From Marsha<\/p>\n
I often find myself reacting to disapproval or even to words that I interpret as disapproval.\u00a0 In the workshops, Dr. Bob often talked about \u201cpersonal taste\u201d.\u00a0 Some things we like–some people we like.\u00a0 It has nothing to do with whether the thing or the person is \u201cbad\u201d or \u201cgood\u201d.<\/p>\n
It is simply my \u201cpersonal taste\u201d which is actually of value.\u00a0 Can you imagine what would happen if every man liked only one kind of woman?<\/p>\n
But aside from that, I often wondered what I could say when someone disapproves.\u00a0 The urge to defend and explain seems to elevate into who\u2019s \u201cright\u201d and who\u2019s \u201cwrong\u201d and possibly a big argument and hurt feelings.\u00a0 If I see myself as having done what I did as right or proper or as the only thing I could at the moment with what light I have, there\u2019s no need to defend or explain.\u00a0 We each are doing our best with what light we have.<\/p>\n
But my next question was\u2014well, where can I go from there?\u00a0 Below are several statements that John found on the website that one can experiment with.\u00a0 I found it hard to use these statements in the beginning as vanity said I \u201cwasn\u2019t being true to myself\u201d.\u00a0 Ha, so much for that.\u00a0 I can be peaceful inside anyway.\u00a0 John explored the website and found more about the situation of experiencing wanting approval and escaping disapproval.<\/p>\n
From John<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been looking at the teaching about \u201ctaste\u201d and particularly like the experiment you suggest when confronted with someone\u2019s disapproval by saying:<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks for reminding me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks for pointing that out to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou may be right about that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, you could say that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll consider it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me look at that\u2014I\u2019ll spend some time with that\u2014thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a sucker for approval.\u00a0 I think it says something about me!\u00a0 What might one say when receiving approval? My conditioning would be to deny or play down the approval with false modesty which seems anti-agape.\u00a0 So it would seem that accepting approval would be in order; not because it says anything about me, but because the other person is expressing their taste which they think is right, proper and justified at that moment.\u00a0 So just a simple, \u201cThanks\u201d would seem in order. The next moment they might just as easily express disapproval of me.<\/p>\n
Interesting\u2026.\u00a0 Thanks for the experiment.\u00a0 As Bob said, \u201cNobody can tell you one thing in the world about you because there\u2019s nobody in that skin but you.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
From Marsha I often find myself reacting to disapproval or even to words that I interpret as disapproval.\u00a0 In the workshops, Dr. Bob often talked about \u201cpersonal taste\u201d.\u00a0 Some things we like–some people we like.\u00a0 It has nothing to do … Continue reading