{"id":305,"date":"2020-10-30T11:38:54","date_gmt":"2020-10-30T15:38:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/?p=305"},"modified":"2020-10-30T11:38:54","modified_gmt":"2020-10-30T15:38:54","slug":"results-of-getting-caught-up-in-blame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/?p=305","title":{"rendered":"Results of getting caught up in blame"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Anger, guilt, fear, insecurity <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[from Marsha:\u00a0 I read a description a while back about four possible results that can happen when we get caught in blaming. I started transcribing in 1994 and I finally found that description again; and can now share it with you. I have observed sometimes when I have become disturbed at what someone has said or done, I was not able to let go of it for days. I imagined conversations of what I should have said and great arguments to prove that I was right and what I could say the next time I was with that person.\u00a0 The thoughts ran like a horror movie. I would try to escape the inner argument and turmoil; but it was always stronger than I could ignore. So here is a sketchy road map of what happens in the four roads of blaming.]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From DC Workshop 3 & 4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Bob says\u2026\u2026..When you got stuck with \u201cit\u201d [blaming], you felt\nhurt.  Now whenever any of us feels hurt\n— if you will observe the next thing you do — is look for blame. That is ole\u2019\n#6 [see picture of man on website] comes up there in a big way \u2013 you look for\nblame because somethin\u2019s bound to be to blame. \nNow we may most commonly express blame by sayin\u2019 \u201cwhy\u201d did this happen\nto me, huh?   \u201cWhy\u201d didn\u2019t he do so and\nso.  We look for an impossible answer\nbecause \u201cwhy\u201d has 10,000 answers or none whichever one you want, huh?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Any answer would be right.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any you like, but it won\u2019t stay more than a minute or two\nbecause another one comes up, right?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So you look for blame and when you look for blame, you will\nfind it.  Now there\u2019s four possible ways\nthat we will find to blame<\/p>\n\n\n\n

           Blaming \u201cthem\u201d results in anger<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you blame the other person, you will find it was him or\nher to blame; and then you will feel anxiety and the blame will take the form\nof \u201canger\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now every now and then this one jumps up over here and\nrelays off several conditionings from the past because Mother always told me if\nI would \u201calways do the right thing\u201d, that everything would work out fine.  Did your mother tell you that?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Uh huh. Still does. )<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you tell your kids that lady?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(No.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You didn\u2019t tell \u2018em that? \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I told them that it is life and nothing is either fair or\ngood or bad because\u2026\u2026.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026it\u2019s really not, \u201cit is\u201d; and that\u2019s about all you can say\nabout it.  But it\u2019s not fair, is it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(If you expect it to be fair, it isn\u2019t.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, it surely isn\u2019t. \nIt\u2019s not fair \u2013 nothin\u2019 fair about it. \nSome people are born rich and some are born poor; and some are born tall\nand some are born short and all this good stuff \u2013 nothing fair about it.  Some born with a high IQ and some are born\nwith one to just barely get along with. \nSo there\u2019s nothin\u2019 fair about it; but nevertheless we can sometimes find\nthat maybe I goofed up a little bit.  Now\nthat\u2019s not too frequent — understand — but it was the way I was trained and I\nwas trained real well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              Blaming \u201cme\u201d\nresults in guilt<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So then we can feel guilt. \nNow did anybody here ever feel guilty?  \nDid you ever have a guilt feeling Barbara \u2013 it\u2019s a mess isn\u2019t it?  Did you ever? \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I have a permanent guilt.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Carry it all the time.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026everywhere you go.  Did  you ever feel guilty Hon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Yes.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s horrible isn\u2019t it \u2013 a mess?  So we feel guilty.  That\u2019s another form of anxiety.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Don\u2019t know \u201cwhat\nto blame\u201d results in fear<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now the next thing that we might feel is that we \u201ccan\u2019t for\nthe moment find what to blame it on\u201d. \nHave you ever been in that shape Mr. Pinkous?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Oh yes.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well that\u2019s what you call \u201cfear\u201d.  You see we don\u2019t have fear when we know what\nto blame it on.  We can get \u201cangry\u201d.  We can get \u201cguilty\u201d.  We can get aggressive or what-have-you; but\nwe can\u2019t feel fear.  Now fear is that\nfeeling you have when you are hurt and you\u2019re looking for blame, and you can\u2019t\nfind something right away to blame it on. \nDid you ever have fear?  And\nwasn\u2019t that the situation?  You couldn\u2019t\nfind exactly what to blame it on.  You\ndidn\u2019t know whether to get angry.  You\ndidn\u2019t know whether to feel guilty.  You\ncouldn\u2019t find exactly what to lay it on and then you feel fearful.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Also when I don\u2019t have control of the situation.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well I know, but then you\u2019d have control of it if you knew\nwhat the cause was, wouldn\u2019t you?  When\nyou\u2019ve had something to blame it on, you would know what to blame it on.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

                     \n\u201cUnable to control\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

               \u201cBlaming\nresulting in insecurity\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now \u201cwhat you think when you don\u2019t have control of it\u201d is\nwhen you feel \u201cinsecure\u201d which is a very similar one, but it\u2019s another way of\ngoing at it.  I know what the blame is;\nbut I can\u2019t get a hold of it because so and so has charge of it and I\ndon\u2019t.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now wouldn\u2019t it be nice if we was totally in charge of this\nworld \u2013 you could move everybody just where you wanted them?  So we come up with these \u2013 \u201canger\u201d, \u201cguilt\u201d, \u201cfear\u201d\nand \u201cinsecurity\u201d because \u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I walk around with all four of \u2018em.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah.  Well most of us\ndo Mr. Pinkous, that\u2019s our usual state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now those usual states one or more of them at any given\nmoment is what most of us carry around to some extent, huh?   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now let\u2019s refer to all of those with one broad word of \u201cstressful\u201d.  We\u2019re full of stress.  We\u2019re all wound up to do something and that\u2019s\nit; and so we don\u2019t feel what you call \u201cat ease\u201d or \u201cpeaceful\u201d or \u201cpleasant\u201d or\nthat you can go on about your work without having emotional turmoil. Is that\nright? It does interfere in your function.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Sure does.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because we were never designed to have them.  This was one thing we were never equipped to\nhandle.  We could only have it when we\u2019re\ntrying to use \u201ctruth that was for another time and place\u201d Therefore, those are\nfalse feelings of emergency for every one of us \u2013 they are anxiety and we were\nnever equipped to have them.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now when we\u2019re full of stress, the body mobilizes  — X does the appropriate thing here because\nif I\u2019m angry or feel guilty or fearful or insecure, the only appropriate thing\nto do would either to be \u201cto fight or run and hide\u201d.  Now I\u2019m stuck standing here with my face\nhangin\u2019 out and what can I do about it.  It\nis not appropriate to fight and there\u2019s no place to run, so we\u2019re stuck with\nthe stress, and X does the appropriate thing which is to adapt the body with\nsoreness, stiffness [see vicious cycle and adaptation on the website].  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

[From Marsha: You can also go to \u201cSchool Talks\u201d on the Webpage and see #26 Motion in order to relieve the hypnotizing of the blaming that won\u2019t let go \u2013 can be fun too!] <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Anger, guilt, fear, insecurity [from Marsha:\u00a0 I read a description a while back about four possible results that can happen when we get caught in blaming. I started transcribing in 1994 and I finally found that description again; and can … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=305"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":306,"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305\/revisions\/306"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marshasummers.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}