Definitions - Motives
Excerpt from Newport Beach Workshop*
(*Audience participation is in parentheses--notations in brackets have been added for clarification )
[One of my daily challenges in staying awake is to "remember" that it is impossible to know "my" motives and "other's" motives for what I/they say and do. I often observe others telling me they "know" why someone "said or did" this to them. To believe that we know "why" someone "said or did" something is a misconception that can lead to false feelings of emergency and many unpleasant emotions. It can also lead to a breach in the relationship, which can be detrimental to both parties. I often think "I know" my own motives for a certain statement or behavior. If I look back at it later, I can often find other motives, reactions, and beliefs that were contributing to the action. I also find that I can say certain things, which are misconstrued by someone I'm talking to. Perhaps there is a conflict of meaning in the words. Perhaps the "inner state" of one or the other is not conscious at the moment. Whatever is going on; I can at least put it in the "I don't know" department. This can allow time for some understanding and clarity to come through. So this is a very short paragraph from the workshop, but it can have a dramatic effect upon our day if we will be aware of it.]
[So here's what he said.]
I do not know anybody's motives including my own. I'm sure that for everything we do, there are jillions of motives we never ever think of. I may give a great big reason. Somebody comes up and says, "Why'd you do that?" Well, I usually give them a "quickie" and go on about my business. I really "don't know"--there may be a lot of things. So I am never concerned about anybody's motives!
[I know there is more material on this subject throughout the workshops; and I will add it as I run across it.]