A Marsha Summers Blog

Have you ever experienced feeling guilty? Did it haunt you? Did you ever question where it came from? Thanks to the teaching ideas, I have a bit more information to expose this miserable-making emotion.

With the 48 basic tapes, we look into ideals and how we have been conditioned by parents, church, school, society and peers as to what’s right, what’s wrong and what’s good and what’s bad about everything and everyone in this manmade world we’re in.

So with these many bits of conflicting ideas, of what ought to be, beliefs and conclusions WE HAVE ACCEPTED conflict between “A” side and “B” side.  There is fertile ground to always feel guilty for not doing the right thing. Unobserved, I have known those who are burdened with guilt and taken it to the grave missing much of the privilege of life here on earth.

Recently I happened upon “Bible and the inner man” – the first segment of tape 6 takes an idea from Ephesians Chapter 5, verse 14.

Dr. Bob gave us another way to look at the message when applying it to the picture of man which is split in two—the “A side being complain, stick up for rights, and blame to get my way.  The “B” side uses the pleaser, quoting accepted authorities and self-improvement.

So with a question asking where it comes from, Dr. Bob said that if something brings up an A side reaction and we express it, we covertly don’t realize that we justified our verbiage or violent behavior.  Now the interesting part.

He defined it as having justified a behavior from being asleep and mechanically reacting with methods from the “A” side of complaining, sticking up for rights or blaming and afterwards the thoughts flip to the self-righteous side of picture of man to berate the self for said behavior used by justification thereby causing much conflict, struggle and resistance with no relief in sight. 

It is to our advantage to see what’s going on and Dr. Bob commented “Have you ever held guilt long enough that it subsided”.

I’ve found one idea that can work on that is having agape for self; but I’ll let you look that up on the website for yourself.

It is a joy to work with the ideas of the teaching that Dr. Bob gave us.  In elementary school and high school we learn the material in the books, regurgitate the material on a test, pass and then promptly forget much of what was taught.  I’ve noticed that many in the teachings parrot the ideas Dr. Bob gave us feeling like that’s doing the work.

Three ideas that have stuck with me from transcribing many of the workshop tapes are:

I’ve found a way that is new for me since experiencing being blind.  I’m learning Braille and have a Perkins Brailler with which to write and practice Braille.

1. We are the what and X is the how.

I so often hear others say, if God would just tell me what to do, I’d do it.  Dr. Bob said that’s upside down.  So I experimented with that one and found it to be very valuable.  Repeating that – we are the what and X is the how. 

       2. In the “48  tapes” somewhere it is said we only need to report and observe what’s going on and do it passively to X. 

We can observe what’s going on in our external world, but more valuable is observing what’s going on in the mind that gets us stuck.  He even gave us a place to look with the picture of man and the idea of the four dual basic urges.

      3. And he said we could talk to God/X every day.  We each can find our way and many do it through meditation.

I’ve started using the Brailler every morning and writing a letter to X/Dr. Bob just writing what from the previous day was a challenge or what’s happening or I’m going to encounter.  It seems a bit strange  and one sided as I type a letter to an invisible Being, but the benefits have been very interesting and can only be experienced by doing the work whether by cursive, computer or as I do it.

As an example and demonstration I offer this:

A couple of years ago the eye doctor dilated my eyes to check the eye condition.  That night I awoke with such pain in my head that I thought my head would burst.  I had no idea what was going on, but something inspired me to call the eye doctor.  It was discovered that I had a glaucoma attack.  It was an emergency and the eye doctor had me come in and with a laser poked holes in the cataract so there was circulation.  He said it could never happen again.

Fast forward to a new eye doctor who insisted on dilation.  The upcoming appointment gave me much distress and so I took it to the Brailler the morning of the appointment.  I wrote of my previous experience, my fears and confronting the staff.

As I was being led to the room of dilation, I asked the nurse if I could tell her a story saying that I was afraid that the previous doctor had only done the left eye and just knew it was going to happen again.  She looked at my file and said, “No honey, he did both eyes and he’s correct, it can’t happen again.”  I burse out in tears. 

This nurse had experience helping her elderly mother and therefore worked with me instead of just doing the routine work without considering my state of being.  When that happened, she said “God sent you to me.”  Hum. Now isn’t that interesting.

It is an ongoing trip of learning ways to communicate with our creator and it is also valuable to be aware of the answers and experiences that come about after the work we do.

Thoughts go through the mind in a flash and then are gone if we let them go especially those of anger, guilt, fear, and insecurity, noticeable when we are anxious.  They take us away from the present and what is going on right now.

Throughout the 48 tapes and workshops there is reference to opinions, conclusions, beliefs and facts.

Dr. Bob mentions that the only thing that cannot be argued about is facts.  If it’s raining, it’s a fact.  Facts dwell in the present moment.  Facts change quite quickly without notice.  At the present moment a dog is barking.  And as I write this, the dog is not barking.

I’ve observed that whenever I say or hear the words, “I think”, it refers to an opinion from a mind that has not or cannot check it out.   I’ve observed long arguments over opinions.

Whenever I say or hear “I know”, it refers to a conclusion that is rigid and unchangeable.  When one comes to a conclusion, one stops checking it out or is no longer open to more or different information.

When was the conclusion accepted and from what?  Are conclusions facts?

Whenever I say I believe, it refers to something such as the internet, or someone I’ve made into an authority.  Authority simply means author of, and another idea from the teaching is that authorities tell us what to think; and we’re grown up now and we   have the ability to think for ourselves using experimenting, observing and ultimately re-evaluating anyone or anything we’ve accepted as authority.

It is well to remember that we are 100% subject to suggestion 100% of the time.  So it behooves us to pay attention and listen for these three red flags not only from other; but also from our own mind and mouth.

Fact is fact, and fact cannot be argued over, it defies opinion, conclusion or belief.

Another set of arguments and dickering can result from something Dr. Bob called personal taste.  Ah ha, we each have personal taste in activities, nutrition, friends, music. The list goes on and on.  I do notice everyone loves to share their personal taste with me and all they want is for me to agree with them, so I just coo and say “okay”.  That’s usually enough.

Think about it.  What if everyone liked country music—what would happen to classical music, jazz, ragtime, reggae, rap and the like.  What an interesting experiment it could be to listen to the news.  Without opinion, conclusion and belief; the news would have to go back to the old days when it was about 15 minutes in the morning and a half hour at night.   Perhaps we all would be a lot less anxious.

[Yep, I make things important from tiny to what I see as monumental.  However, John B. found this little exercise and sent it to me today. Can I remember and experiment with it?]

From Part 1 Lake Whitney-94 workshop

“Well it’s because that’s your habit and nature is to make things important. And if you pay attention to it and don’t make it important for a few minutes, you’re a little stronger. You don’t make it important for another few minutes a little later, you get a little stronger. And as I said to Bernie, you can pretty soon go five minutes and then five hours, and five days, five weeks and you can go forever without makin’ anything important. I can assure you of that because I’m livin’ it. I’m doin’ it, I don’t know… I’m no better than anybody else.”

Have you ever heard yourself saying things like the phrases below?

“I’ll be happy when I get out of high school.”
“I’ll be happy when I get a job!”
“I’ll be happy when I get married!””
“I’ll be happy when I have a baby!”
“I’ll be happy when my baby can talk!”
“I’ll be happy when my child goes to school!”
“I’ll be happy when my kid is on her own.”
“I’ll be happy when I can retire…”

The list goes on and on and suddenly we’re old and wondering where all the years went.

There is a beautiful teaching story entitled “The Fourth Wise Man”. It is also in movie form of that last wise man and his adventures on the way; and what happened to him.

There is a story we loved to hear Dr. Bob tell about “the traveler and the tripper”.  So the tripper is the one who could not recognize where he was and what, if anything, he could do or what was of value in that moment he was in. Therefore he missed out on a lot that life had to offer.

On the other hand, the traveler was aware of “what was going on” in his day and was contributive to it in whatever way he saw to do that.  Dr. Bob even gave us a hint of what he found to be of value and that was to not make anything important and to do, what to him, was being a good guest. 

He also said he would not be harmful to another and the main two of those was he would not commit violence on another and would not agree with them that they were a victim.

And finally, he said he could make a little contribution to a pleasant mood—but any contribution would be small and usually pretty easy.  In this way, we don’t get all caught up in thinking we know what ought to be for everyone and everything. 

I found these ideas very valuable after the flood when I stayed with my daughter, then my sister and also my son – all in different states, different households, and different lifestyles.  I could be respectful of their values and not impose my own.  I found all of them very helpful in assisting me with the blindness to independently take care of my needs.  What more could I ask for. 

So the point for me is to be happy where I am. Within that idea is to recognize when I’m setting a goal for some time in the future. It creates dissatisfaction with where and what we are in the present. 

Perhaps it is more realistic to see that I want to aim and go in a direction and see where it leads.

Many see “happy” as a permanent state; but as I observe, it comes and goes and often depends on my attitude. Nice reason to keep my mood up!

And so I share this little story that illustrates very nicely what I want to remember and share with you.

              Donkey story regarding happiness

 There’s a story told that a man’s donkey wandered off in the middle of the night; and, therefore, he had to carry his knapsack down the road on his own shoulder.    He didn’t have his donkey to ride in the middle of the day. 

 Then he met a stranger in the heat, and he told him how miserable everything was.  He was so unhappy because he lost the donkey and now he was having to walk and carry his knapsack on his back.  So the stranger to whom he was telling all this story to, invited him to come sit in the shade with him.  The stranger said just leave your knapsack there – – we’ll sit over here in the shade and refresh ourselves.  I have some water with me in a canteen. 

 So the stranger gave him a drink and the guy was carrying on, still just as miserable as he could be. 

 Suddenly, the stranger got up, grabbed the knapsack and ran off with it.  The guy, now, was in one terrible state. 

 Meanwhile, the stranger slipped into the bushes and waited a little bit until he saw the guy coming.  Then he laid the knapsack out in the road; and when the guy found it there, he was very happy. 

 So the stranger came out and said, “Now – you were unhappy because you didn’t have a donkey.”  “Then you lost your knapsack, and now you’re happy because you found your knapsack even though you’re in the same boat you were in when the donkey wandered off.”

 So you see, it’s really very simple to decide that we will have a different viewpoint, but if I choose to be a victim, I am obviously what the world calls unhappy, right? 

 Now if I’m doing something, I don’t think about whether I’m happy or not, but I have a certain amount of satisfaction in doing or being on the way to doing.  I’m now in motive, and I quit thinking about being happy. 

 So we tell people if you are trying to be happy, we’ll guarantee you’ll be miserable.  I don’t know whether   you’ll ever be happy or not, but if you forget all about trying to be happy, you wouldn’t trade places with anybody in the world. 

 Happiness is that proverbial thing—the pot of gold at   the end of the rainbow that you can’t find.  It’s the bluebird saying that “you can have your wishes if you can sprinkle salt on the bluebird’s tail.”  So in other words, it’s an illusion.  It’s a joke played on mankind, and most of us have bought it.  We’re trying to be happy, and who knows what it means – – and why bother with it anyway.

 If there is such a thing, I’m sure it’s a byproduct of not giving a ‘durn’ about being happy—if there is even such a thing.  Who wants it anyway, it may be that all you would do is sit under a shade tree and vegetate. 

It has been very easy for me to take the gift of the teaching ideas and try to follow them to the letter; but I was jolted out of the “ideal” of the necessity of having a quiet mind before reporting by an experience of a fellow student.

Kristin S., a fellow student, was crossing a bridge when her beloved little dog, Molly, jumped off the bridge into a raging river.

Naturally, Kristin was declaring emergency; and she started yelling out loud. “X, MOLLY HAS JUMPED INTO THE TURBULENT WATER AND WILL BE KILLED AND I CANNOT GET IN TO SAVE HER!”

The dog swirled around and around and then was pulled away with the current. Kristin ran off the bridge calling the dog to her seeing there was no way for Molly to make her way to the shore or for Kristin to plunge into the river and rescue her.

Kristin kept screaming to X. Truly the mind was not quiet. Continuing to run down the bank, she came to a drop off that would not allow her to follow any further.

All of a sudden she observed that the dog somehow miraculously reached the other bank and was able to scramble to safety. 

In awe and relief, she raced across the bridge and scooped her beloved Molly into her arms.

So often I will wait until I can get a quiet mind to report and that certainly has a great value; but this little experience has given me the freedom to report with desperate emotion to X and that X will respond every time.

Now there’s another part of this idea of X being the partner within.  We have accepted suggestions through the years that we will get our way if we complain (enough), stick up for our rights (imagined), please (so they’ll do what we want), quote our authorities (politics, big business, religion and the medical arts), self-improve (to achieve an ideal to which we subscribe) and of course blame (they must change).

So is X listening when we choose one of those to “get things CHANGED?”  The problem is conflict because with the “picture of man” we see there’s and A side and a B side – both sides romancing us to “believe” what they say and they each try to convince us that they are on “our” side.

With this conflict, X is unable to respond two opposing views and must adapt to the emotions resulting from the conflict.  It is said that X has to adapt to all the hormones elicited to fight or run and we don’t do that—we just stew.

When Kristin yelled to X, she was of one mind. There was no conflict. And as she experienced, X responded very nicely and she recognized the source.