Workshop - Magic Talk 2 - Part 2 of 3
by
Dr. Bob Gibson
Verbatim Transcript
In creating a companion to the audio files found in the “Links” section,
we provide as close a verbatim transcript as possible.
Dr. Bob’s laid-back “Kentucky-ese” and vernacular is retained.
We’ve chosen to not correct his grammar.
He also used specific words, pronunciation, and dialect
on purpose as tools to get our attention.
Honoring his choices, we’ve made sure to not “clean it up” for him.
Audience (laughter) is noted; he was a master at keeping the mood up!
(Audience participation is parenthesized and separated from his words.)
[Anything emphasized or offering clarity is italicized inside brackets.]
Magic Talk 2 – CD 2 of 3
I'm sellin' ‘em.
I’m not doin' it for them,
I'm not treatin' people nice because they are entitled to it or anything apart.
I'm doing it for me.
I'm doing it because people respond nicer that way.
Don't they, Corita? In other words, if you're pleasant and nice to ‘em they will respond a lot better. Now, some of ‘em will still grump – but they won't grump as loud. (laughter) Some people just can't get along without grumpin’ – but so what. I didn't make my happiness depend on that guy's mood – I'm in charge of it! So, I'm going to feel pretty good no matter if they do.
So, how am I gonna be as non-disturbed as possible?
By consideringother people.
Now, we sometimes refer to that as “external considering.” Now, that is a fundamental. I consider how you will respond, and so I'm not going up and insult you or gripe at you and wanna know why you did this, and why you did that, and why you wore that kinda clothes, and why you wore this thing, and why are you doing that instead of something else. I accept it, it’s fine, I like it like it is.
I worked in a mental hospital one time. We had a lady who told a story over and over and over. Anytime you passed her she'd tell you this story. She said, “I was just sittin', sewin' and makin' him a shirt and he came in the door and he said what he said every time he came in the house: ‘Why are you doin' that?’ And that particular day my hands took the scissors and drove them through his throat and killed him. And I don't know why I did it. I didn't intend to, but every time he came in the house since the day I met him he said, ‘Why are you doin' that?’”
So, you don't go around askin' people, “Why you doin' that?” (laughter) ‘cause they're liable to, involuntary, drive a pair of scissors through your throat. (laughter) And that's what happened to her. She was the one that drove ‘em through it. But she didn't make out much better ‘cause she's been sittin' in that ward for several years tellin' that story over and over and over. See, she blamed an involuntary action for hers.
I used to tell her, "Well, I'm glad you did it," and she’d say, "Oh, you're terrible!" and went right on back with her story again. I'm supposed to sympathize with her – I don't sympathize with nobody because nothing nor nobody is to blame and whatever happened happened… and all you’re gonna do is proceed from there. I don't see any reason to stay back there with that other junk, do you?
So now then, you have a purpose, and then you have a will.
Now then there is one person there – I – and that's all there really is.
And I can choose what I am going to do because I want to do it for one purpose or another. I have a different reason for doing it maybe than you do, or you have a different reason than your neighbor, but the point is that there is no conflict – this is what I wanna do and I'm doin' it. I initiate gettin' up and startin' on it. Okay?
Now then, there is no conflict and if you have no conflict you have no problem. If you have no problem, you don't need people to talk to that solve problems. You know, it's a wonderful occupation is takin' care of people's problems ‘cause they never run out of ‘em, and you can get paid day after day after day after day for solving their problems – which they don't have except they made it up in their head. Because first they blame somethin', and then they felt entitled to it, and here you go and you got nothin' but problems the rest of your life.
I've had people call up or come in the office and they will sit there and relate their problem and they leave just laughin' up a storm – they're so happy! They don't have that problem now ‘cause you know I dematerialize the problem. You know, there really wasn't one there anyway – I just got it out of sight. And frequently in two hours they have another very severe problem. Somethin' came up down the street that wasn't just like they wanted, you know, and so now they got a new problem. Now that's for me to solve. Okay? You never run out.
One of the greatest service businesses you will ever be able to go into is solving problems – personal and interpersonal problems. That's the greatest business you can ever go in ‘cause you never run out of prospects – they're always there. The only trouble is you have a hard time collecting ‘cause they've already blowed their funds somewheres else. (laughter) You have an awful trouble collectin' for it but you'll never run out prospects ‘cause they're there and they're willingly callin' and demandin' that somethin' be done about this problem.
Now, if you decide, “I'm gonna do this,” – now you don't have to stick with it the rest of your life – I'm gonna have a glass of water. And then I'm not gonna let somethin' come up and say, “You been drinkin' too much water and your body is accumulating water and that's hard on your heart so you better not drink the water until 4 o'clock this afternoon.” And so then I wait until four o'clock and I drink the water and then another one jumps up and says, “Then you'll have to get up all through the night and go tee-tee.” (laughter) So what the hell, you know, you can't please the damn things anyway, so you might as well do what you wanna do. (laughter) Okay? That right? You ever go through all that, Joy?
(she laughs) (Oh, absolutely not.)
Absolutely not! You're as solid a one person as there could be, right? (laughter) So, then we can eliminate these two heads here and be one person and you can do it now – it is not something that takes years and months and effort. You know, I tell the people they can do that and they say, "But now listen, it takes time." (laughter) Nobody wants to give up their problems – they're the most valuable things you have. You gotta keep ‘em because look how much attention you get with ‘em – they're the greatest attention-gettin' device around. You call everybody in the country and tell them your problem today, and you go see people, and it's unsolvable because you tell them what they can do about it, and they tell you why it won't work immediately, you know. "I can't do that ‘cause it takes time, it does this, it does that.”
So now I said, “if you want to be without your problem, we can do it right now” – period. First, there is nothing nor nobody to blame for it – not even you – because you just fell into it. No, you didn't do it on purpose, so nothing nor nobody is to blame. Second thing is, I don't want it. And the third thing is, I've got a purpose I want – I want to be as relatively non-disturbed as possible in this living world and I'm gonna use a little common-sense method to get it. Now anybody can do that, that's not hard is it, Joann?
(No.)
Freddie, is that hard?
(No.)
But you won't do it, will you?
(No.) (laughter)
No. Freddie's the best-paid man in the world. He gets paid for havin' problems. He calls me up and says, "Pay day today and I'm gettin' more tomorrow." I say, "That's fine." Freddie's got a system – If you have a problem, you get paid for it. Now if you're going to have problems, please discuss with Freddie so he can tell you how at least you can earn a durn good livin' doin' it, is that right, Freddie? You got a very good income, is that right? And you don't have to turn a tap for it, is that right? Just have a problem – an unsolvable problem, is that it? So now, if you want to have problems please talk to Freddie – he'll give you freely how you can manage to live without working just because you got a problem. You know, you make your own problem and then you go get paid for it. Now, that's worthwhile. So, I approve of Freddie's problems because he gets a good livin' out of it. The rest of us spend money on ‘em, is that right?
You spend money on your problems. You waste money on your problems. You get all upset. You feel bad. You get ulcers or you get headaches or you get arthritis and then you go to the doctor – so you're still spending money on your problems, hmm? That correct?
(Yep.)
You don't need it. Now if you want it – I'm not objectin' – but please know I'm makin' my own problems and I'm enjoyin' ‘em and I've got some value in ‘em or I wouldn't have ‘em.
Now obviously there is no earthly reason to keep a problem –
except you want it.
Because it is simple as one, two, three. Four – get rid of it.
1) Nothing nor nobody's to blame.
2) I don't need it.
3) I'm not carrying any accounts around
and I've decided what I want to do and I'm willing to do it.
Is that simple? One, two, three.
And change your purpose as many times a day as you want to. But this is one that you don't even have to bother with – you been doin' it all your life. So, the only thing you do is change your method of gettin' it. Instead of complainin', stickin' up for your rights, and blamin' and sayin' all these things – you just go get it. Hmm?
I just treat people with a little horse sense – I'm a reasonable salesman. I can make my livin' at it and so I can sell somebody for treatin' me halfway nice, is that right, Johnny? Even you can do that, can't you? Without your PhD, you can do it. (laughter) No tellin' how well you'll be able to do it when you get your PhD done. Robby, you could even do that now, couldn't you? When you get your master’s, you probably won't be any better at it. But you can make people bitchy at you or you can make people treat you nicely right now – even without your advanced degree, is that correct?
(Right.)
Sure. And Jess can do it and he hasn’t even got through grade school or somewhere yet. [chuckles] (laughter) Or what is it, Junior high? He hasn't even got through that and he can do it. Little Julie can do it and she hasn't got through high school yet, have you, hon? No, but you can do it. You don't need anybody to tell you, you don't need advanced degrees and all this jazz – you just need to say, “I'm ready to do it. And I know what I want and I'm gonna go get it with a little sensible effort,” huh?
And you don't need to listen to all the not-I's chatter any more than you listen to people who bore you. Now the not-I’s bore me terribly and the only two people I don't listen to, not-I’s and bores. I get very busy when a bore comes in; I've got another appointment very quickly and I get ‘em out the door and say, “that's wonderful.” Pat, pat, pat.” [mimics patting them on the back as they leave] In the elevator! (laughter) Push the button so it'll close right quick.
So, the not-I’s are the biggest bores I know. They been sayin' the same thing for ever how many years old you are. I didn't say how many years I've been listenin' because I'm not gonna tell you, but if you're 25 you’ve been listenin' to the same thing for 25. If somebody comes tells you the same story over and over every time you meet ‘em. They say, "Did you hear about that?" and they tell you a little story and miss the punch line – and you heard it over and over and over and over – you wouldn't keep listenin' to it would you? And you know some of those guys, don't you?
(A couple of ‘em.) (laughter)
A couple of ‘em – I know two or three of ‘em. And so, they tell you the same tired old story. I told one the other day, I said, “You know, the first time I heard that I laughed so hard I kicked the foot board off my cradle.” (laughter) He didn't catch the point, [chuckles] he didn't catch the point at all. But he told me the same thing. You know, it's like an old war story – I've heard it 30 times. You ever around the guy that tells you his war stories?
(Oh yeah.)
And you've heard it and heard it, and the only thing different is it gets a little better and he's more of a hero with each telling. That's about all.
Okay, now I'm gonna shut up for the rest of the day and you're gonna ask questions and we’re gonna make comments – I'll talk about it. Now then let's hear your question, comment, insult, whatever you got. Let's have it and we'll talk about it.
(Silence… then lots of laughter)
(Bob, it sounds so easy I think we can go home.)
Well, that's what I said. (laughter) It is that easy. [There] Isn't any more, so I said I've said my peace. Now then, I'm gonna sit here and listen to what you have to say about it the rest of the day.
You know, it's like a book. You buy a big thick book; it has one or two ideas and the rest of its commentary thereon. So, when I see a thick book, I never buy it ‘cause I don't wanna listen to all the commentaries. I only buy little books ‘cause then it might have one idea and just a minimal amount of garbage on it – which is comment on it. The guy sells his idea and then he goes on and on and on to explain it to you. You know that's where the word explain came from – it used to be plain and now it's not. It's like an ex-husband or an ex-job or an ex-boss – that was somethin' you did have and don't have anymore. So, explain is – it used to be plain and now after we've commented on it for about 800 pages – it's not plain at all anymore. So now it's been properly “ex-plained.”
(I have a question.)
Yes sir.
(If you can’t ask how and you won’t answer why, what are we supposed to ask?)
Well, I'll answer either one. I said, I'll listen to either one. You wanna lay it on me – I'll take how’s and why’s. And if I don't answer it, I will have you convinced never to ask it again.
(laughter) [talks to someone on the side] He's not through yet, Freddy. I'll be there in a minute.
What is it?
(Seems to me like it's easier to act that way on the outside, so how do you do it on the inside?)
Well, I said you ignore the not-I's, okay?
(Okay.)
They're bores. So, I know what it is I want, so I'm gonna do it, so I'm not gonna listen to these guys here. If I tried to please these two, they're conflicting. You know it's like we had two kids and one wants to go to the zoo and the other one wants to go to a show. And so you decide well, we'll go to the zoo; the one that wants to go to the show's gonna raise hell, right? And if you try to go to the show, the one that wanted to go the other way hollers – visa versa. So, you leave ‘em both at home and go by yourself. (laughter)
So, leave the not-I’'s at home and go out by yourself. I had one lady called me up one day and said she was gettin' ready to go out for a walk – she's gonna walk the not-I’s. She figured other people walk their dogs, she might as well walk the not-I's (laughter) – at least put ‘em on a leash.
And if you don't listen to ‘em, you've won. But you see, the moment you decide what you're going to do, there is no conflict – you took it away from them. When you decide I'm going to do this: I'm going to gain as much non-disturbance as I can with my own effort, you don't have any conflict anymore ‘cause the not-I’s had to shut up and go. When you say, “Well, now I would like to know what I should do,” they come in and call all their buddies in and they take their night courses from last week and use ‘em on you. But I'm not gonna say, “What should I do” ‘cause I'm not interested in what I should do or what I ought to do – I'm only interested in goin' and doin' what I want to do. Does that answer your question, sir?
(Are you saying that ___)
Well, until you have a purpose, yes. If you have a purpose what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna be as non-disturbed as possible.
I know what I'm gonna do with two kids. One wants to go to the zoo and one wants to go to the show, I will either stand them off with somebody else or let ‘em go by themselves or leave ‘em at home. Freddy?
(I think I've been ___, I think what I want is to put on a good front. Like I call you up and I tell you, you ask me, “How you doin'?” “Oh fine ––“)
When did you ever tell me you were doin' fine without followin' it with but?
(Ah…) (Freddy chuckles)
You know that always cancelled the doin' fine. I don't listen to you till after I hear the “but.“ Freddie says, "I'm doin' fine, but doctor, I wanna tell you I feel so terrible about so-and-so." Now I only listen till after you say the but, I don't hear the first three words. Okay? And you're not unhappy except you're enjoying it. Because you know what's to blame.
(I make it hard ––)
Who are you blaming now?
(Nobody.)
Well, you're blamin' Freddie.
(Well, I make it hard on myself.)
Well, no you don't.
(It’s my own fault.)
And now you’re sittin' there, got somethin' to blame. Until Freddie does different it won't be any different. I said you nor nobody else is to blame. As long as you're gonna blame Freddie or the master or the guru or the army or smoking or eatin' meat or drinkin' coffee or drinkin' beer, then you're gonna have a problem. Nothing nor nobody's to blame.
(I know that.)
Good. No, you don’t know that. That's the whole problem. [chuckles] Now if you really knew that, you'd be through with it right now. Nothing nor nobody's to blame. But you always gotta find something to blame, is that right? Forget it! Nothin' nor nobody’s to blame. You just go on and do what you want to. Don't you wanna be non-disturbed? Just go do it – simple.
[he stops to talk to someone] Got your hand up or are you, got a question? Okay, put it down.
Okay, next question, comment? We got two out, let's go for another one. Everybody wants to be as non-disturbed as possible – if you can keep your blame and who's to blame for it and all this and then make me comfortable. You can't make anybody comfortable while they're blaming – totally impossible. Doesn't matter whether you’re blamin' yourself or somebody else.
You know, most people think it's very religious to blame yourself. I had a preacher come in last Sunday. It was about 4 o'clock and he said, "I have sinned mightily." I said, "How do you know? (laughter) Did you have a good time or somethin' and it upset you?" (laughter) So, he couldn't even tell me one little sin he did – he told me several things he'd done but I didn't see they were sinnin', he was just havin' a good time. (laughter) But you know he'd been so brought up in this thing and he's been a minister for years, that if it was any fun it's bound to be sinful – no matter what it was. That's right, and he’d sinned “so mightily.” ‘Cause he stayed there for about an hour and he said, “You'd ruin anybody's religion!”(huge laughter)And I said, "Well, at least you can go out a free man, go out and have a little fun freely for once in your life,” durn it. You're gonna do it anyway, why not do it freely? If I wanna smoke a cigarette, I'm gonna do it freely. I don't drink but if I was goin' to, I'd do it freely. If I was gonna get drunk, I would get drunk freely. No use sittin' there killin' myself about it. I'm gonna do it – I'll do it – and when I get tired of that, I'll do somethin' else. Okay? Let's have the next one here, Lana?
(___)
Yeah, well not necessarily. You say that's what's your purpose. You want to be as non-disturbed as possible and evidently one's gonna have a drink – they feel it aids their non-disturbance. Usually, if you're loaded with not-I's and you take a drink, it knocks out that side that says, "Be good," over there.
(It just puts them to sleep for a while ––)
It just puts ‘em to sleep for a while, and you can just do as you please while he got it – but boy when it wears off!
(They come strong ––)
They come back and, "Now you did it – we’ll give you grrrrrr." (laughter) So who pays any attention to those jerks?
(Nobody.) (laughter)
Except Freddie. (laughter) Who pays any attention to ‘em – why bother with ‘em? If you wanna have a drink – have a drink. If you don't wanna have a drink – you don't have a drink. So what? I don't want one and you know somethin'? it never bothers me. I've had people tell me about this terrible temptation of workin' at a bar. Guy come in the other day and he was shakin' all over and he said, "I got a job in a bar and that sure does bother me." And I said, "You know, I've worked in bars – at a few of ‘em – and never once did any of that stuff run out of the bottle and jump down my throat." (laughter) Is that right, Freddie?
(That’s right.)
You never did have a bottle jump off of the bar shelf, come down and pour it in a glass and jump down your throat, have you?
(No.)
You had to order it and drink it.
(That’s right.)
Right, good, go on and do it – when you want to.
(When I want to.)
When you don't want to, nobody's gonna bother you about it – nothin' wrong either way. But you know, we've all been had this stuff like that preacher tellin' me the other day, “I've sinned so mightily in my day.” Oh, crap, you wouldn't know what sinnin' was if you met it in the street. (laughter)
(Dr. Bob, I have a question; how do you handle the conflict of wanting something now…)
What now?
(How do you handle wanting something now, but if you get that you know you won't have what you want tomorrow morning?)
In other words, if I spend my money tonight, I won't have it in my pocket in the mornin'. I believe they call that wantin' your cake and have it, too. So, I decide what my purpose is. My purpose is to be non-disturbed and it's certainly not to my advantage or a non-disturbed state to originate me a conflict. Okay? So, I have a value as do I want the money or do I want the party tonight? Probably would choose in favor of the party. (laughter) When I got out the next morning, I’d go make some more money. Why even bother with it? So, I'd say well if I wanna have a lot of parties, all it's necessary for me to do is increase my income – not sit around and moan about not spendin' what little I've got. So, I just go spend it, and increase my income. I can just go make some more. What's the difference? I'll work a little longer tomorrow.
(Doctor?)
Yes sir.
(I know we live in America ______, and –)
I think maybe that's what it is.
(There’s no doubt.)
Right.
(He saw a lot of good things.)
Right.
(___)
So, he was doin' what he wanted to do, but that wasn't your purpose. So, you got in a conflict over tryin' to live in somebody else's purpose. Now, if I tried to live by Corita’s purpose I'd be in trouble – I can live by mine, not Corita’s. Corita gets along fine with her purpose for her. And your purpose is fine for you and that guy you met there was – his purpose was fine for him, but why should you buy it? It didn't fit your purpose. You're disturbed livin' his way. He would be disturbed livin' my way – he'd probably die of guilt. (laughter) So, I don’t want his purposes at all – his purposes don't interest me. He's too goody good, you know – no meat, no food, no people, no nothing. Just sit cross-legged and contemplate your belly button. I'm not really too hep on that.
But now, that was his purpose and it was perfect for him – but it didn't fit you worth a damn ‘cause you've been in conflict about it ever since. So why bother with his purposes? Take Freddie's purposes. His purpose is for him – not for you. Just like John Creech’s purposes is for John Creech – not for me. I don't wanna live his way – could care less about it. But it's perfect for John Creech, but not for me. My purpose is to enjoy living as I see living – not as somebody that sits around with his toes crossed all day long. Now, I have no complaint about his purpose for him. His purpose was just perfect for him, Freddie, but not for you or me or anybody else here, okay? So, then what he said his purpose was, I don't wanna buy. Now, I'm leavin' you with a purpose today that everybody here wants – to be as non-disturbed as you can possibly be with your own efforts, not with feelin' entitled to it, okay? And there is nothing to blame for you not being there right now, okay? Okay, any other questions now? Let’s keep on. [silence, no one responds]
Let's take a break for about an hour, then we'll have lunch. (laughter) But I'm ready to start.
[after the break]
___ activity on my part to gain, rather than feeling entitled to it. Now, if that purpose would be satisfactory to you – which I’m sure it will be – but if you wanted another one, there were several simple little purposes. And what I'm doing this for is that we want you to be aware that the purpose is something you do – not something you have. Now, something you want to have is simply a want, and they're fairly easily gratified if you choose to put forth a little effort to get it, is that right? If you want a new truck, you put forth a little effort, you go get a new truck, is that right? So, if I want a new ring, I just admire it for a while and I get it. Takes a little effort but you get it. You want to have dinner in a restaurant, you walk in and order it and be prepared to pay the bill, is that right?
There's really nothing to getting what you want.
Now, comin' up with something you want to do –
which is the only thing that really gives you a total inner satisfaction or gratification –
is doing something.
It isn't in having something.
Having something only last for a very few minutes.
I know a man who purchased himself a $75,000 custom automobile the other day – custom made Lincoln Continental convertible, four doors. They don't make those anymore; he had to have it made. And he had the interior and exterior was midnight blue. The inside was pure leather, the outside was pure lacquer, and the satisfaction lasted something like an hour – about an hour and five minutes – until he drove it into the back of one car who then smashed five other cars. And since then there has been no satisfaction. It's still back to the factory that customized it and it looks like it's gonna be there for several months yet.
So, all these kinds of things only give you very short, temporary satisfaction. You go buy yourself a new suit and you wear it around a few minutes and it feels fine; but then, nah, you've already worn it, hmm? You make some gorgeous somethin' and it's fine the first time you wear it; the second time, nah, I’ve had that on before. So what. You're very hungry and you go in and you get a fantastic meal. When you get through eating, you're not hungry anymore – so what's all that kick about, you know? It lasted while it took you to eat it. (laughter)
But what you do has a considerable lasting effect. Now, if you know that by your own efforts and you're using intentional things to do to gain as much non-disturbance as possible – which is practically 100% – then there's a considerable satisfaction in doing that. You know, you're in charge. You're doin' it. You're takin' it on. You're gettin' along with no disturbance. Bill Nunn said this morning it must be somethin' terribly wrong – he didn't have any Second Force. (laughter) Somethin' bad happening here. Well, you know the world hasn't come to an end. I will see that he has some in a few days. (laughter) If that's gonna make him happy I'll generate some for him – I'm pretty good at it.
Now, another purpose that we can come along, that I can say that I think is a very great one, is to make a little – emphasize that – little – contribution. And that doesn't say the whole thing contribution only means a little part of it – contribution to a pleasant harmonious mood. All moods are pretty wonderful – wherever I am. Now, that's so simple and it works whether you… No matter what you're doing as far as earnin' a livin' or makin' a job or anything, if you're contributing to a pleasant harmonious mood, anywhere, everything is delightful around you. The mood feels good, everything works well, all the grumpy people are less grumpy, and the pleasant people are more pleasant. And sometimes a grumpy one even becomes pleasant.
Now we didn't say make a pleasant mood wherever you are because you can't do that – you can only contribute to it, which means you're doin' somethin'. Contribution is somewhat like the idea of we're gonna make a cake. You bring the flour, I bring the sugar, somebody else brings the eggs, somebody else brings the butter, and we mix it all up and we'll make a cake –somebody better bring some flavoring. And so, everybody was makin' a contribution to the cake but nobody made the thing all by themselves. Okay? So, you can't make anything all by yourself.
Now, a pleasant harmonious mood is probably one of the most contagious things, other than a griping mood, there is. Now griping mood is so extremely contagious that it's practically impossible to go around. That's the easiest thing you can do is just fall into that – and it is highly contagious. But a pleasant harmonious mood is the second most contagious thing on Earth. It'll spread wherever and everything, and affects everybody in sight, and it does radiate a great distance from wherever you are making that little contribution. Now once you begin to see how powerful that is and how much you can accomplish by only making a little contribution to a pleasant harmonious mood wherever you may be – period – then you begin to see that that gives some of the greatest feeling of accomplishment, appreciation, satisfaction, feeling of joy you could ever experience.
Now these are things that are called spiritual values – whatever that may mean – they're not things you can take to the bank. We know that. But they sure do make it a lot easier to take other things to the bank. Now, if you're runnin' a business of any kind and there is a pleasant harmonious mood there, it's a lot more functional than it is when there is the grumpies. Is that right, Brother Howard?
(Very right.)
You've been around it a long time with a lot of different moods, is that right?
(A lot of ‘em.)
And you can sure tell how it works in the business – it makes more bankable when there's a pleasant mood, is that right?
(Quite so.)
So, it's very good, but the spiritual values generate a lot of material values. Now it is so easy to do that. I frequently have people come to me and say, "My marriage has lost all its romance." And I said, "How much did you work at keepin' the romance in?" Now if you act romantically, you're apt to feel that way. In fact, you're not only apt to – you will. But you know, if you just take it for granted, and when the old man comes home, “Hi how are you? Kids sure were fussy today,” and he says, “Don't tell me about your problems, all the people I worked with bitched today.” And they grump at each other a little bit: “Pass the butter, pass the beans, why are we having this for dinner tonight?” (laughter) Now you know that's not very romantic in my book.
(Nope.)
It's just not very romantic. But, you know if you use a little romance like you used to do when you were dating, you know… you call him up four times a day, and you told ‘em how wonderful they were, and how glad you thought of ‘em, and how you could never think of anything but them – and all these little goodies – you know that romance will stay around… with a few touches and feelies added, thrown in, you know. (laughter) But then it would stay around. But it's like everything else – it has to be nurtured.
And a pleasant harmonious mood don't just happen – it has to be nurtured.
And it's highly contagious,
and it spreads about.
Romance doesn't just... it may just happen, but it won't keep growin' unless you cultivate. It has to be cultivated and thought about a little while and do the things that makes it that way. But you know, most people with a little romance, very shortly they begin to take it for granted and think it will always be there – and then they ignore it. Well, it's like a plant or garden or anything else – it rapidly goes downhill. Somebody was talkin' to me about what does the word “husband” mean. And I said, “That’s a person who nurtures things.” You have animal husbandry. You have plant husbandry, is that right, Howard?
(That's right.)
What does a plant husbandry do?
(You nurture, you work at it.)
He nurtures and works at the plants. What does the animal husbandry expert do?
(Same thing with the animals.)
Right. If all husbands do that, there sure would be a lovely world. (laughter) But if you don't nurture it, it’s not gonna grow, is that right, Howard? You and I studied agriculture for years between us I went to school with it, too – and you did. And you have to cultivate and nurture things or they don't grow, is that right? The only thing that'll grow is weeds. And they'll grow without it because, but weeds are the things you don't want around, isn't that correct? That's why we call ‘em weeds – if you ever find a use for ‘em it'd be all right. One time I planted some Jerusalem Artichokes – they were growin' fine about this high.
(__)
Hell no. So, Howard went out and cut the sunflower weeds down. (laughter) He was cleanin' up – cut those things down, boop, pull ‘em up. I wasn't there to husband them that day. (laughter) So, he cut those weeds down – fed ‘em to the cows.
But that is the way things go a bit, you see. So now anything you want, you're going to work at it – a little bit. Now, it's not big – you make some little contribution. How do you make a contribution to a pleasant mood? We’ll have a how-to session, Jim. You're pleasant to people, you’re sweet to them, you give ‘em a kind word, you treat them nicely. Not because you should or ought to but because it's something you want – you know, you want what comes from that. It's not something I should do or ought to do or have to do – I'm no toady. Some lady came in the other day and said, “But you either have to be a pleaser or stick up for your rights.” I said that, “I believe there's a different one there.” There's a different one – I can do it because I'm thankful I'm around pleasant, wonderful people all the time and I want to show it to ‘em. And I am around pleasant, wonderful people – everybody’s pleasant around me because I kinda see to it bein' that way. (laughter) I'm just only around pleasant people. I'm never around old gripes and grumpies – they come in, they can't stand me or they quit it right quick, one or the other. (laughter)
Now we'll take another one that may be big. [writes it on a chalkboard] Be to me what is a good guest – what is being a good guest? Now a lot of people here last night were the guests of Bill and Lana. Now nobody had to tell you, “Now this is the rules of the place around here or you do this.” I didn't see a rule book anywhere but I noticed that everybody behaved as a guest. They recognized they were guests and behaved as such and consequently there wasn't any great disturbances – It was kind of a pleasant evening and everything, is that right, Bill?
(Yes.)
Real nice. Now nobody tore the doors off of the hinges, nobody took the refrigerator and turned it off because they didn't like it, and nobody throwed dirty clothes in the kitchen sink or any of those little things, because everybody was conscious that they were a guest and behaved as such. And everybody would say, “Thank you,” when they got through, is that right, Bill?
Now then, if we could see that Life is that we are a guest here at a beautiful estate called Earth, and there's a big party goin' on, and we're all guests here.
You didn't do anything to get here; you just found yourself here – they drug you in while you were asleep. And you woke up, and burrrr! And you must’ve thought it was some other kind of place, and so you've been fightin about it ever since. But if I could see, well, I'm a guest here and I'm gonna behave as to what to me is a guest – not because I should or ought to or have to or must – but I'm very thankful that they drug me in one night while I was asleep and got me to the party, and I sure don't have to get anything else.
Very frequently somebody comes up and says, “What are you getting out of life?
And are you getting all you want to out of life?”
But you don't get anything out of life – it's already been given to you.
Haven't you had food, clothing, shelter, transportation, interesting things to do, interesting other guests to be around, interesting little contributions you can make
ever since you've been here?
You aren't gonna get any more. So, who wants any more?
So, I would like to say thank you for what I've already had – not what I hope to get.
And so if I behave as a good guest, it's only because that's the way I can say thank you for having been invited to this party. [bells start chiming in the background] And I am sincerely thankful for having been invited, even though I didn't understand it at first. I got along with it all right until I found out what it was like and all those things there. Course, you know at first that’s why I was wantin' to get this, that, and everything, and all the things up.
I can't compete with the carillon. [bells that are playing in distance] Besides that, that’s time to go to lunch. Let's start at 2 o'clock and I will be here. And if you're here, we'll find something to rattle about – if nothin' else we'll talk about the first talk we had this morning. I hope you enjoy your lunch and as many as possible go up and see the Cotton Patch. Have a very pleasant lunch.
[after lunch]
Okay, this afternoon we'll start off by talkin' about magic. Now that oughta get your attention. Huh? We'll talk about magic.
Magic is how to get things done with an unusual manner sometimes –
so we'll talk about it.
Now another word for magic is the ability to make up the mind.
It has a 'd' on the end of it, even though they tell me that it never comes out – I know it belongs there, okay? And so, it's the ability to make up the mind singly. Now, the average person has a great trouble comin' to make up their mind – they call it the agony of decision. So, here comes somethin' along and instead of being able to say, “I'll do this or do that,” they start out with all the reasons they should do it and all the reasons you should not.
One time, I was up in northern California and I visited a man and I went in his home and he had one room in his house fixed up as an office. And he had a long roll of butcher paper. It was still on the roll but he had pulled off about 60 feet of it, and he was drawin’ up a line up the middle. And he had the reason to do it over here, and the reason not to do it over here. And he had never come to the end to get one ahead without thinkin' of another one to go on the other side. So, I asked him what he was tryin' to work at and he said he was tryin' to decide whether to sell the house or not. So every reason he could think to sell the house, he thought of a reason not to sell it. So he had been agonizing over this for many months. He hadn't come to either one because one side of his head – he was one of those two-headed people we had the picture up here this mornin', you know – and so whatever this one was sayin' to sell it, this one would give a reason not to do it. So obviously he couldn't do it and that was an agony for him.
Now we see people everyday that’s havin’ an agony of decision. Now if you have sufficient data about something, there really is no reason to make a decision – it's obvious. If you don’t have data, you might as well run an experiment and do it anyway. But it won't be a decision – you just run an experiment then.
Now, let's say that you could singly know what I want to do. [writes on the blackboard] “What I want to do.” Whatever it may be. Who is to say whether it's something you should do or not do or ought not to do, or whatever. Somethin you want to do and you say, “I'm going to do it.” Period. Not, “I hope I can do it” or “I'm gonna try to do it” or all these mealy-mouth things. You simply make a commitment to yourself – I'm going to do it. Or if it is something you want to have. [writes it on the blackboard] “What I want to have.” Just as simple. And you say you're gonna to have it. Now you might go to work and you may not have it for tomorrow, who knows? You may have it before you can turn around twice – but it'll be there.
Now, I don't ever bother to get anything for myself – I don't ever bother what I want to have. I do do this one. I decide what I want to do.
And frequently I get many calls, many times a day for somebody that wants to have something. It may be an object, it may be a situation, it may be a circumstance they want – but of course they can't decide to have it, they just hope they'll get it. They're not even sure that it could ever be possible. In fact, they usually tell me it's impossible anyway – there's no way it could happen. And they'll contend with me for a while and I will say, “if you will shut up, I'll see you get it,” okay? (laughter) If you’ll just shut –
[End of CD 2 of 3]
Continued............