Workshop - Half Moon Bay, CA - 1974 - Part 1 of 4
Robert Rhondell Gibson
In creating a companion to the audio files found in the “Links” section, we strive to give
the reader as close a verbatim transcript as possible.
Dr. Bob’s laid-back “Kentucky-ese” is retained – not correcting his grammar makes reading it
sound like he’s actually talking. In addition, he purposefully used not only specific words,
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Audience (laughter) is noted; he was a master at keeping the mood up!
(Audience participation is parenthesized and separated from his words.)
Speakers’ emphasized words are in italics.
Some tenets of the Teachings are in bold type.
[Anything that offers clarity is added by the proofreader and italicized inside brackets.]
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CD #1 OF 7
...could be of interest, we hope. I generally pick my subjects from what I’ve heard on the telephone most the last week or two. My phone rings a lot and I talk to a lot of people about a lot of things; so we try to pick up the ones that the most people have called about. So maybe all over the country is the same general ideas as is sittin’ here, okay? So I’ll talk about it.
First thing we’ll talk about is, “What’s your world like?” [Repeats as he writes it on the board:] What is your world like? You know, we all have our own “world” – lots of times people call me, I ask ‘em, “What’s going on in your world?” And, you know, each of us do have our own world regardless of what we might think that the whole big world is out here. But we have our own world and what we have going on in that world is pretty much under my control. I can have it kind of gumpy or goopy or I can have some pretty nice things goin’ on and some pretty nice feelings happening or I can have all kinds of trouble – whatever way we want to put it out. So we’re gonna talk about what we put Into our world.
Now, the main thing that goes into our world is our attitude;
and attitude is pretty well based on how I see things.
[Writing it on the board:] How I see the things that’s goin’ on. Now, if I look at it one way, I can see everything is going to Hades with its back broke. It’s just in a terrible shape, right? It’s terrible – the economy’s gone downhill, nobody’s buying anything, people are all being rude and crude, and they’re ignoring me and what have you. And sometimes we wish they would ignore us and they don’t. Certain people we’d get along just as well if they ignored us, you know.
But, anyway, we have our world. Now, we all live in that world and it, basically, that world is determined by my attitude and how I see things. Now, if I see everything as that people are all doing what they feel is right and proper and justifiable…and you know they really do – you can’t do anything you don’t feel is right or proper or justifiable; you just can’t do it, that’s all there is to it – nobody else can. But if we see them as knowing what’s right and goin’ on doin’ wrong anyway, man, we have more terrible things that we need to do to ‘em. We need to get even with ‘em. We need to get revenge. We need to straighten things out in all sorts of ways. And, of course, what kind of a attitude do I have while I’m havin’ all those sorts of ideas run through my head? Am I a little angry, a little upset, to say the least? I’m annoyed. I’m what-have-you. So my attitude is generally headed down.
Now, if my attitude is down, my world is down, everything in it seems to be down. I’m livin’ with all sorts of difficulties and troubles and there’s more things to blame than you can conceive and we can…there’s just everything goin’ haywire. Now, the same sort of thing’s goin’ on if you have a totally different attitude – that this is a pretty wonderful world. The sun is shining and, you know, it’s not too hot, it’s not too cold and there’s lots of wonderful people around; and all those people are doin’ what they feel is right, proper, and justifiable. They’re all doin’ the appropriate thing for them. And I can communicate with ‘em as long as I’m not trying to straighten ‘em out – as long as I’m just goin’ along with ‘em, talkin’ with ‘em on the way they are and where they are and what-have-you.
Generally, my attitude begins to be one of, shall we say, just being thankful that there is a lot of nice people around. There’s a lot of nice areas to live in, there’s beautiful things out, we have lovely highways, and we have nice restaurants sittin’ alongside the road so I never have to go hungry very long. May have to wait for ‘em a little bit, but, you know, they’ll get to me sooner or later. And pretty soon I have an attitude of being “thankful”...which is a pretty good attitude if you just come to think of it.
And there is an awful lot of stuff settin’ here to be thankful about – business is pretty good, I’m not starvin’, and I’m eatin’ fairly well, right? And I’m having a pretty good time. And I know all kinds of people, I’ve got transportation, I’ve got food, and I have shelter, have clothing and, you know, you don’t need a whole lot more stuff than that. And so you have all those things and you’ve got somethin’ to be thankful about, right? Now, that is an attitude that I don’t run into very frequently unless I aid the person to generate it. In other words, most of us seem to have to be reminded in order to be a little thankful. Is that right, Darryl?
You just gotta remind ‘em ‘cause, otherwise, they sit here and found a thousand things to complain about, to blame about. You know, that’s what we do hear around us a lot and we being rather inclined to go along with what people are – you know, if somebody comes up and starts gossipin’, we join right in with it real quick like or somebody starts comin’ up and findin’ fault with the government, well, we join in with them, that’s an easy one. And we could go on and on and on, so we join along with people. But it takes somebody to almost remind us in order to be real thankful. Is that right, Miss Paulette? Is that kind of necessary? How about you, Regina? Does that take a little bit of somebody remind you to have somethin’ to be thankful about or do you get up in the morning and think how thankful you are? Not very often.
(Sometime you’re just saying it but you don’t really mean it.)
Yeah, [he chuckles] that’s one thing. But when we’re being thankful, our attitude is goin’ up, our mood is goin’ up, and things are goin’ pretty nice in my world – everything goin’ along pretty good in my world. Business begins to come in, people start buyin’ things, huh? They can start buyin’ and they start payin’ me and people are pretty nice to me and I notice more smiling people around and everything. But it all depends on my attitude and how I’m seein’ it. Now, probably our most valuable asset is our mood; and we can be in charge of it – mood, attitude. [Writes it on the board.] We’ll put that there as another thing to go along with attitude is a mood. Now, that’s
The most valuable asset you have is your mood or your attitude
and it’s one that we probably pay the least attention to.
Would you say that’s probably correct? We’ve just let it hang out; it just wanders around. Now, there’s certain people here make their livin’ sellin’. We all do directly or indirectly, but everybody makes a livin’ sellin’ one way or another. Is that right, Mark? Oh, you could fix everything in the world – if you don’t sell it, it’s no good, is that right? And Paul is selling us a necessity item, isn’t it?
(It’s somethin’ you can use.)
It comes as the only thing you can live with. And John has to sell and all the rest of us do, one way or another – we gotta be salesmen. And did you ever try to sell, Paul, when your mood was down?
And what happened?
(Didn’t do very good.)
You didn’t sell anything, in other words – period. But if your mood is up, people take it away from you, is that about right? Seemingly – it’s just like they all want it when your mood’s up. When your mood is down, they stay away in droves, is that right? (laughter) Huh? They stay away in droves; but you get your mood up, they all come back in droves.
So the most valuable asset that any of us have is our own attitude or mood
and it is under our control.
It’s something you can take charge of or you can leave it layin’ out there for everybody’s tender mercies; and if you leave it to other people’s tender mercy, it’s not gonna be very “up,” I’ll tell you that. They will give you some kind of a “con-flab” to get you down before the day’s over, is that right? Somebody’ll be rude, somebody will ignore you, somebody will say somethin’ nasty, somebody will imply they’re going to do you in, or a hundred and one other things that comes along every day – yeah, they accuse you of bein’ lazy, right? Huh? They accuse you of something before the day’s over.
Now, if you let everybody else in the world have charge of your attitude, it will be headed in this direction because, basically, “the world is a downer” – they all play that game because it’s just a habit, if nothing else. If you listen to the television news or you read the newspaper, you can find plenty of things down, down, down, down, down, down, right? If you read it and laugh about it, it’s the comic section is on the front page, not in the back with the little cartoons. Those are cartoons, the comics on the front. (laughter) And if you see that it’s totally set up for one thing – to control your attitude or your mood.
Now, it has been taught for many ages that if you get people frightened
or you get them angry or you get them feelin’ hopeless,
that they’re perfectly easy to control.
You can just do anything with ‘em.
You just tie a string on ‘em – you don’t even have to put the string on ‘em, you can just suggest it. You are then open for “propaganda.” Now, that means that you are no longer in charge of your world, your inner state, or anything else. You now are just feelin’ “roughy” and gonna keep on feelin’ that way until somebody does somethin’ nice for you. Now, I don’t know how long you would prefer to be “down.” Jeanine, do you have any idea?
You don’t, no idea – from now on it’ll be all right. How long do we want to be down and have everybody else in the world in charge of our inner state? Or do I want to take charge of it right now? Now, it really doesn’t matter where I’m sitting or what’s goin’ on around me. If I am in a delightful mood, does it matter where I am?
Doesn’t matter, does it? I could be sittin’ in the bus station or I can be sittin’ in a mansion. It doesn’t make any difference – I’m feeling good either way, huh? If I have a lot of money in my pocket, I’m feelin’ good and that’s wonderful; but if I’m pretty well broke and I’m feelin’ wonderful, what’s the difference – I’ll soon have money, anyway. Because if your mood’s up, you’re attractin’ money, you’re attractin’ friends, you’re attracting delightful people. If your mood is down, you’re runnin’ everything off, including money, and you’re runnin’ off nice people – you’ll probably draw in a certain amount of losers. They’re always sittin’ around when you’re down; they come in, don’t they? They show up out of the woodwork – they just come in. So let’s take on that we have a little bit of a purpose and that purpose is to take charge of my attitude, my mood.
How does your little girl do when your mood is down, Teri?
She’s hard to get along with, huh? And how is she when your mood’s all up?
She’s a pretty sweet little girl, isn’t she? So – and she’s what 15, 12, 15 months old? So they respond just the same, do you see? Now, I have people come to me with their huffin’ these long, deep breaths and sigh, “What in the world am I gonna do with this kid?” Well, I always tell them but they don’t always want to hear it. I say, “You get your mood up and get a nice mood goin’ and the kid will do likewise” because they’re great mimics, aren’t they? They’re a shadow. They’ll mimic you all the time. So, do you want the kid to have a good time and do you want – therefore, you have a good time – what do you generate, what do you give them? So, it could be said:
In our world, we live in that which we radiate.
I think that’s very worthwhile for anybody and everybody to remember and recall – that we live in that which we radiate. And all the people that come in your area live in what you’re radiating. Now, most of ‘em are not goin’ to be in charge of their inner state – it just happens. So then you get in charge of an awful lot of things when you’re in charge of your own inner state and you are then radiating – now, what do you radiate? You radiate joy, you radiate success, you radiate happiness, you radiate... Joy, do you like to find that kind of stuff around somewheres?
(Yes, I would.)
Yeah, like to get there, wouldn’t you? So when you see somebody radiating, you want to get there.
So, you attract that which you radiate
and you live in what you radiate.
Now I prefer to live in joy and happiness and pleasantness rather than all the worries and anxieties and stewing and fretting that most of the people I run into…course, I’m in the business of listenin’ to that, maybe you don’t run into ‘em, but I think you do just the same. I just get paid for it sometimes, you don’t. That’s your biggest difference in it – that if you are radiating somethin’ very nice, they come around for it, is that right? Everybody comes to get their “fix” if nothin’ else. You know, that’s a wonderful fix if they can come in and get a good feeling from somewheres, you’d go about every day, wouldn’t you? You know somebody around that you can get a good feelin’ by going to see ‘em, don’t you get there as often as possible?
(Often as possible.)
Often as possible because you go get a fix and there’s no reason not to. But if you know somebody that’s going to be moanin’ and their greatest state would be [big sigh, then:] “I sure hope so,” do you go there unless you feel obligated or almost have to?
[He chuckles] Only obligation will get you there, is that right? So, if you just look a little bit, you can see what the secret of joyful living, well-being, and a lot of other things is. That it’s something whether I take the little attention it requires for me to radiate that which I want to live in. ‘Cause I’m gonna live in it – you’re gonna live in what you radiate. Now, if you radiate [another big sigh:] “Ooooh.” That’s what you live in. I mean, you know, that just is a self- perpetuating set of miseries, right? Did you ever run through that ritual, huh? Self-perpetuating bunch of rituals? It can go on years in, years out, is that right, Darryl? Goes on for ages. Yes, Miss Marilyn?
(Bob, are you saying then whatever you radiate out, you’re going to attract that much?)
That kind attracts that kind. If you radiate…I didn’t say you’d attract it – you attract everything – you attract flies and hummingbirds just as much, okay?
(But sometimes I see the other guys who are coming in with fits. I see a lot of that.)
Well, naturally, everybody does. I said, when you radiate, everything wants to come to it – if it’s joy and peace and beauty and love and compassion, and what-have-you – everybody wants to get there. The flies come. The wasps come. The hummingbirds come. They all come.
(Even the bears.)
(Even the bears.)
Even the bears will come in and try to get there. So, yes, it’s going to come; but they come not to destroy you or pick on you, they come to get a fix. They come to eat, you might say, okay? So they’re there. Now, if you set up a whole bunch of moanin’ and anger and frettin’ and stewing, you’re goin’ to attract a certain number of people who that only appeals to, not near as many. Now, they come there because they got an “agreement” and I’m not interested in havin’ agreement of those folks. I let ‘em disagree with me all they want to. I have lots of people that says…[grumbles]. That’s all right, go ahead. But if you observe, we still live in that which we radiate and we’re all radiating something. Some of the folks calls it “auras” and some people call it somethin’ else. I just say it’s your… what’s around you. You radiate your attitude, you radiate your mood, you radiate whatever you are – your inner state is being radiated.
And if you’re in business and you radiate a nice feeling, great gobs of people come – that really is the only sign you really need is “mood.” You don’t need another one, it doesn’t do much good – you can put a big billboard up and have a very cruddy mood and you won’t have very many people come regardless of your big sign board. And if you have only a little mark on the door and you have a good mood in there, there’ll be an awful lot of people show up there. That’s the way it works. So, it is under our control.
Now, what does it require to have it [my mood] under control?
It’s to “pay attention” and ask ourselves a question:
What kind of a mood do I, what kind of world do I want to live in?
Because that’s what we’re gonna live in is what I’m radiating. So, what kind of world do you want to live in? A pleasant one? A grumpy one? Huh?
(I want a pleasant one.)
Well, good. Then what do you radiate? You radiate “pleasantness” all the time. You radiate smiles and joy and thankfulness and the feelin’ that things are pretty wonderful instead of goin’ downhill in a hand basket, okay? And, if you do, you are beginning to live in that world and, as we said, it attracts about everybody that wants a “fix” and that’s the biggest part of the people in the world. Do you ever go places to get a “fix,” Regina? Huh?
(Now and then.)
Sure, because it feels good there. And if somebody comes around [grumbling], you take your broom and sweep ‘em out, is that right? Huh? You don’t want those kinds of moods around there – you sweep ‘em out. And the same thing with jobs and with everywheres else – everybody likes somebody around that has a good mood, huh? Right? The people that come in your place come partially to get your service and partially to get a mood – probably the big end of it is to get the mood. Collect for it. (laughter) Keep it up. But they come for the mood because you could have all the service and no mood and there wouldn’t be very many people there for you, okay?
So this is what we’re looking at is:
Can I take charge of my own inner state?
And it’s something we seldom think of, we just let our inner state be the plaything of all the other people we’re around and they’re all generating various and sundry things out there. And a few times we run into somebody, we feel good, and we get there as often as possible, as often when we can. And then there’s other people who don’t generate so much and as Esther says, we only go there due out of obligation, is that right? And the obligation has to get heavy before you go.
(Really heavy.) (laughter)
Pretty heavy. It’s got to get extreme obligation before you get there. So this is the way we can determine whether I’m in charge of my own state of living my life or am I strictly being tossed to and fro? Now, we’d rather say, “I’m a victim” – but that’s the only thing I won’t agree with anybody on. People try to convince me they’re a victim – many of ‘em a day – and that’s one thing I won’t agree with. I’ll agree with you about anything else except that you’re a victim of some sort; and I won’t ever agree on that one. Did you ever try to tell somebody that you were a victim, Teri? Huh?
(A few times.)
A few times. And, of course, most people will agree with you, is that right? And of course, that makes it go further and further down here and we get all full of blame because if I’m a victim, somebody’s the cause of it. And if I’m blaming, I’m blaming ‘em, I get fearful or I get angry and we’ve got all sorts of anxieties to deal with. And when we’re anxious, we don’t do much very creative to say the very least, is that right? Huh? Now, can’t you take charge of your inner state, Jeffery?
You can. But!... the question is, will you? Huh?
Will you? It’s the difference between if we carry it to its ultimate – life and death. It’s not some simple little thing that maybe is nice or is maybe not nice. [Pause as he refers to changing sides on the cassette tape.] I’ll wait while you turn it over. You know how to do it?
Okay. The point is that it is a matter of life and death. In the meantime, it’s – before that late stage – it’s a matter of how prosperous you are, how broke you are, how healthy you are, how unhealthy you are, how happy you are, how unhappy you are, how much anxiety you live with, and how much peace you live with in the meantime. And then on the ultimate end of
it’s a matter of life and death as to whether you take charge or not.
Now, I’m gonna ask you, are you going to? You got all the capability, right?
That cancelled everything before it when we said “but,” you know, and that cancelled it all out. “But I forget,” and, you know, the 101 reasons there that we give as not to take charge of our own inner state – not to use the most valuable attribute or asset that you have. Now, if somebody came along and gave you a beautiful piece of jewelry or a big pile of money and you didn’t use it, would it be of any value to you?
If you went and put it in a safe deposit box and said, “I’m not gonna use that because I’ll just mess that up,” it would be of no value – they might as well not have given you either one of ‘em, is that right?
Now, if all Life gave us a Gift that will buy all of those things – you know, money and jewelry and houses and automobiles and clothes and whatever else… What else do you buy – I don’t know?
Trips, anything. Life gave us the opportunity to use it. But now its necessity is that I take charge of the attitude I carry around. Now, I can blame everything else under the sun and it won’t do one iota of good, hmm? You know, we’ll blame circumstances, we’ll blame other people, we’ll blame society, we’ll blame the government. We can blame my early childhood – “I had an unhappy childhood” – you know, didn’t we all? It’s a mess to be a kid, anyway. (laughter) So that’s one where you can always lay it back on – I’ve heard it hundreds of times: “Well, I had an unhappy childhood” and so, therefore, “I’m a fizzle from now on.” “I went through a divorce and I haven’t been worth a durn since.” And one I used to hear frequently, I don’t hear it much anymore was, “I haven’t been well since the first child was born” or the second one at the latest. (laughter) “I haven’t been well since the second baby was born.”
You can fret it and blame it on anything you want to but the point still gets back that there’s nothing or nobody to blame, including self. There is only:
Are you willing to put forth what little attention it requires to say,
“I’m taking charge of my own inner state right now.”
Not tomorrow – it won’t do any good to take charge of it tomorrow ‘cause I can do anything tomorrow. I can give you a new house tomorrow ‘cause tomorrow never gets here. So I can offer you anything tomorrow but I can’t offer you too much today. But I can show you somethin’ worth more than all the things anybody could offer you – that you can take charge of your own inner state if you pay attention. And that you have that as your purpose and that you’re gonna do it. You’re not gonna let anybody else influence your inner feeling. They have no authority to do so unless I give it to ‘em.
Nobody can, has the authority to rattle my inner feeling unless I give it to ‘em.
Now, if I gave you the authority to be in charge of my inner feelings, I put a terrible burden on you if you buy it. But it was all a fib, hmm? You’ve had people you’ve blamed for your inner state, haven’t you? Hmm? But they didn’t have a thing in the world to do with it. Did you know that? They didn’t have a thing – they couldn’t handle it. And, of course, if you convinced ‘em that they was in charge of your inner state, well, man, you’ve put a terrible load on ‘em, is that right? Say I blamed you for…I put you in charge of my inner state. Now, then I come up every few minutes and say, “Well, you didn’t do so and so” or “You did so and so and you knew that would upset me.” Huh? Phooey. You don’t have anything to do with it – you don’t know what’ll make me feel good inside or not feel good inside, right? Huh?
So I can’t be bothered with all that stuff. So, if I’m the only one that has any charge of my inner state – period – is that all right with you, Teri, or not? Or does friends, husband have somethin’ to do with your inner state? Does the neighbors have somethin’ to do with your inner state or something, huh? Tell me.
(No, they don’t.)
But you have looked at it as though they did.
(No, it’s me.)
Anytime, so it’s not to blame, it’s I hadn’t thought of it. I just “went to sleep,” as we call it, and let everybody else bump me around. So, nobody else has any charge of my inner state – they can have no affect on it unless I give it to ‘em. And while I love everybody, I’m not gonna put anybody I love in charge of my inner state. They’re liable to go to sleep and forget about it. (laughter) And I like to be in charge of it because I know how I want it to be, right? I want it to be pleasant, I want it to be joyful, huh?
And I can’t leave that layin’ around for anybody, no matter how much I think of ‘em, to be in charge of because they got their other things to do besides that anyway, right? They’ve got other things to do and I can’t expect them to take care of it. So I love people and I like to be around ‘em and all that but I cannot let anybody have charge of my inner state, Darryl. None of ‘em – I don’t care what they do, okay? No matter what they do, I cannot give ‘em charge of my inner state because they will not be givin’ me this [he points to the board] all the time. And besides that, they couldn’t – it’s none of their business. And so this is my business, this is my world I’m talkin’ about and when you say it, it’s your world you’re talkin’ about. And I think you should be the king or the queen or the empress or something like...why not be the empress, that’s a good title there.
(I like that.)
You be the empress of your world, okay? (laughter) If you need a crown, we’ll buy you one, okay?
Let’s get you a crown to remind you – you stick it on your little head every mornin’ and remember. The man should be the king or the emperor of what – your own inner world – your world that only you live in ‘cause nobody else can live in that world. Just you, okay? And you live in what you radiate. So let’s see if we can all get around here to radiating a little peace and joy and happiness and success, serenity, whatever you want.
(End of CD #1 of 7)
CD #2 of 7
(As I listen to this, I think it’s been so long, that depending on someone else –)
To make you happy and to make you feel bad – mostly to feel bad. Right, honey? [He chuckles] We’ve depended on somebody else to take care of that, is that right?
(Yeah, and it’s like…well, where do you start to even –)
Take on? Right now.
(– to be able to find your peace.)
Right now, and what do you do? You start radiating a little “up-ness.” The only difference between the word is – if you wanna get it real simple like you and I have to handle it – okay, [writing it on the board:] this is a “downer” and this is an “upper” so only two words I have to remember is up and down – even a little baby will do that, huh? (laughter) So do you want to be up? You know what being up is, don’t you, Rochelle? It’s having a smile, standin’ up and seein’ things as being beautiful and you look up and admire the trees and the flowers and the people and you, right?
That’s being “up.” And “down” is to see what’s wrong with her and see what’s wrong with her and see what’s wrong with him back there – he wore white pants with a blue jacket this mornin’ and, you know, that’s one thing I just can’t stand, you know? And it goes on and on and on, right?
So where do you start and when do you start?
Now and here.
Here and now.
Take charge of your world, okay?
And be in charge of what you radiate.
And what do you wanna radiate, therefore? Joy. Peace. Happiness. Beauty – you don’t have to work hard at that, you know – you just improve the scenery wherever you go. So that’s all you have to do there, is that all right? You got half of it made anyway, okay? Okay, let’s have another question. Does that answer your question? It’s when and how. Yes, there’s an old habit back there.
Now, sometimes probably, Rochelle, you will slip up for a few minutes; but I’m trying to make it strong enough that you will be reminded, “Hey I don’t have to put up with this, I don’t have to radiate this, I can take charge,” okay? Don’t kick yourself because you forget once in a while; but don’t stay forgettin’ too long, okay? Some man told me you didn’t even need to work at remembering, you only forgot to forget. (laughter) That’s the easy way, okay? The easy way is to forget to forget – the hard way is to try to remember all the time. (laughter) Did that grab you all right there, honey?
(I just got it.) (Yeah, that’s simple.)
Yeah, that’s what the man told me and he seemed to be gettin’ along pretty good, so I thought I’d better listen to him a few minutes, you know? Okay, another comment? Yes, ma’am?
(Okay, you’re the Empress of whatever, of your own and you feel you’re doing a darn good job –)
(And all the people that work under you and that are living in their world are really chippin’ away, chippin’ away, chipping away. How long are you supposed to stay up on the throne?)
I’m gonna stay up there and radiate so nice that they will either be unable to stand it or they’ll change. There’s no time to give up ‘cause it’s your world you’re livin’ in, not theirs, okay? Yes, I agree society is out there tryin’ to make you be a “downer” at all times, I know that. How well I know. I’ve been around this world longer than you have and they’ve been at it all the time I’ve been here; and I’m sure they was at it before I got here and…
(They’re gonna be at it after you’re here, too.)
And if I should ever give up and leave, they’re gonna keep it up; but I’m not gonna let them have charge of my world, I don’t care how insistent they are on it, okay? There’s a story I heard over in New Mexico one time that a bunch of women met every week to do their little needle work or quilting bee or whatever – their homemaker’s club? The husbands called it the home-wrecker’s club. And there was one little lady named Mrs. Brown that every time all these other ladies got to gossipin’ about somebody and really tearin’ ‘em up, you know – as you say, “chippin’ away” but with sledge hammers and big chisels and jack hammers – she always perked up and said somethin’ nice about the guy, “Well, he’s a wonderful provider for his family” or “he never uses foul language in the presence of ladies” and on and on and on. She’d always find somethin’.
One day they were really havin’ a gay time tearin’ some guy up and she piped up and said that he was a wonderful provider for his family – he kept all the kids’ cars, he sent them all to college, they were all dressed nice. And one of the ladies said, “Mrs. Brown, if we were talkin’ about the devil, you’d have somethin’ nice to say about him!” She said, “Well, you have to admit he’s always on the job.” (laughter) Always they’re on the job “chippin’ away.” We know that but we don’t have to let us cave in, ‘cause I can keep on buildin’ and “uppin’” just as much as they’re chippin’ down, okay? And it’s my world I’m concerned with, not them. Who cares about them, okay? Does that help answer your question all right? When give up? Never! Okay, I said you may forget once in a while, but don’t forget too long next time, okay?
(Well, it seems like if you’re coming from an attitude that’s really up all the time – when you’re in the midst of all these people that are –)
(– downers. You will look at them like they’re uppers because –)
Oh well, I see them as – I said that’s the comics section – you see the fun they’re havin’, okay? I don’t see them as being “up,” I see pretty well what’s there, but I think how funny it is that they can, could have joy and peace and everything and they choose to live in this, is that right? You know, it’s like this guy here. I’ve known him for years – beautiful, handsome man. And he has a wonderful education, he’s had gobs of opportunities but he’s “wah, wah, wah, wah.” But I don’t think how pathetic he is, I think what a joke he is, you know? And every once in a while, he’ll come out of it for a few minutes when you see the joke and get him up a little bit; but he’s got a private little reason for going “pfft.” People treats you nice when you’re a bambino and you fell down and skinned your knees and tried to fix it up and petted him, see? So he’s still thinkin’ they might do it; but nobody’s done it recently, have they? (laughter) Not in quite a long time. You know, we all like to be pathetic because when we were little kids mama picked us up and petted us when we got hurt or we weren’t feelin’ too good; but you know, nobody pays very much attention to us gettin’ our knees scratched or not feelin’ too good these days, that’s it. Yes?
(So how much of that can you attribute to approval and how much of that do you need? How little can you have for, to survive?)
How much attention and approval do you need? Well, why don’t you give yourself of what you require? You know, I figure nobody knows how wonderful I am as much as I do. (laughter) I tell people, “If you disapprove of me, you’ve just got very poor taste” and I go on about my business. So, do you know how much you would need to give yourself? You see, in the ultimate end, it’s your own approval you’re desiring, not mine. I can come along and tell you how beautiful you are and how wonderful you are and you’ll say, “He was just doin’ that to try to make me feel good” or “he was makin’ fun of me” and so on.
It’s your approval, your image of yourself that counts.
So can you give yourself enough approval or do you want some of the rest of us give it?
You’ll never believe the rest of us anyway,
is that right? But we’ve been taught that we should always put ourselves down. So, if you put yourself down, who’s gonna put you up, is that right? Or you wouldn’t believe ‘em anyway, would you? Hmm?
You’ve been told how beautiful you were ever since you was this high, is that right, or before?
(A little taller.) (laughter)
Okay, she was always that tall since the day she was born. But you’ve been told that all of your life, haven’t you?
(A little taller.) (more laughter)
Okay, you’ve been told that most of your life, is that right? That you’re a beautiful lady. Do you buy it or do you think everybody’s just...
(I say they’re lying.)
Right. So the only approval and attention that really matters is what you give yourself. Now, let’s all get that straight. Now, that don’t mean you’re conceited or anything of the sort. My mother said there was no conceit in our family, I had it all; but that’s beside the point.
The point is if you can’t approve yourself, you won’t buy it if somebody else does.
I’ve watched you for a long time, too. You can give you all the attention and all the approval you want and you…[grumbles]…because you don’t give yourself the attention and approval. You give yourself the “put-down.”
Yeah. And you give yourself the put down, is that right? And so’s about everybody else here. Now, we all give ourselves a put-down, is that right? Hmm? So, the only attention, approval in the ultimate end that matters is what you give yourself, okay? And that doesn’t mean that you have to run around and tell everybody how wonderful you are, but just so you know it, okay? You don’t have to tell anybody about it, just so you know it. Then you got plenty of attention. If you need a little more today, you give yourself a little more, right? Okay? Next comment, question? Yes, sir…
(To myself, it seems like if you can visualize what you want to do and where you are and you can bring your mood up because it’s obvious the state of mood, the state of mind you want to be in.)
(But then the hard part is that you have to accept the responsibility of accepting the way the world is, as it exists every day.)
Well, no, I don’t accept the rest of the world – I have very little to do with, I only have my world. Mine’s not all that size – it don’t extend more than, you know, eight feet around me or somethin’ like that.
(It’s not always wonderful and everything you want it to be and all that.)
Oh well, now we’ll get to this “wantin’ it to be a certain way.” You know, that comes up in another talk later today that we all have an idea we know what oughta be. You know, I know it oughta be this – everybody oughta be standin’ around kowtowin’ to me and etcetera. So we’ll get to that after while. But the world is all right like it is. You have survived this far, I’ve noticed. If it hadn’t been all right, you wouldn’t have, right? In spite of your grumpin’ about it, you’ve survived, is that right? So it must have not been too dangerous or it would have wiped us out a long time ago, right? You’d been wiped out, is that right, Darrell? You know, you still have to sweep the floor though that little bit. So what? Okay, next comment? Yes, John.
(This is a comment first and then a question, I guess.)
Okay, either way. Fine. I live on conversation.
(This business of not giving yourself approval looks to me, as I remember my childhood, my conditioning, that your parents were always trying to teach you to be modest –)
And self-“depreciating” [deprecating] and all that good stuff. How well I know.
(Is that what goes on?)
Yeah. Every time you started to do somethin’, somebody said, “Who do you think you are that you can do that?” You know?
(Where did this conditioning come from in the beginning?)
Well, probably their ancestors and their ancestors and their ancestors and I heard that there was a character come along and told people they weren’t very good. I don’t know, I wasn’t there but I know it goes back several generations anyway. Far as I can find any trace of it, our parents always told us that we were to – well, they put us down a little bit – not because we weren’t doin’ anything but they didn’t want us to be too smart-ass, you know. [He chuckles.] So if you said, “Well, I’m goin’ out and start me a 30-piece band and compete with Glen Miller.” Somebody said, “Who do you think you are?” Right?
That’s where they put you down and you could have done as good as Glenn Miller did. He probably got there in spite of his folks tellin’ him “Who do you think you are?” Yeah, we all got that. But the point is that we do have information to turn it around because I was conditioned don’t mean I have to stay that way. That is the joyful part of it. We’ll talk about that later today, too. Just because I was conditioned – we all were – I don’t have to remain that way. Yes, ma’am?
(Well, it seems in my life it was a function not only of my parents but of my religion.)
Well, that’s usually a “super-parent” if I may say so, is that right?
(Yeah, I mean –)
I think that most all of us got exposed to religion and religion told us many things. I don’t know much about it but I’ve just been exposed to it a few years – but yes, basically that’s the “super-parent,” isn’t it? Religion didn’t tell you what was there to learn and to see and to recognize – they told you to be “good” so you wouldn’t embarrass anybody, is that right?
We were all taught to be “good”, not conscious. Right?
And we weren’t very interested in what the great teachers that founded the religion taught us. We were very interested in doin’ what they told us to do or somebody that said they were a representative of ‘em. So basically you was taught to be good. “Good” meaning, don’t embarrass anybody. Correct? And what was good in one group is not so good in another group if you’ve noticed. I’ve scattered around amongst ‘em all and found one bunch told me it was good to do this and another one said that what they said was good they said was bad. And one over here said this was bad, somebody else said, “That’s fine” and so on.
So I’m not interested in bein’ “good.”
And I’m not goin’ to talk to anybody about bein’ good
because I probably don’t even like good people.
I like “conscious” ones
but not “good” ones, okay?
(In referring back to Christ and the New Testament, he says that “the meek shall inherit the Earth.”)
Right, that’s what I read.
(Okay, well, tell me what you think about that?)
What does “the meek” mean?
The meek is those that don’t know what ought to be. See, if you didn’t know what to be, you would be very “meek,” is that right? But if you know what to be, you’re out there very clamoring to get it, is that right? Huh? You see all these people that know what ought to be – they’re not very meek, are they? So if you didn’t know what ought to be…and I said we’ll get to that in a little bit – I’m gonna talk about it before the day’s over, don’t fret, I’ll talk about it. But you see, most people in this world think they know what ought to be, includin’ the religious folks, is that right?
But they’re not “meek” – they’re very demanding – they scream, they pound, and they holler this and that. And they very emphatically know what oughta be, is that right? And most of us believe that we know what oughta be and we haven’t the foggiest ‘cause we don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow; we don’t know what’s gonna happen two weeks from now; we don’t know what’s gonna happen three months from now or two months, is that right? So how could you know what oughta be now? You’d have to know the future, wouldn’t you? You want a story about it? I’ll tell you a story. Want a story?
There was a man had about his only possession that was worth anything was the shack he lived in and his wife and a son – which wasn’t worth very much, I guess – but he had a beautiful Arabian mare. How much are they worth, with good money?
(Oh, about half a million.)
A big pile of money. He’s got a whole slew of ‘em he’d love for you to see. So he had this one beautiful mare and he kept her around back of the house. And one morning he got up and the corral was broken down and the mare was gone. And all the neighbors came by and said, “How terrible, you’ve lost your beautiful mare.” He said, “I don’t know whether it’s terrible or not, all I know is the mare’s gone.” He went on about his business. And a few days later he was…had some other little incident come along – I’ve forgotten just exactly which was the next one there – that the neighbors came by and they said how wonderful it was, you know? Oh, I know what the next thing was, the mare came back in a few days and had seven stallions followin’ her – Arabian stallions. How much are they worth?
(I don’t know.)
Well, kindly…if Wayne Newton find ‘em, they were worth a half a million or a million and a half apiece, okay? So here she came back and had seven beautiful Arab stallions – wild ones followin’ her. So now he had eight horses. The neighbors come by and said, “How wonderful.” He said, “I don’t know I just got eight horses.” And a few days later, his son decided to break one of these stallions to ride, okay? So he got him out there and after ridin’ him around about a half a day, the horse got tired of that foolishness and went into a buckin’ fit and threw him off and broke his leg. Now the neighbors came by and said, “How terrible your son has a broken leg.” He said, “I don’t know, I just know the kid’s got a broken leg, that’s all – it’s healin’ up.” Two days later the king’s conscriptors come through and takin’ all able-bodied young men to put in the army – with the king’s little tours around to see what he could do to his neighbors. And of course, they couldn’t take his son because he was laid up in bed with a broken leg and the neighbor’s said, “How wonderful, your son with the broken leg didn’t have to go to the army.” He said, “I don’t know, I just know he didn’t have to go.” Okay? You know, the story goes on and on from here on even up until today. Do you know what oughta be? You don’t know the future do you?
So it just is. Now, the old man was serene regardless of what went on, if he had less horse or more horses, okay? Can you be serene over your herd?
(I’m learning how.) (laughter)
Be yourself for good, Darrell. In case anybody wants a herd of Arabian horses, talk to Leland, he’s got some. You want some Arabian horses?
(No.) (Another good story is that dramatic change in our lifestyle is due to having recognized the fact that we don’t necessarily have to be “good” by somebody else’s standard –)
(All we have to do is make our decisions according to what –)
You want to live with you, right?
(– I think we’re going to need to close the loop on that so we don’t go off on that tangent where some of us started in saying that, well, they don’t have to be good –)
No, I said this is things you keep to yourself, you know, like your own approval and your own attention. You keep it to yourself. I don’t have to be good but I’m not goin’ out and tellin’ very many people that because, you know, that’s a good way to get in a hassle. I don’t need an extra hassle to live above – so I just go on. I don’t tell people I’m not interested in bein’ good. I look like I’m good, so what’s the difference? (laughter) If you’re gonna do something that isn’t good, don’t let ‘em know about it, right?
Just keep your mouth shut once in a while, you know, it’s all right. Okay?
(There’s a little conditioning wrinkle that I remember – my mother wanted to make me as soft and pliant as I could be and so if I felt good about myself, I wouldn’t do it. Would you talk about that? I had to feel bad about myself or I probably wouldn’t take responsibility –)
Well, if you had to feel bad about her why then you had to feel bad all the way – “I haven’t been takin’ care of poor Mama” and “I haven’t been keeping her happy” and everything, you probably be good to just let her do her own – why not? Good Lord, let her take care of her own. But if you were feelin’ bad, well then you were already under control; so you had to get with it to straighten everything out, okay? All right, any other questions, comments? Regina?
(I’ve had all sorts of challenges.)
I’ve heard that, noticed it to some degree.
(It’s wonderful. But anyway, no matter what happens, I can’t take control of that – all I can take is responsibility –)
Is how you respond to all those little things goin’ on out there.
(Now, it’s very, very easy to feel great when I’m selling, okay? Very easy.)
There’s lots of interesting people.
(Lots. Okay, then there’s times when I might be down – my inner state – when I’m not selling and, oh, I can’t control that. I can only control my –)
You can, you just aren’t takin’ charge of it. You can take charge of it whether you’re at work or at play.
(When I go into work I say…I’m here to experience whatever’s in my inner state of being –)
Why don’t you say the same thing when you leave?
(Well, that’s right but sometimes I don’t.)
Well, I said, why not just say like you do when you go to work? I’m here to accept whatever comes along.
And you do it at home or at play. You know, you only have two activities – work and play. Work you don’t care too much about doin’ but you do so you can play enough. So why not play with it? I’m here to experience whatever’s goin’ on.
(Or can I just report I’m here to make money; therefore, I will sell?)
Well, it doesn’t matter. When you go to work, you go there to make loot, and when you go away to play, you go out to spend and have a good time, is that right? And either way, you’re gonna have it regardless of what goes on. You don’t have to go to sleep just ‘cause you got off work, okay?
(Well, that was real simple.) (laughter)
Yeah. (laughter) You wanted to know how come that you gotta have, when you were not at work, and therefore had your attention directed, you let other people be in charge or circumstances be in charge of your inner state. When at work you’re in charge of it because you know you’d better, is that right? That way [not being in charge] you don’t make any money.
(At work I’m in charge and after work I’m asleep?)
Right, that’s what you told me. That’s right, pretty lady. That’s one picked out of the way. Yes?
(What is the responsibility for other people interjected in this? For example, a father is real happy with his own world; but he could care less what’s going on with his children. But he’s happy with his own world.)
Well, I think that we all separate duty and responsibility, okay? Responsibility I can’t have any for anybody else in the world. I can’t eat anything for you if you’re starvin’. Had a bone stuck in your throat, I can’t heave for you, right? I can’t drink water for you. I can’t go to the bathroom for you. I can’t do anything for you. I can’t be responsible for your necessities. If I have formed certain relationships or taken on a job or something, I have a responsibility – a duty, excuse me.
The responsibility is for me.
Duty is for others.
So maybe the man didn’t take any duty for his kids, I don’t know. Certain animals do and certain animals don’t.
(When does…my question is when does it become a selfish thing to be only in your world for your world and no –)
Oh, I think that I’d like to be selfish because selfish means I’m lookin’ out for what’s to my advantage; and it’s certainly to my advantage to take good care of all the things I have a duty to do, is that right? Hmm? If you have a child, you have a duty to that child until it grows up to a certain size, then you “clip, clip,” chop the umbilical cord when they’re about 15, 18, 20, somewheres along there, okay? Start whackin’ on it anyway. (laughter)
And you have – you take a job, you have a duty to carry out the job. If you hire somebody, you have a duty to pay them, is that right, for the work they do. So “duty” is an intelligent thing to do and a person who hasn’t looked at their duties is obviously not thinkin’ very clearly because we all have duties; and duties we can pick up and lay down.
“Responsible” is what I am for me and I had that the day I was born
and I’ll have it the rest of my life.
So separate responsibility and duty. A person who is conscious about what they’re doin’ would know they’re responsible for themselves and they have picked up certain duties along the way for other people, right? So if I hire somebody for an hour or for a week, I have a duty to pay them. And if somebody hires me to do so and so, I have a duty to perform my task as well as possible, right? If I’m drivin’ on the highway, I have a duty to drive reasonably careful and not interfere with other people as much as possible, huh? And so on down the line. So, I’m gonna be in charge of my own inner world, but part of my inner world is that I have picked up certain duties along the way and I try to take care of ‘em to the best of my ability, okay? That answer your question all right? Be sure you separate those two words though; they’re not synonyms. Okay? Leland here, I got him first. I’ll be there next.
(In the context of this question about what is “good,” you got a little ambiguity here because to be conscious is to be genuinely good if it’s to be aware.)
Well, that’s – you’re philosophizing with me; and I don’t know what the word “good” means, okay? So I don’t need to get off on it.
(Well, okay, let’s say –)
You would probably say it was “good,” but I wouldn’t.
(What you would just say is “conscious?”)
I would say it’s conscious like the man with the horse – that’s being conscious; and you can determine whether it’s good or not. You see, “good” and all that kind of stuff is such a personal thing. So, two of us could go over here to the restaurant and order the same thing and one person say it’s good and the other one could go “pffft – it don’t fit my taste.”
You see, “good” and “bad” is just whether it agrees with my taste or not.
So “good” and “bad” don’t mean anything in my world, okay?
(So one is guided strictly by one’s sense of what is worthwhile in the moment, is that the –)
No, I would say that I have a lot of things that I have settled up that would be of First Value to me – I didn’t say they were “good” though. They’re First Value to me; and I have my [unclear word]. I might have a frame of reference so if something happens, why I’ll probably respond accordin’ to that frame of reference; but the frame of reference was consciously chosen, okay?
(So, externally applied?)
Not externally applied. Now, there’s a lot of external applications out there that we call “games.” We’ll talk about that later today, too. It behooves us that there is a given set of games like I mentioned about traffic a while ago – that’s a “game.” I try to play it accordin’ to the rules ‘cause I don’t like that guy with the – the referee comin’ along with his little light flashin’ all over – they disturb me. So I’d rather play the game accordin’ to the rules and not have the lights, okay? Okay, here, then I’ll get over here. Esther?
(Okay, I had an example of an attitude problem this summer where we had gotten to the re-building of our house. And I simply had a commitment to having it done but I was really tired of it and every time I’d have to stain something, I’d start cussing under my breath –)
That’s a good place, why not do that all the while? (laughter) That might have saved everything. [He chuckles]
(But I mean I just remember and every day I’d have to face it and every day my attitude was just as poor and it got, you know, worse –)
It got to be unbearable.
(So how to handle that because I had a commitment – I had to finish it.)
Well, you took on a “duty,” is that right you might say? Okay, then I’m gonna have fun carryin’ out the duty, gettin’ it over with as soon as possible. It was only the attitude that got so miserable; it wasn’t the stainin’ and whatever it was, that’s no problem.
(Okay, but what’s…I mean, is there any kind of tricks –)
Quick tricks you could do – quick fix on it?
Well, a quick fix is that “I sure will have a lot of fun finishin’ this.” Not in gettin’ it finished but in finishing it, okay? So you might as well gear your attitude up first. It’s like if I’m gonna give a talk to a whole bunch of people – first thing I do is get my attitude up, real good shape, before I go in there and talk to ‘em, okay? If I’m gonna have a private appointment with somebody – if the door is closed – and for some reason or other I’m not all the way or maybe I’m just tired, I don’t feel good or what-have-you, I’ve got to gear myself up to meet that person so when I open the door, I’m top line, okay? So if I got to finish the stainin’ job, just go out and stand a minute and “psych” yourself up and then go do it, okay? Have fun. Esther?
(Well, I’ve found in going along and – really particularly in myself and sometimes other people – that when one is asleep and not in charge of one’s inner feelings, one is definitely subject to suggestion from other people.)
Aw man, any kind and every kind – always.
(“Now if you’ll just do this and this, then I’ll approve of you and –“)
...and then everything’ll work out fine and I will like you and all that if you will just get down and crawl on the ground.
(– when one does that, one finds oneself in a really mess, something that maybe really –)
So don’t. That gives you a good reason, that gives you a very good reason, to take charge of your inner state and keep it there, is that right?
Don’t let all these other things – I said everybody else will get at it if they get half a chance.
(It’s physically damaging.)
Oh yeah, it’s hard on the old body, very hard...don’t mess ‘em up.
(END OF CD #2 OF 7)