Excerpts - Ending Resistance

Initiative-Resistance-Form & Result
(difference in "aim" and "goal")

Excerpt from Newport Beach Workshop #3-4*
(*Audience participation is in parentheses--notations in brackets have been added for clarification )

So we're going to talk this morning about ending resistance.

Now in about everything we start to do, we "initiate" something. A lot of us don't initiate; we wait for "it" to happen. But if we start to "initiate" something, generally the next thing that comes along is some "resistance". Now the "resistance" seems to be necessary for most everything including making wine and movies. It takes a little "resistance".

Now from the "resistance" comes about a "form". A "form" is something we can visibly see and from the "form" comes a "result". Now it seems that these are always necessary in the ordinary situation except when we decide something else would be our purpose [When we listen to the not i's and act on what "they" say from the purpose of seeking non-disturbance at any cost]. Now as long as my purpose is to complete or to create various and sundry things, there's always this resistance.

Now in the "resistance", most people get into some sort of conflict about it. They feel that there is something personal about it; but usually there isn't anything personal interfering with it. It's just the nature of the stuff. Marilyn has produced some wines that she calls and says that they have died, dead--gone, shot out and then they get a write up in the paper later as very dramatic wines and so forth. Really all the resistance and the aggravation was unnecessary.

(They died.)

So they died, they were resurrected after a while.

(That's after talking to you.)

Well, it doesn't matter how; we're not talking about that. They were resurrected, is that right and became dramatic--all the beautiful adjectives that people drag out.

Chris has been making things and couldn't finish them on deadlines. Everything looked impossible to her;but other people brought their work in and the titles were upside down and screwy so they couldn't use the equipment, so then she got to use it. It works all right, you know.

So we do not have to have this "resistance". Now the reason we don't have to have it is that we can change our purpose a wee bit and possibly you don't change what your doing at all, but you have a different viewpoint of it.

Some time ago without having any other reason to do it other than it sounded like a good idea that day, I decided to make my purpose to be what to me is being a good guest. In other words I feel that all of us here are guests of Life on this planet and that we can enjoy ourselves and have a pretty good time as long as I'm behaving as a guest.

Now I’m going to decide what to me is a good guest. I'm not going to ask you or anybody else what a good guest is. For most of us, the minute we decide on something, we then we get lots of various opinions as to what we "should" do about it. Now I'm the only one that's going to decide what is being a good guest.

Now since I've started that, and that has been several years, I have had no "resistance" to doing it. I think the main reason is that nobody knows what I'm doing. But to me it is being a good guest--one day that might be straightening out a bunch of sick wine--another day it might be doing something else; but whatever it is, there's no "resistance" to it. You have the "resistance", I don't.

So to be what to me is a good guest is to kind of take care of whatever comes along to do. It is to be considerate of all the other guests at the party, to be harmless to the best of my ability and I think I can do that fairly well--and to make some little contribution.

Now I don't want to make any big ones--which would get me tired. So I just make little ones--some little contribution to life, or the party, or what's ever going on here. There is absolutely no "resistance".

So you can "initiate" about anything or let somebody else "initiate" and it doesn't make any difference. Somebody else has something they want done. Without any "resistance" in it, the "form" comes about very quickly and the "result" is usually rather interesting. Now there are no deadlines, the wine doesn't have to be well in the morning, it can sit there a few days while it gets well, or resurrects or whatever the stuff does. There is no "resistance" whatsoever unless you could call timing a little "resistance", but I don't even see that as a "resistance". Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes it takes a few days, sometimes it takes only a few minutes, right? It's according to what the requirement is--it only takes a few minutes sometimes. Sometimes it takes a few days.

(Bob, did I hear you say that you don't need resistance to get form?)

No, in various creative activity there is already some sort of a "form" around--as long as there is already a "form" of some kind--she has a jug of wine or a batch of the stuff--a tank. It's already there; I don't have to bother with producing that.

(Well, there was also the planting of the grapes.)

So the only "resistance" is time, I said. Now if we were all impatient to have something the next minute every time, ok; then you made a "resistance" because you were resisting time. In other words the growth process or whatever it is.

(On the way to pick up the grapes, say you got a flat tire and that's resistance to…….)

Well, no, unless you're all insistent on time. The only thing is time. We make a tremendous resistance out of something that isn't a "resistance".

(Oh, I see.)

So let's say it takes an hour to cook something. Now would you call that a resistance or is that just……….you got an hour, what are you going to do. You might as well let it boil or whatever it may be.

(Bob what about the crops growing……..)

So, we already got a "form" and we're not fighting that--again, it takes time for the seed to grow into the plant. So we have something called impatience. That's the word that's most commonly used, isn't it?" We're very impatient. When we want something we want it not when it gets ready, but right now.

When you go to build a house it takes a little bit of time. Now if you're not fighting time, you have no "resistance". But if you're fighting time which is something that I see as no reason--it is going to be there, so I can be a perfectly good guest and allow some time for any situation or any event, any circumstance to take place--any growth.

Would you say that you have been known to be a wee bit impatient, Miss Marilyn.

(A little bit.)

And that is the only problem you have--really! The rest of it is all taking care of itself very nicely, isn't it?

(Yep.)

So there is no "resistance" except your impatience.

(I'm creating my own resistance.)

Right. Now it is totally unnecessary to continually create a great big block in our way--make ourselves miserable because any ordinary process requires some time. If you're going to bake a cake, it's going to take a little time. Now if you get the batter all mixed up and say, "Why can't I have the cake right now?" you have a problem. Is the problem for real? Is it really a "resistance" or is it Life. Life flows and everything requires an interval for something to "Be".

An other word for time is distance. So there is a distance between two points--point A and point B. Now I wouldn't call time being a "resistance". That is just part of the process that does. But we generally make ourselves tremendous difficulties by wanting no time for anything to happen. I don't see time as a resistance. I would just as soon be here this morning as somewhere else.

(So the four forces are initiative, time, form and result.)

That would be a much better word. Now if I fight with time, I turn it into "resistance" and "conflict" and make a problem out of it. But the only "resistance" that we could even remotely admit was a "resistance" is time. So a person broke his leg. It averages taking about four weeks for it to be all well and ready to go again. Now there's no "resistance" in that. But if the person were a bundle of impatience, it might take a lot longer because they jump up and start running on that leg tomorrow, next day, next day and it would be a mess. Then you have created all kinds of "conflict".

Now if we take the same situation here. We have "initiative", and "time". Now sometimes that is very short and sometimes it is extensive--but who cares. Then comes the "form" and then comes the "result". Now if I want to go from "initiative" to "result" and miss "time" and "form", those two inner steps, I have bothered myself a bit, is that right? You get yourself in a turmoil by not recognizing that time which is another word for distance is--I believe--perfectly natural. It is not a problem. It is not a "resistance".

That's what it takes to do. Is there a time element in building a house? Even though you went out and got all the materials and had them all lying on site. You have all the men show up for work as you want them to and they did their thing--it still takes time for the house to be completed, right? Now is that a problem? That is just as natural as digesting food--it takes a little time to digest your food. It takes a little time to eat. It takes a little time to sit here. It took a little time to get here from Washington. It took a little time to get here from Hecker Pass. Time is not a problem.

Generally speaking we make a problem because we have something in us that says "it's gotta be done now" or we are impatient. Now what is impatience?

(Wanting to skip the two middle steps.)

Wanting to skip and make straight cause/effect out of four things going on; and consequently, when we are making anything important, we have anxiety. And when we have anxiety, we stop everything from flowing. Have you ever noticed that?

You've never noticed that impatience creates anxiety which says, "I can't stand to wait for things to grow." If I stick a plant in the ground today, I should harvest grapes off of it mañana -- at the latest, preferably this afternoon.

(I don't do that.)

You let them grow-- it's just with the wine that you create the problem. Squeeze the stuff, it should be ready to bottle in the morning with perfect wine. But there is a time, a distance or certain processes it goes through in order to do whatever it does. And when you decide to hurry up the process with some of your fancy initiations, you kill it.

Now that's like the impatient person who has the incubator set and they are hatching chicken eggs. They try to help the chickens out of the shells; but they only kill them, that's all. It kills them But if you let them alone.......

(I'd try it.)

I know you would try it. Get them out of there right now; and not only that, they should be 3-lb fryers by morning. You called me one day and wanted to know how to quit having problems. So you don't mind if I work along with you, a little, because all of the rest of you have the same problem.

(It's all the same thing.)

So with all your little impatience, along with everybody else, to have everything go from "initiative" to "result" immediately, and say, "Hang up these two inner steps of resistance and form." The only "resistance" is time. Now if we start fighting with it, we make a million things go haywire. The chickens die--the wine sours--then all sorts of things have to be done.

But if we only allow time--which can be only a few minutes in some cases and it may be weeks in another case. How long does it take to build a house, basically, with everything going like you want it to?

(About four months)

About four months. So that's a pretty good time to build a house out of the ground, isn't it--from a bare lot to a pretty house on it takes about four months.

How long does it take a grape from the time it sits on the vine with a little flower-type thing until it's ready to squeeze?

(I don't know.)

It takes several months for it to grow--and anything else we do. Now if we can look at one thing--that time which is a natural requirement, is there; and I'm not going to fight with it--now you have ended about 90% or more of all the things that one gets anxious about. Now anxiety is the antithesis of what we were talking about yesterday which was enthusiasm.

A lady called me early this morning and she was very highly agitated because Friday is her birthday and she doesn't have any arrangements made for it; and so she knows she's going to be alone, miserable, have a lousy day. Now she knows Friday--already. Now she says, "I'm not impatient!" BUT......... You cancel all that came before the "but". So after the "but" she's having the "screaming mee-mees" over Friday--now that's only four or five days away. But again, we want to eliminate the natural requirement of time. We got to have it all done right now.

Isn't that true in business or anything else? Now once we get that "right now" going--then we have anxiety. And when you have anxiety, everything screws up. Now then somebody without anxiety better go to work on it or it's going to screw up but good--permanently. You're going to turn it into a bucket of worms.

Now all conflict, basically, comes from anxiety, or comes from impatience. All conflict basically comes from impatience. And impatience makes a big bundle of anxiety and anxiety screws up everything in our whole day's existence, week's existence. So it screws up everything then.

Now how does one find the way to be patient?

(I just recognize there is a time element.)

That there is time required for everything; and that the time is there and that it's going to do, and it's nothing personal. It's really not a "resistance"; it's part of the natural process. But if we see we don't want it there, then everything that happens becomes a "resistance". And we do have lots of troubles with "resistance", because "resistance" is conflict. We said conflict, struggle and "resistance" is the only human problem. And it all comes from impatience, not because it is anything haywire about it.

(sometimes there's haywire.......)

Yeah, after you get anxious, you make all sorts of things important. But just simple time is no problem.

(Sometimes it's sick.)

Well, that's all right. It gets well; it takes a little time for a sick person to get well. People call up and tell me they are very ill, they have several fancy diagnoses and say, "Will you do something about it?" I say, "I'll put my head on it." They call up the next morning and say; "I'm not any better."

(I call you about the wine and say, "It's not any better.")

It's suppose to be done overnight--it would be better if you ran back out to the shed and it was all all right right now.

If you're building a business, or you are having any kind of relationship--everything takes a bit of time to perfect it. The word perfect means to "complete" as I'm going to use it. So to get something working complete, and have it all "together" requires a little bit of time. Now is that a "resistance" or is that the nature of things. We get all upset about the nature of things and we want it when--NOW. It will be there now, and now it's doing its thing. Now why should I interfere? The chicken is hatching, but you don't pull the shell off in a big mad rush.

So, conflict or struggle or resistance, call it anything you want to--it's all the same thing--is the only human problem. That really is the human problem. That's it.

So if we're not resisting something, not in conflict with it, not struggling with it, which is the only thing you do [in your head]--then there is no problem.

(When we decide to make a film, a variety of things happen in that process and the "result" is very different. What you "end up with" looks a lot different than what you planned because various things have interfered or......)

..........happened. Maybe they didn't happen at all--maybe they made it better.

(Exactly.)

That's not anything to be in a conflict about, it's there?

(Except when you're in that process, you think that you want to direct it a certain way; and it's not going that way because various elements are changing that direction.)

Time is putting new elements into it, isn't that right? So when you plant a seed, time puts new elements into it. First it comes up and makes a little sprout, then it makes a little doodad and then, finally, it bears. But it probably wasn't exactly as you had in mind all the way.

(So just because something isn't the way you designed it to be, doesn't mean that there's a "resistance"...)

It means that it's growing. In other words, you see one time you were born as a little bambino. Mama couldn't have imagined what you were going to look like today--no way. You've had a few of them around, could you imagine what they were going to grow into when they were little folks.

(Nope.)

No way. So time made changes. But if we're not impatient to have MY WAY RIGHT NOW, in other words let nature take it's course, so to speak, let things grow and evolve-- then there is no "resistance". Now I think that we could all look at everything as a process. Growing is a process, whether it is a bottle of wine, or a film or whether it is an aero-space project, or whether it is a business project or something else, it always flows and we really have no way of imagining the "result".

Now we can "make a plan" that is absolute in our head, but we are assuming we can see the future. And that is one of those assumptions--we really don't know. So when we" initiate" something, we know the aim in which we're going, but if we make a "goal" out of it--for it to be exactly as we wanted, we have a million "resistances".

You really have no idea exactly how the wine is going to taste when you haul the grapes in and squeeze them--you know the variety, but different years do different things.

(We talked about that. What I was looking at was getting the aim or the picture much clearer........)

Well get your aim, but don't make nature fit it. What you get comes out better most of the time, I've noticed.

(That's true.)

(That's where I was off because when I started, I didn't know. The ones I just "whimmed" like "Gee, that would be nice if that was like a French bouquet." turned out like a French bouquet.

Yeah, but then you started making it important to make it turn out that way. You got all kinds of "stuff" going on there because you got smart into "thinking you knew".

(I know)

How to end the product. In other words what we're talking about is that we plant something, allow time to take place and the "result" comes out fantastic down here. Now the time has to be there.

(But it's also true that when you plant, you do have an aim in what you're planting.)

Absolutely--make it an aim, but not a "goal". Now suppose I went out and planted bell peppers. I had a picture of a bell pepper in my mind. Every one of them weighting exactly 4 oz, 4 1/2 inches high and none of them had funny little noses on them or anything else. But some of them do have funny little noses and some of them are small and some of them are big--and one now and then cracks open. So I know the aim but not the end product--the aim will get me awfully close to it, probably better than anything I would figure out if I had an exact picture of how it had to come out.

Now an aim is what we're working for. Let's take somebody that starts designing a very sophisticated piece of equipment. Like Gary has a widget that makes human pictures and everything without any pictures to start on. He changed it a lot along the way because he had to ask the machine what it would do at a certain stage of time in it's growth--and then he went with that. Now he had is aim to begin with, but what he ended up with was much better than what he had in mind.

So can we allow that we are in a partnership with Life, X, as we generally use the term. I will determine the what and I'll let X take care of the how to bring it into an even more perfect what; and it will really work instead of "You got to do it my way." Now it seems that it gets to a certain place there and you keep insisting..................

(other side of tape)

......sometimes when you're building a house, you think of something along the way.

(What I've been finding is that sometimes "something happens" that we have to start "working around" and then the end product has something new, say a loft area.....)

Right, or something that's better. So it really comes out better if you'll let it evolve. Now you allow the time and you see that you didn't have a picture, but a new one "comes in" that you got something a lot prettier, right? It grows.

So everything that we do is, shall we say, organic which means it's alive in a "form" of the way which means it's an extension of you or maybe you, or maybe you. When you make a movie, it is an extension of what you had in your mind and it grows. It's like a child; it won't grow exactly as you had in mind. It will grow off a little different. But in all probability, the end product will be something more wonderful than you had in mind anyway--very seldom would you have thought that your wine would be described as dramatic--especially when it was ill. You had another word in your head for it--I had to talk very hard to keep you from dumping it. Now it's all coming along pretty good. We still have one "sickie"?

(Yes and it's in there too--it's got all the components, just got to get over......)

It's just got to get over the flu. It'll get there all right. It's got everything but the little odd smell in it yet.

(No, taste, yucky.)

Nutty.

(We'll call it nutty.)

Meaning not exactly like pecan.

Now let's talk a few minutes about--shall we call it impatience, or shall we call it--non-recognition of the one element that's involved in everything called time, which is natural and is not a "resistance" in it's truest sense. It is a natural component of growth, or evolving or maturing or completion or whatever words you want to use.

(You're no longer calling the soil "resistance" to the seed.)

Well, yeah, it probably is, but to you and I, it's only time.

[Blank place on tape]

(No it's not in my world)

It's not in your world, it's in the seed's world; and the seed needs it--it's a part of its growth. I would only see it as a time factor. I planted seeds a certain day in the year; and I had a general aim to harvest that kind of stuff so many months later. Now about all the things "it" goes through--I'm not even sure that that eggshell is a "resistance" to the chick--it's only the time it takes to pick through it and get it kicked off.

We're the ones that make it into a real "resistance" because we continually resist the "process". Now the "resistance" that really counts to our existence is that we resist processes--things taking a moment. Or we resist the process of growth. We resist evolving in ourselves.

You resist. You and I have talked about things for several years, to say the least, but there's always you resist doing it--not because it requires a time element, but I think maybe that's what we all resist is "it" will take me a few days to develop a new habit. We resist "it" because we can't do "it" by reading about it, or hearing it. If it's not there "right now", it must be impossible, or it's difficult, or its hard or something. We resist time continually. That is our greatest "resistance".

Let's have comments and discussion.

(Whenever I don't think I have enough of something, I get into conflict--if it's time--I don't think I have enough time.)

100% like the rest of us.

(But I'm still being unrealistic about what can be achieved in this period called time. Another way of looking at time is that we're looking at it unrealistically.)

That would be exactly accurate. We look at "it" as being "something I don't have" rather than something that's already going on anyway. Now we all have enough time.

(But when we look at the time differently, it changes completely.)

Oh yeah!

(There's someplace I've been twice that I was late each time--it takes 45 minutes to get there. So when I went there this Saturday, I realized I was doing it again--I had only 25 minutes to go someplace that takes 45. So I thought, "Well, I'm not going to look at it that way at all." "I'm just going to be there." And I got there in about 15 to 20 minutes, but I didn't look at my watch once.)

But if you had been fighting time, you'd have been in a conflict, struggle or resistance with it, it would probably have taken you 50 minutes.

(The first two times it did.)

Because you were in a struggle, conflict and resistance. Again, we say time is the only human problem. It all means the same thing.

(By my attitude the first two times, fighting the time......)

And the third time, "What's the use of fighting it, and you just went along with it and you got there ahead of time.

(Fifteen minutes ahead!)

Isn't that something?

(Can we change the amount of time a process takes by our attitude?)

We can sure change "how long it feels like it is" anyway. If you're a very happy individual, time goes zip, zip, zip, and zip. If you're bored or aggravated or annoyed, it never gets over with.

(But really, it does get reflected.)

Sure, it's reflected on the watch, on the speedometer on the car, yes, all over. Because when I am not anxious, things go smoother. But if I'm fighting and I feel in conflict with time or struggle with it or I'm resisting it, I'm anxious and when I'm anxious everything takes a lot more time, even to get the car down the street. You see, anxiety is the sign that the problem came out of. That's the first sign of the problem is anxiety. "It's" not a problem--conflict, struggle and resistance is the problem--and the sign of the problem is anxiety. Have you ever had a little of that?

(Most of the time.)

You enjoy that huh?

(Nope, that's why I'm here.)

Ok, then we'll quit. You will allow time for any process or any situation to take place whether it's to build a business, or whether it's to allow wine to go through all the processes it goes through, or a cake to bake, or whatever--kids to grow up and so on.

(I'm dealing with--HURRY.)

You're in a hurry, aren't you?

(Oh yeah!)

For what? What are you trying to get to-------a cemetery somewhere? Only person that would like for you to do that is our funeral director. She likes for everybody to hurry up and get there.

(And only if it's time.)

(When I was catering, time was always a problem to me because.......)

Naturally because the minute you got the order you wanted to have it all ready to set on the table.

(No, it wasn't that. It was that so many things couldn't be done until the last minute, and there was only a limited amount of time to do a lot of things.)

That's what you said.

(and then there was a deadline; I couldn't wait because there was going to be 100 people come.)

Well, 100 people, you feed them.

(Yeah, but that's.......)

Well, that's easy.

(It wasn't.)

I know, the way you would do it, it wasn't easy; but I know that it is easy. I've cooked for 100 people and far more. In fact I pulled one off for over 3,000 one day. It all got done at the right time.

(But I suspect you allowed a certain amount of time to do that. You didn't try to.......)

Yeah, I allowed all night. That's what I worked, all night. I figured what it would take. So I went to work at 5:00 PM and finished it up at 7:30 the next morning, it was all ready. I figured that would be about the right amount of time to do that.

(By the time we notice, we're already anxious. Do you have suggestions of how we get rid of it?)

Yeah.

(It snuck up on us.)

You're already anxious. Without paying attention, you got all anxious. Now how do you get over the anxiety?

(Right, how do you get rid of it?)

I'll tell you, you call up somebody you know fairly well, or go around somebody you know and say, "Now watch a very anxious person perform." You do it for about two minutes and you start laughing yourself and it's over with.

(You give yourself five minutes to remain anxious.)

Oh yeah, I'm perfectly free to really be anxious for the next three minutes--just really work it up and get with it; but I like to call up somebody that I know and say, "Now this is how an anxious person performs, you want to get a good lesson." And do it. In other words, you're not fighting anything else again.

(I gotcha.)

We're free to experience it just like we're free to experience time process. Now when we get caught in it, if we "should" discover that we are anxious, we can then be perfectly free to be anxious a few minutes. Now basically what we want to do is that we're very impatient to get over being impatient, is that right. That is the ultimate conflict, see?

What was it the man said? "I pray thee, oh Lord, teach me patience, and do it now, damn it!" Do it now, let's don't fiddle around with it--I want patience and I want it right now.

Next question, comment.

(Don't you get resistance when you make something important?)

Oh, you get 100% resistance that moment--the minute you make it important that there be no time involved, and that's the only thing you make important about it. Then there's 100% resistance, immediately; and that really is "resistance", but it's all self-made from anxiety that we made because we were in struggle, conflict and resistance. We made a problem, and the first sign of it is intense anxiety; and everything that we do--when we're anxious--works lousy. You know, if you try to do something when your anxious, it all "balls" up. If you try to make wine when you're anxious, that wine is all screwed up.

And you know if you try to make money when your anxious, it screws up too.

(Laughter from the audience.)

(That's why I don't have any.)

The only time you make money is when you're perfectly free to play around.

(You don't give a damn.)

Right. In fact if you really wish it would quit coming in, it piles on you.

(I don't know anything about that.)

You've never tried that one, but that is a fact. If you are really trying to make money, it becomes almost impossible. There's a leak runs in every direction. When you're doing it for fun, Miss Mary, what happens? It accumulates right quick--when you're doing it simply because you're having fun doing something. So would you go back up on Hecker Pass Hill and just have fun making wine and let the chips fall where they will--let nature take it's course, ok? You'll have fantastic, dramatic brilliant and all these other fancy terms that wine connoisseur's use, which I never know. You know all that lingo--how to describe all the taste. ........

(I like it or I don't like it.)

Ok, that's as far as I can get with it.

Next question.

(Is the idea then that when you report for something you want to X, that all that lacks with having it is time?)

That is exactly correct. And you get all impatient for X to get on the ball and do it and X seems to say back to you, "If you know how to get it in such a hurry, you go do it." X then gets off the job. So when you report something, the only thing that stands there is the time it takes X to actualize it, ok? Which is a growth process and takes time. And even X isn't going to speed that up for you; but we're very impatient about X doing it. So I'm saying that impatience is the way we get into struggle, conflict and resistance. Without impatience, we wouldn't be in struggle, conflict and resistance, and everything would flow freely.

Now you have reported lots of things, right? And you have felt that most of them didn't happen, so it must have been that you reported improperly, is that correct? And that's the error I'm trying to correct this morning. You reported fine--everything was going fine--but you got impatient and thinking, "Why isn't it here right now." Then you start monkeying with it and X says, "Hang it up" and goes away. So X says, "You handle it." Then you get in a struggle, conflict and resistance. First you're impatient, you make this and then you wind up with anxiety and so you get nothing.

Somewhere there is a book that says: "the double minded man need expect nothing from Life except the hassles he gets." The double-minded one is the one that ignores the fact that everything takes a process to get it completed.

(You report first one way and then the other.......)

And then there's no telling what's going on because you're fighting yourself--a little not "i" comes and says, "Well, if it didn't produce it in ten minutes, it must have been that you reported inaccurately." So then you begin to fiddle with your reporting, and then you're reporting a chaos of things instead of one thing. If you report one thing and go on, forget it, it will take care of itself. You don't bother with it anymore. You just say, "that's the way it is." Like you said when you realized that "you didn't know how", you said, "I'm gonna make wine with a French bouquet. " You went on about your business, and that's what you got. But then you begin to set all kinds of little details into it--and then you said, "Well, I don't know, did I report accurately." "I better do it again." and you make the stuff sick.

Any other question, comment?

(Yesterday you talked about people that say that's what they really want and then you watch them walk away from it.)

Real quick like?

(Is it because they want something...........)

For a few minutes anyway. But if they can't have it in a few minutes, then they try something else. It's got to be right now.

(What about if we don't do that. If we say this is what I want.......)

And just leave it alone. You're not anxious for it to happen instantaneously. In other words the impatience is gone, it's going to take a little process. I don't know how long the process will take; but I know that it will take a little bit of time--for anything to evolve to completion.

(I can see it in little things like the other day I wanted a little pair of white work pants that had loops where you could put your hoe and things like that. I was in Nebraska enjoying browsing and there the pants were on sale.)

Now it took a time from when you conceived the pants with the tool belt built on it until you got to Nebraska and found them, is that right? But you weren't' making that all important.

(I didn't care.)

Now put everything that way.

(One other thing. I set up a whole bunch of things to do, ok to bring to completion. We're going to plant a vineyard. We've got the "form". It's like I always think I have to have something I'm doing. I've got to keep busy. Is that impatience?)

Well, naturally, you got to make things happen right now--that's why you're so durn busy.

(I go home and if there's nothing to do; I say, "What am I going to do?" I got to do something.)

You feel terribly guilty that you're not seeing something to do. Here I've got all this money invested in here; and I'm sitting here like a Queen looking out the window at the gorgeous view, and I should be doing something. So you get impatient to do something.

(I'm going to look at it from every angle.)

That's right.

(I go to Nebraska, I have a good time....)

Because there's nothing there in Nebraska that you're supposed to be doing except being a princess and a lady and you're just there as a guest. Why not be a guest everywhere's.

(I don't think I'm supposed to. It's when..........)

Now we heard it! That's what I "should to", "ought to do", "must do" and "supposed to do". Now we heard it. In other words you're not supposed to be peaceful when you're home. You supposed to be a bundle of anxiety to show that you're really sincere about this thing. When you go to Nebraska, all you are is a guest there, is that right?

(It's like last week I went to the beach and then I went shopping. Now here comes "my" not i which says, "What did you do this week?' I said, "I worked really hard, I got up every morning at 5:30 or 6:00 am.)

And the not "i" said, "What about those days you went to the beach."

(Yes, the not "i" said, "How come you're out goofing.")

And you can't lie to a not "i" because it went with you. Then you felt all torn up. The not "i" went with you, so it knows everything you did and so it's going to tell you about it. It's no use lying to a not "i". You might as well say, "I goofed off." But why do you have to account to a not i?

(What I did was I got angry then and said, "Why do I have to account to you.")

Well, you don't--ignore them. You know you're not obligated to answer every question anybody asks you.

(This one has so many questions--constantly.)

The not "i" is always questioning you.

(to the point of .............Ahhhh)

Until you explain it. You got to explain everything. So ignore those not "i's". You don't have to answer it; you just act like "they" don't exist. You're under no obligation to answer every question that arises in your head. The not i says you're supposed to feel guilty and you are to sit down somewhere and feel miserable for a while.

(It's all there--I mean everyone comes in and says, "This is heaven, here." And then I got to get working...)

I got to pay for this some way or other.

(I know it.)

You went around here for years wanting the place and you got it--the utter epitome--with no real effort on your part, is that right?

(There was a lot of conflict.)

Well, I know, but there wasn't anything that really went bad about it, and here all of a sudden you had this beautiful place.......

(There was a lot of crap that went on.........)

Well, I know, since you got the place, but I'm talking about before gettin' there. It kind of just fell in.

(The whole thing fell in, but I had a lot of conflict the whole time.)

I know, you've been making an issue out of it since you got it--you don't feel entitled to it.

(I don't.)

Right. Now then, there's you're whole thing, you came around and said that's what you wanted. You remember, you laid it out. And you got it and the minute you got it, some little not i came running up and said, "You're not entitled to it." And you've been jittering yourself ever since. Now if it had been a shack on a hill and a run-down place, you might have felt entitled to it; but this layout, you couldn't feel entitled to it.

(Well, I'm not.)

Well, give it to me then, I'm entitled to it

(No way!)

I'll take it.

(I'm trying to work hard to be entitled.........)

Well, you'll never do that according to the not "i"; no matter what you do. So just accept it as a gift. They tell me the greatest giving in the world is to receive graciously--because it gives something or someone a very good feeling. So will you put that in your head and "boil" it a while. The greatest giving in the world is the ability to receive graciously!