School Talk 7 - When I am Properly Loved
(audience participation in parenthesis)
So today we’re going to talk on the very fundamentals of the nature of boys and girls or the male/female humans. Basically this information hasn’t been put out before; and it may never be put out again, so you better listen.
In order to kind of introduce the affects of not knowing about it, we’re going to let Miss Katie Lee sing you a song on what her complaint is because this boy/girl relationship isn’t understood. So we’ll first start with Miss Katie Lee’s song, ok?
“I may have grown a trifle hard, a bit unkind and calloused; but I don’t need some psychiatry.
I understand what’s wrong with me.
I have never been properly loved, properly loved, properly loved.
But when I am properly loved, it’s bound to rearrange me.
I’m only waiting ‘til I feel those sentiments I know will damn well change me.
I have never been properly loved, properly loved, properly loved because I’ve not been properly loved, I’m lacking an essential.
Though I’m a stinker, love will show that underneath I’ve got a great potential.
In the love of a Daddy and a Mommy, three husbands and a brother, it was some pretty good stuff.
Oh, it’s not that I haven’t been loved, I haven’t been loved enough.
No, I have never been properly loved, properly loved, properly loved.
One day I’ll be properly loved, though it’s mighty hard to suit me.
I’ll be a woman warm and kind, a living dolly. Love will just transmute me.
In the love of a varsity backfield, two admirals and a sailor, it was found pretty good fun.
Oh, it’s not that I haven’t been loved; I haven’t been loved by one who makes me feel most properly loved, properly loved, properly loved.
But when I am properly loved, I’ll be transformed and suddenly something fine will shine from me, when I am properly loved.”
So now that we have heard the appropriate complaint about the subject which we will talk about today, I will begin to try to put some stuff on the board. So we’ll draw a ling and put the girls here and the boys here.
So the fundamental nature of boys is to be competitive. That’s not to say that some ladies aren’t competitive, but they’re competing for a different reason. Mostly the boys are competing to get ahead of another guy somewhere around or whatever be the case.
The girls are romantic. I don’t know how to spell that, but anyway we’ll get it up there. So if you go down to the store and look around, you will see what I mean.
Who buys all the Gothic novels and the Harlequin novels?
The girls all buy them—men don’t ever buy those things--they don’t need them.
Who looks at the sports in the news section? Who reads all the sports if you bring the newspaper in the house? Who grabs the sports section?
The boys all grab it? Right? So here they go with it. Now each of them complains about the other one. The girls complain because the men are so unromantic, and they’ve always got their head stuck in the boob tube looking at the ball game or they’re reading the sport section.
The men are complaining because the women watch soap operas, read a bunch of trashy novels—all this stupid stuff and they want to go to the movies that have a little romance in it. Each finds fault with the other and neither understands the other’s position. So not understanding, they are in conflict most of the time.
Now for some forty years, I’ve been more or less making my living by listening to people’s problems. I didn’t say doing anything about it, but I sure have been listening. 90% of all problems I hear are of that nature.
No longer ago than this morning, I had a little 9-year-old girl in here who was in apparently severe agony and pain. But as I inquire a wee bit about it, she’s very romantic about her father which is very natural for a little 9-year-old girl. I understand this having listened and read many books and so forth; and her father, of course, is all interested in competing--first to earn a living for his family and second to be involved in ball games and all kinds of sports activities.
So when he goes out the door, the little girl screams. So she’s got a way to keep Papa home. She has a horrible pain and ailment; and if he goes out the door, she cries—so he stays home. He’s even given up his job to stay with here, but that’s not quite enough. It’s still not enough because he’s still just staying at the house and he’s not patting her or giving her pretty little words and she still doesn’t feel romantic enough, so here is a severe illness—totally miserable looking situation to look at—and this is all because neither understands this little situation.
Well, we couldn’t expect the little girl to understand this, and we probably would have no hope that her father would understand it; and we could follow through with thousands and thousands of incidents of people.
I told one man who complained about paying me fees for looking after his sick wife that if he took proper care of hid wife and understood her nature, he wouldn’t need to pay me. He said, “Well, what’s that.” I would give him a little inkling and he’s say, “Oh hell, I’d rather pay the bill.”
So that’s the nature of the thing—the guy didn’t understand halfway how much fun he’d have, but you know it’s all right, I was glad to take the money--still am.
So the female can understand that the male has to go through this competitive bit. It doesn’t have to be raw competitive, it can be turned into a slightly--if you understand it--creative situation where you create things what a man can use. He can create things. He can build things. He doesn’t have to be out there flat competing with “dog eat dog” with somebody, but if he doesn’t understand it, he probably will continue.
So few people have learned that maybe there’s a better way of doing things. Maybe they don’t understand their competitive nature, but they have found that they can “kinda” switch it over into being creative of one sort or another, and it’s always going to be a little competitive, but it can be a gentle kind of competitiveness, long as we know that it’s there. We don’t have to have a war every time we turn around.
So if the lady understands that her man has a certain amount of this competitive nature; and as I told a lady the other day, if she aided and abetted it, she’d get along better. She didn’t know what those two words meant, and she didn’t know to ask me what they meant, so I don’t guess she’s done much of it yet. So I will use more simple terms from now on. Pat him on the back for all of his competitive stuff and tell him how nice it is that he goes out and wins ball games and that he caught the biggest fish in the ocean, and he drinks more booze in one setting than anybody else. You know, they do do that. They do have beer drinking contests where the guy drinks more booze than the other guys. Anything to compete—no matter what it is. So if she “kinda” gives her approval of his competitiveness, it “kinda” gives her a little more balanced understanding of what’s going on and possibly will let her be in a position to obtain somewhat what she likes.
If the man understands something about the ladies romantic nature—a little bit—he would aid and abet that very decidedly and he’s probably going to have a lot of fun doing that. But nevertheless, he would approve of it instead of finding fault with it by saying it’s sissy and all that kind of stuff--to be whatever the nature of romance is.
Romance is not always just hearts and flowers—that’s usually a competitive trip that the guy is on to compete with somebody else. He sent a bigger box of candy, a bigger bunch of flowers. He sent two dozen roses, and the other guy only sent one, so he’s out there competing. So usually what’s called romance to a man is merely another form of competing. Did you ever get lots of flowers Joy?
(He was always competing.)
Least they could have done that, is that right? Now maybe some lady here could tell me what she means when she says something is romantic.
What would be romantic to you Joy? Having the tables busted?
What would be romantic? You’ve been around a few years. What does it mean? Whether you got it or not, what would you think of?
(A lot of things.)
Probably all of them little.
……………Appreciation now and then.
You remember our friend Penny and you remember the fits she used to have because John didn’t do things, he didn’t come home and take her out to dinner. She dreamed up all day that her husband was going to come home from work and ask her out to dinner, and then she’d bitch all week because he hadn’t. So I said, “Well, did you ever tell him you wanted to go to dinner?” “Oh, no, he should know it.” You remember that she finally wore him down and buried him. Then she got another one, and in two months she started the same thing again. She came in telling me, and I said, “Listen Penny I don’t want to hear a thing about it. I listened to what a bastard John was for14 years because he didn’t take you to romantic places every night when he came home from work, and you didn’t even tell him you wanted to go out. Now you’re starting on this other guy, and I don’t want to hear anything about it,” So she’s mad at me and won’t talk to me anymore. But the fact is, maybe she let him know a little bit.
What’s romantic to you?
(Take a walk through the park.)
What’s romantic to you, Bonnie, you’re in the business.
(Well, I’m in business, and I find it romantic to do things together.)
Ok, such as fight?
No, people fight together I’ve noticed. A lot of them do that. What’s romantic to you Becky?
(A lot of little things.)
They’re all little though. But they are a lot of little things, and they all add up to being one big romance, is that right? Ok, how about you? You’re in the business a little bit.
Consideration being considerate—all those little things that add up that says somebody thinks a lot of you, is that right? And this is the one that the man usually feels is sissy. She ought to know I like her, I pay the rent.
(He says, I told you once today.)
(Laughter from the audience.)
………..about once a day, that don’t quite add up to enough, does it Regina ?
So now we have some general inkling of what is meant by being romantic, and that her nature is to be romantic. Now, no doubt, both of these natures of each being here, Life in it’s wisdom provided them both so that Life could go on on this planet. Otherwise it probably would have expired years ago even though the boys and girls don’t understand it, and fight over it a lot. But can you kinda begin to see that if it’s understood and used, it could turn into a very joyous situation around here instead of all this bickering and battering. Maybe I’ll have to hunt up another way to earn a living. But that’s all right with me, I’d be very happy to If everybody would go along and purr a little bit, I would feel fine.
I’ll find another way to make a living. I’m a pretty good blacksmith as I recall from way back down the road, so I’d just as soon do that. I could take the hammer, anvil and forge, and I could come out and make a living some way. Besides that, I can do several other things. I can even cook. So if each could understand this, I would have very little to do in the usual occupation I’m doing today. Now most of us have never thought that the other side of this little equation boy/girl is totally different in nature.
Now it’s a complimentary nature if you put it together with understanding. It is very complimentary; and so if I give attention to the needs of the lady with the romance, then I have become somewhat dual. I have understanding of both the competitive bit, and I also understand her direction. I tell people I get along well with ladies because I’m a half-breed—my mother was a woman. I inherited part of her nature. So, I understand them both pretty well, and in those of you who have read Hermetic Philosophy--any of you been exposed to that stuff? Ok. Hermetic Philosophy talks about the ultimate being as being a hermaphrodite. Now obviously you can’t be a physical hermaphrodite because you can’t have both male and female hormones floating around the body at the same time without disastrous results immediately. So, what you are, then, is that you hermaphrodite or a complete integrated person with a full understanding of this, and a full understanding of that—the romance and the competitive bit. Maybe you could change the competitive bit of fighting like “dog eat dog”, into something creative.
So it’s where one would be dual. Now as I said in my crude language, a half breed. My mother was a woman, my father was a man. That means I got a little bit of both of it in there if I still allow it. Huh? I got room for both of it anyway, and by letting it go there, one can find that life begins to blossom and Miss Katie Lee wouldn’t have to sing her little song.
So let’s see if each of us can understand the other side a little bit. A woman’s got to have romance or she doesn’t thrive and the romance is as all the girls have said, a lot of little things--none of the great big ones. once a year send her two dozen roses on her birthday and a five-pound box of candy doesn’t get it, does it Joy?
But you receive something like that sometime.
Every now and then and that’s all right, but a lot of little things, especially appreciation and a little understanding of the nature could go a long ways—is that right?
So if we could all do that, we would start a trend. Now there’s a few of us; but every trend is highly contagious. If you start doing it, somebody else is going to copy it a little bit. They may not understand it, but they copy it. You could see a transformation of human life on this planet very quickly if we only simply understand this and begin to apply it.
Now understanding something is worthless unless we apply it, but it is a lot of fun to apply it. So why not have a good time while you’re at it. So then, we’ll stop and have questions? I’ve talked long enough, but let’s have comments, questions.
(What happens with boys when they’re younger—they like to kiss and everything, and then when they get older……….)
Well, they got to be macho then, it’s contagious you know. Big guys are macho. If the woman wants something, the macho thinks—it’s hell to kiss a woman you know. A “macho” guy doesn’t think it’s nice to kiss women—he thinks push ‘em over and go from there. That’s right. Little boys are still little girls more or less—there’s not much separation—they’re still both when they’re little—both of them are. But they quickly get conditioned to go “whole hog” one day. It is their nature as they develop more and more and their hormones begin to flow--their nature will come out, ok?
(So they don’t have the desire for hugging and kissing?)
Oh no, we said they begin to push you over—why bother with all these preliminaries.
(Yeah, it is.)
Day in and day out, huh?
(It’s a bother.)
The preliminaries are? Think what fun they are.
(I don’t see it’s a bother.)
Well, I know you don’t, the guy’s think it’s a bother to have to go through all that—check up every once in a while to see if you’re moist enough yet, and a few other things.
(Ha ha ha from the audience.)
If they have to check up, they’re a dumb ass in my book, but that’s all right. Next question.
(…from a woman….Well that changed a little bit, because now we’re going to have to be competitive.)
Yeah, but girls are competitive in a different way; and if they are out in the world working, it goes against the grain, hadn’t you noticed?
Ok You can do things against your nature, but it irritates you, does it not? Ok
(What about competing for the spotlight in a group.)
Well, that sounds—guys do that and a girl does once in a while, but she’s competing for her spot to get romance and he’s competing for his spot to be in conquest. Do you know what conquest means? Go get it; I’m going to take it away from you. Conquest is to conquer, ok, to conquer.
(And if you take the spotlight then…….)
…then somebody’s going to get upset.
They get all battered out.
(It’s ok if they do?)
Oh yeah, naturally. They’ll get it all back, then you get a certain amount, you have a half chance—make the gooks think they want it, set them up there, put them on a pedestal, who cares? Turn the spotlight on yourself, it’s all right. Next question.
(Turn the spotlight on yourself?)
No, you turn the spotlight on the guy, it’ll help your cause quite a bit—be sure you remember what you’re nature is and what his nature is. And you’re not doing it to please, honey; but because that is the nature of things, ok? Questions?
(How about sometimes when you want to be in the spotlight?)
Well, just go get it--go get it, but you’re competing for the spotlight because it would bring you romance—you hope, and the guys competing for it because he thinks he’ll get a prize of some sort or other--believe it or not--check it out and see,. Observe around you. Watch it as I put it up today to see this is the fundamental nature of a female. This is the fundamental nature of the male. You watch it a while. You’ll see that is how it is working.
(That’s supposed to be there?)
Oh that’s nature, you can’t change it; but you can sure use it. Now it’s going to be there--it’s not conditioning. The way to handle it may be conditioned, but the nature of it is there and you’re not going to change that. So I couldn’t get over being competitive, but I can sure tone it down where you don’t notice it at all, ok? So I’ll try to make it a little creative and so forth, but there’s a little undertone of the competition back there, ok?
(But when you’re looking for someone, or you find someone that’s appealing, it’s just the way that they’re competitive.)
It might appeal to you, more than likely they appeal to you’re romantic things, and later when you kind of gotten involved, you discover that their very competitive and then you start fighting, honey—have you noticed that through the years.
Ok. I think I could even play back a few numbers for you if I needed to, honey having been in the background an awful lot to straighten out the hassles. Well, I think I could play back a few. It may appear to you because you feel that’s a source of the romance that you’re looking for; and after you keep him around for a while and they get off their good behavior because they’re trying to compete with everyone else for your attention, then they come back to pure competitive and then…….
(That appears to be the thing you’re attracted to and then that turns out to be the thing that drives you up the wall.)
Yeah, I know how that works, Bonnie. I know how it works. I’ve picked up the pieces several times for you, haven’t I?
(Give them a little rejection and they’ll keep competing?)
They don’t get romantic, but they will compete, and you don’t want all that stuff. But they will keep doing it.
All right, how about you?
(….from a man……….What about when you really enjoy, say from my side, you enjoy being romantic and getting……)
Well, it usually works real good for the time being, and all those little things the girls were talking about.
(..And then you don’t feel like, not that you’re expecting anymore in return, but you’re not being fed like you want to be fed the other person……….. Well, how long can you go before you feel you’ve had enough of it?)
I don’t know. It’s according to how you’re working on it.
(All that whatever you know.)
So are you really doing it as a competitive nature? I remember many long hours of telephone conversations with you brother Jeff over that very thing. You were competing, and you were using gentle bullets for your competing, but you were ready to kill like hell, weren’t you? You were using gentle bullets, but you wanted them to have an affect, is that correct, sir?
Bonnie, you got it all formulated now?
(Oh, I got it out.)
Got it out? Ok? Any more questions?
(Bob, what makes some men soft in nature and some hard?)
Well, some of them have been conditioned by their Mama and some more by their father, but most of them the weaker or more vulnerable they feel, the tougher they act. Somewhere I read that only the strong can afford to be gentle. One of the ones you went around with was a very great weakling and acted very tough. So only the strong can afford to be gentle. So if a man treats you gentle, he’s fairly strong, but if he’s pushing you around pretty hard, you know he’s a very big weakling. So weaklings act tough, strong ones always can afford to be very gentle. Ok?
(Yeah, I like that.)
Ok hang in there then.
Any other questions? Comments? Ok, we ended today. We will have another one next Saturday.