For years I have heard the statement that I \u201cshouldn\u2019t take things personally\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve often wondered what that meant and asked myself how I could get out of it so I was immune to the effects on my inner state.\u00a0 In former years, I thought what they said about me must be true and I must do a lot of changing to gain their approval.\u00a0 This excerpt gives me another way of looking at what people say to and about me that puts a wedge between what they say and how I can see it differently\u2014making it impersonal .<\/p>\n
From workshop Albion 1972<\/p>\n
Then, obviously you\u2019re going to have sensation\u2014all this approval is is that I sense somebody who says, \u201cI like you\u201d or \u201cThat\u2019s a pretty suit\u201d or \u201cI like your weird tie\u201d or \u201cI like your hair\u201d or \u201cI like your behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s all it is – a matter of them expressing their taste.\u00a0 It expresses absolutely nothing about me.\u00a0 Did you ever realize that?\u00a0 Somebody says, \u201cI like you.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019re only telling you something about their taste; they\u2019re not describing one iota about you.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get the big head over it because all they\u2019re telling you about their taste, not a thing about you.<\/p>\n
They walk up and say, \u201cI can\u2019t stand you.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019re not saying one derogatory thing about you; they\u2019re only expressing their taste.\u00a0 They haven\u2019t said a thing about you, and I take it as though it was something serious\u2014accurate–true.\u00a0 No, it isn\u2019t, they haven\u2019t said one iota about you\u2014they have only expressed their taste\u2019 and I give everybody perfect freedom to express their taste\u2014it has no effect on what I am.<\/p>\n
So if somebody walked up to you and said:\u00a0 \u201cI love you.\u201d\u00a0 All they\u2019re doing is telling you they have a taste — that they approve of you at the moment.\u00a0 It\u2019s a statement of their state of being at that moment, not a thing about you.<\/p>\n
And if I say, \u201cYou are the loveliest creature in the world.\u201d\u00a0 I haven\u2019t told you a thing about you, I\u2019ve only told you about me.\u00a0 You see we\u2019re always talking about ourselves and other people talk about themselves; and we have a form of insanity called \u201cideas of reference\u201d.\u00a0 Did you ever hear that everything that is said, I think that it\u2019s about me and I get all pushed out of shape over it\u2014So that\u2019s my particular brand of insanity.<\/p>\n
So you have \u201cideas of reference\u201d.\u00a0 You immediately jump to the conclusion because somebody has a personal taste that it somehow relates to you.\u00a0 Nobody can tell you one thing in the world about you because there\u2019s nobody in that skin but you.\u00a0 The rest of them can only talk about their taste, and everybody\u2019s got different taste.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
For years I have heard the statement that I \u201cshouldn\u2019t take things personally\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve often wondered what that meant and asked myself how I could get out of it so I was immune to the effects on my inner state.\u00a0 … Continue reading