company and he said Alex roofing.

I said I wasn’t interested and he said “Why”?

That was a red flag for me. Any “why” he asked would be the scorpion of a thousand tails. He says “why”, I give and explanation and he says it’s not correct, and the endless loop goes on until I, in exasperation, give in – what a waste of time.

But he kept at me and I finally said “I’m blind”.

He said, you’re not blind, you’re looking straight at me.

At this point I’d had enough and said, “Forget it!”

He had something to say to that too.

I replied, “Which word in forget it did you not understand” and he went away.

So he followed the formula:

1. He created a need (the flood probably did something bad to my roof.
2. He set up a goal that after he finished, I would be safe and thereby “better off”.
3. He said how easy it was and it was a “free” estimate.
4. He implied a guarantee that I would be prepared for the hurricane season coming up.

So Dr. Bob gave us this formula so we could recognize when it’s being used on us. It’s fun to recognize suggestion being used on us when we watch TV with the ads for big business. We can see it in the news with politics.  And religion promises us heaven for “being good” and hell for “being bad, and they say they know what “good and bad” is.  And finally the medical and pharmaceutical industries claim their diagnoses and pills will make us well.  It is just a bit of wisdom to not swallow and believe what anyone or anything tells us and to check it out for ourselves.

And if we recognize this formula, we can also see when we are unconsciously using it on others.

I’ve seen myself listening to others and giving suggestion warnings of thing I truly don’t know a thing about but have read somewhere or heard somebody talk about having no personal experience. And even if I have, it has nothing to do with their present situation and I can’t know all that’s involved with it. What am I doing? I think I’m being helpful, but I’m only creating conflict, indecision and as I think about it – what if they do take my suggestion for a solution and it is totally inaccurate for their situation?

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What I learned from Life today

Recently, I was on a road trip and decided to go to a fast food drive in to get coffee and breakfast.

I ordered at the window and was told the total.  I pulled forward to the pick up and pay window and was told that it was no charge.   The previous car had taken care of the amount. It was not a fancy vehicle but a work truck from a company.

I was amazed and delighted – that impulsive gesture by a fellow traveler made my day which was just beginning seem brighter & was in a way a renewal of faith in my fellow beings – and I instantly knew that I would at some time in the future do the same thing. For the first time I really appreciated the saying which has become increasingly popular of late which is to “pay it forward”.

This was wonderful to ponder in light of what we study. 

In the first place, it’s a nudge to pass on a kindness and consideration.  It really didn’t cost that much but it was a powerful statement toward my fellow man—even if I’ve never met them. 

Another thing to ponder is that whenever I do something for someone, I’m looking for the thank you.  In this case, I’ve relieved of that “should” that others must express their gratitude to me.

And lastly, as I was growing up and someone asked me to dinner, it was not written down anywhere, but I was expected to reciprocate by asking them to a meal at my home.

I think saying thank you is very valuable and is good manners.  If I say thank you, the person is more likely to extend more kindnesses.

So as we go through our day, each expression can be looked at individually.  I am just delighted to take this momentary event and ponder what it had to teach me.

One of my friends wrote this to me in response:

Hi Marsha,

I really like this. I love you sharing your experiences and giving thoughts for the reader to ponder.

What’s great about someone doing something kind in that situation is that we never know who did that for us. We have no idea what they look like, gender, race, religion, their politics, etc. It’s like what we, as blind people, experience when we interact with the public and when they are helpful or show kindness. We don’t know what they look like, we judge them by the content of their character. Paying it forward seems to be a similar lesson for people with sight.

Thank you for sharing.

Love, Amanda

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“What do we take for granted that we already have?”

After the hurricane Ian resulted in a flood in my community, I lived in a 16 ft. camper in my driveway with the bare necessities.

After 9 months of renovations, with the kitchen finally workable, I was able to get a plate (not paper) from the cabinet, heat a frozen chicken sandwich in the microwave (without the breaker going off), get a knife (not plastic) to cut the sandwich, get a true glass from the cabinet (no flimsy plastic) and finally pour fresh milk from a half gallon container and carry these to a real desk and continue my work – all the while realizing that these simple things had been denied me for the preceding months.

Sometimes it’s the little things that make us appreciate the more complete picture and being without for a long period of time can make us realize all the daily activities and conveniences we take for granted.

So for a while we’ll be filled with gratitude and then we’ll forget. 

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The Parable of Tidbit

One day Tidbit, our precious cat, discovered the front door open and as cats are known to be curious, he went outside to explore; but there was terrible noises of saws and lawn mowers that scared him so he ran for protection through lattice work under the porch.

As luck would have it, night fell and Tidbit was unable to sound his predicament. In the morning we heard his pitiful meows and discovered him under the wood porch.

We tried to call him out; but he was steeped in fear perhaps even unable to find where he entered.  We made a hole in the lattice work so he could see how to get out; but our effort was to no avail.  Next we tried food and water outside the hole; but all we got was more plaintiff cries.

We sat on the porch in different areas and always the meows were directly beneath us. He wanted to be with us, but didn’t know how to free himself.

Again we went to the hole and after a time, he poked his head out and even came out completely; but we couldn’t pick him up because he can’t stand being held so now he was really in an impossible situation. He hated the leaves and dirt on his paws and who knows what else; but he also couldn’t be saved because he couldn’t stand being carried!

My teacher suggested somewhere in the 48 tapes that we write parables so that we could understand other stories and allegories that have been passed down through the ages like fairy tales and Aesop’s fables. So I realized that Tidbit’s dilemma was a beautiful demonstration of how we wrap ourselves in a self-made prison.

If we work the teaching ideas, it is possible that we may find ourselves trapped in our minds with assumptions, opinions, conclusions and misinformation that we are unable to question and challenge!

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Trading Places

I have on occasion thought about each person in my world.

I might see that they have more in intelligence (Well, I think that) or they might be able to see, or they might be able to drive a car and go where they want when they want, or they might have more education such as college, or they might play piano or sing better than me (Well, I think that too when I compare) or I think they have a happier marriage or they’re alone and don’t have to please or answer to a spouse.

If I really delve into this little idea, I don’t really know the childhood they had—even if they give it to me in great detail.  I don’t know what they struggle with in all the areas of life or what’s pervading their minds or what physical pain they either have had are having or will have. 

When I compare, I’m only looking at what I think they have that I don’t have; and I discount or don’t know the hardships they have had or are having.

It all comes down to……………………………would I trade places with them?  And WITHOUT EXCEPTION, I’ve always said “NO!”   When it gets right down to the nitty gritty, I want to be just where I am – not in the past (because I’d have to do exactly what I did then because that was the only light I had at that time).  I wouldn’t want to be in the future because I wouldn’t have the wisdom of what Life is teaching me today. 

So after that little exercise; I think I could find many circumstances, people and things to be thankful for!

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