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Workshop - Albion Workshop 1972 - Page 1 of 4

Since this Workshop transcription (even in this edited form where I have included relevant materials) still came out to almost 40,000 words, it is included here in four continuing parts for the facility of loading these pages. There is no particulat relevance or topic to each page as it just continues from one page to the next via the links at the end. As always I have edited minimally in some instances for clarification - Marsha

I notice a lot of people have made it very important to be relaxed until they are “screaming mee-mees”.  Now as long as I make anything important, obviously I can be manipulated.  Being manipulated, of course, means that somebody or other will force me into doing things I don’t want to do.  So being manipulated is being controlled.  So whenever we’re being controlled, we are far from being free.  And in this constant being controlled, it may be being controlled by a sensation.  Did you ever have a peculiar sensation start like an itch somewhere?  And you just have to do something—very drastic—you just have to do something—it’s just got to be taken care of.  I just simply can’t stand this.  I just got to do something.

And so we begin to do all sort of things that might possibly change it—if nothing else we can run around, we can go various and sundry places, pursue this and pursue that.  Run to the doctor and take a few good pills to keep me from having this itch whatever that itch may be.  So am I then being controlled? 

 I can get drunk and I say, “Well, I’m free to get drunk to try and get free.”  Now you’re controlled.  Another one says I’m free to do this and I’m free to do that, but it’s only being controlled—it’s only using some words to kid oneself with.  You’re still being controlled and manipulated.

Somewhere in the past, we have put on a class called “Letting other people do what you want them to do.”  This shocks people very severely to think how terrible it is to let somebody do what you want them to do. 

The point is we didn’t put on the talks to tell you how to go out and control people because you’re already doing that unconsciously.  You know you push people around all the time—you make them feel guilty—you criticize them—you reject them—you gritch, whatever the case may be.  You’re doing that all the time. 

What we were talking about was for the person to see how you are controlled.  So we might want to look at the four dual basic urges.  [***see four dual basic urges under Illustrations on webpage]   It is something that we all set out to accomplish from the moment we were born.  We had been floating around in a lovely little sack of fluid where nothing was disturbing, and all of a sudden found ourselves dying to that world and being born into another world which had none of the same rules of the game, so we had to find out what they were.

So immediately we decided that the whole purpose was to gain and escape—run to or run from.  So the name of the game is to gain something to get back to being in that physical state that I just died to and have a vague memory of.  I came out kicking and screaming like all the rest of them.  I wanted to stay in that world I had been in which was totally non-disturbed.  I didn’t even have to eat.  Everything I needed was pumped into a little tube in my body.

So when we left that world, we didn’t like it.  So we started hollering about it.  We wanted to escape the discomfort of having change—and this is the big discomfort everybody is fearful of--that of “change”. 

We want to keep what we have, but we want something else too.  I want to keep this, but I want that also—and sometimes they are rather incompatible.  I want my cake and eat it too, so I have a great conflict.  I want to gain a non-changing state, but I want some change.

So we go around and around on that one.  I want to keep this situation, but I want that one also.  I do get enough to eat here; and I do have clothes.   The old man does provide and pays the house rent; but him---I just can’t stand.  So I want that guy over there.  If I get him, I got to give this up—and if I give this up, what will I do in case he doesn’t take me? 

A lady told me about the guy living with her that finally admitted to her that he had a wife and kids in the Poconos.  He had lived in her house, spent her money, made long distance calls, but somehow he had never called Pocono.  Finally, she ended it.  Then after moaning and lamenting of how she had been treated by this guy who was offering her who knows what, but only spent her money, she said, “Maybe if I’m real nice, my husband will take me back.”  (Laughter)

So one avoids any change even though it’s a little painful—“I’m afraid of change because I have a vague memory of this sudden change that occurred when I was born.” 

So as this goes along, we not only want to gain pleasure and comfort, but we want to gain attention—and want to avoid all possibility of being ignored or rejected.  Now I can get attention any time I want and so can anybody else here.  You can have all you want, but in order to get it, you’re liable to get ignored or rejected or told, “I’ll see you later.”  When you struggle to get attention, somebody may say, “It’s time I’m gone.”  So you have to be prepared to have that when it comes along.  But you see, we want both, don’t we?  I want to have the attention and I don’t want any possibility of being ignored or rejected.

I also want approval, but without any possibility of having disapproval.  Also, I can get all the attention I want, but I get some disapproval with it.  I think most of you who know me are well aware of that.  I get lots of attention, but I manage to have gobs of disapproval.  If I deliberately set out to get the disapproval, I get the attention.  (Laughter.)

So you don’t want disapproval; but obviously, you do want attention.  Now how are you going to get those?

And we also want to feel important or useful, and we want to avoid the sense of feeling inferior or useless and maybe unappreciated—that’s a better word for it, you know; I don’t say, “I feel inferior”, I say, “I feel unappreciated”—“Nobody appreciates me.” 

Now if I want to go out and get some appreciation, I can get it, but I will also get some “disapprove of me” for doing it, because I have to be a dog and go under the porch somewhere to get the appreciation.  I’m working my tail off to go out and “schmooze” you so you will appreciate it.  You say, “What are you doing all that for?”  

So we have ourselves set up to be totally controlled and there is absolutely no freedom.  Sure you can go out and do one thing or another.  I can drive 70 miles an hour down the main street in Salt Lake and call that being free. 

No, I’m trying to gain some attention, and that’s all.  I go out and I see one of the boys with everybody and show them I can drink them under the table or whatever the case may be; and all I’m doing is trying to get some attention—“Look at me—see what a big man I am?”

Last New Year’s Eve, Richard said he was going to go out.  All the people who like Richard go out with him and have a drink.  Several of the people who have never had a drink in their life decided that this was the day to liberate; and they were now going to be free and were going to go drink.  They were really going to show how free they were and they invited Richard. 

Richard said, “Ah hell with you people, you’re a bunch of amateurs—if I’m going to drink, I’m going to drink with professionals, so I’m going home and go to bed.”  And that’s what he did.  The amateurs went out and thought they were free.  All they were doing is trying to find something that they call pleasure and escape some of their own disapproval.  They were still being manipulated by the four dual basic urges.  And if I see them a year later, the same proposition is still going on—still being controlled, manipulated—anybody that comes along can manipulate them.

Now if you want to live that way, that’s your problem—that’s your privilege; and if you do it consciously, fine.  My job is finished.  But if you’re doing in unconsciously, then I haven’t been able to give what I want to give.

You know it’s rather peculiar, you’ve heard of the story that a rich young man went to a spiritual teacher and asked, “What can I do to have eternal life.”  The teacher said, “What have you done?”  The man said he’d lived by the commandments all of his life.  The teacher said that one thing else remained—“Sell all you have and give it to the poor.”  We’re told that the rich young man had to turn away very sadly. 

Now suppose we put this in modern day terminology.  Most everybody knows that if you’re working in a big business, before you can a promotion, you have to get somebody to fill your place, right Mack? 

So in order to have someone to fill your place, you have to give away all you have.  So if one offers to another person a certain amount of material and says, “Here, use this.”  Now if you give it away it doesn’t mean to throw it in the good will box.  It means you give something away—somebody has to take it and use it or you haven’t given it away, you’ve just thrown it away.  So if you give something to someone and they can use it and will use it, then you have given it away. 

Now I have something that I want to give away—very much—because when I can give it away, then I can progress to another job; and I want the other job if you don’t mind—I like it.  It’s been offered and I would like to have it.  But before I can do it, I’ve got to give away all I have.  I find it extremely difficult.  Now I can give away my funds—that’s easy, boy, don’t you ever doubt it?  I can go work and earn American dollars and give that away just sitting in the kitchen and deal them out.  I took a little trip the other day to see about some business.  All I ran into were people that had financial problems—I could give it out--that’s easy. 

But I tried to give away something else.  For many years, I have been trying to give away something—all of it--and I can’t get anybody to take it.  I see them take the words sometimes, but they twist them around to fit the four dual basic urges.  I see them use the teaching ideas in all sorts of strange and unexpected ways to gain the four dual basic urges; but I haven’t seen anybody that will take it and use it.  Now I’m still looking.  I’m not a young man anymore, so I’m not the rich young man; and I’m only rich in having a certain number of things that I can give—the funds are all gone.  So I can’t do that anymore; but I still have something that is far more valuable than funds that I want to give.

What we want to give away is the freedom to not be controlled by the four dual basic urges.  That is so simple.  I want to give that freedom to somebody—anybody.  They will use it to liberate themselves and then give it away to some more people.  As long as anybody is not aware of this, they are subjected to being manipulated by anybody who comes down the street. 

It’s as we talked about in that workshop, anybody who wants to “practice letting other people do what you want them to do.” And if you don’t’ believe it, I’ll show you one by one all day long that I can do it.

(How do you do it?)

I can walk up to David and use some little unexpected ways and all of a sudden he’s all torn up—he’ll have his feelings hurt—he’ll be pushed all out of shape.  He’ll react with something like “He insulted me.”  “He doesn’t appreciate me.” and a thousand other reactions will occur.  We’ve all experienced it in one form or another. 

You can discover that you’re still manipulated by anybody who wants to use it.  They can offer you great rewards in the future.  They can threaten you with an expected pain in the future--pain of any kind.

 What do you look forward to Ann?  Always--pray for you to be non-disturbed?—let me go back to the world which I came from—let me get to a state where there is no change.  That’s what the man thought heaven or eternal life was like.

So always the person is in a struggle.  Now we would like to give to someone who wants it, the greatest gift in the world because it is utter freedom---it is being one that you are no longer manipulated by anybody. 

The point is, am I through with struggling to gain pleasure and escape pain?  Am I through with trying to gain attention; and if I want to gain it, I can certainly go get it but know there’s a little price on it.  I can get all the attention I want, but some disapproval may come with it too—might even get some pain, who knows?  I might get some approval one minute, but I never know what’s going to come the next time.

I can certainly get some approval, but I’m also will probably lose one or two others—it will cost me something—maybe every nickel I have.  If you go give somebody $50 they usually approve of you for just about 15 minutes—not 50 minutes, but only 15.  And then tomorrow when you want another 15 minutes of approval; and if you don’t deliver the $50, then they’re mad at you.  It’s immaterial; it’s just what goes on.

Now if somebody walked up to you and jammed a knife at you, it would probably frighten you a little bit, huh?  If he said, “Give me all the money you got and I won’t stick you with it,” you’d hand your money over because you want to escape it. 

Now if you were beyond that stage, you’d probably tell the guy to put his stupid knife down—who cares—or you wouldn’t be frightened.  If a man tries to threaten you with a knife or a gun and you aren’t threatened, he sure is in a bad position—did you know that?  He wonders what happened, everything went haywire—he gets confused and runs away after seeing this happen.  But what difference does it make if he pulls the trigger—you’re still trying to be safe?  So what?  You weren’t always here and the world got along fine before you got here.  Are you going to let some joker with a little gun in his hand manipulate you? 

(I certainly think I would.)

So do you want to be manipulated?  So how many of you have been manipulated with a knife or a gun lately?  Not many, even if you look back through your life.  But you have been controlled.  You’re temper has been on rampages—you have been down in the dumpies because somebody didn’t approve of you.  You’ve been all torn up because this didn’t happen or that didn’t happen.   Some change took place—things aren’t like they were last week.  Things went haywire and very different—all of a sudden my whole security is threatened.    Now security is hoping that you’ll have a certain amount of non-disturbance, non-disturbance can be seen as gaining attention, approval, escaping feeling inferior or wanting  calmness, contentment, or peace of mind for a little while—I’ve had a little of it; and I now see that as security.  Of course, I always want more when I got it.  But when it’s gone-- even the little bit I had—I want it back and I want it to be permanent.

A man and his wife fight and scrap for years.  One day she says, “Aw to hell with you.” and gets up and leaves, and he is utterly devastated.  All of a sudden he can’t live without her—he is absolutely torn up.  He “gritched” about her all the time while she was around, but now that she has rejected him and left, he simply can’t stand it. He can’t live without her. 

Have any of you experienced that little situation one side or the other?  Have you ever been “gritching”, “gritching”, “gritching” about your so-called mate—that’s the person you’re bored with.  All of a sudden they reject you.  Did you find that you suddenly thought a tremendous amount of them and look what you have lost.  It was so essential to have them—it was just unbelievable. 

So are you manipulated morning, noon, and night?  Are you manipulated by the sensations that arise within the body?  Are you manipulated by the sensations that arise in the body which are going to be there for the rest of your life as long as you live unless you are totally unconscious from anesthetic or something—you will be manipulated by the sensations that arise?

Are you manipulated by the people you come in contact with?  Are you manipulated by other drivers on the highway?  —those plough jockeys that run all over the street and don’t get out of the way and let you go.  Are you manipulated by people who are in front of you and driving 10 ten miles an hour less than what you want to travel?  Are you manipulated by the weather?  Are you manipulated by every conceivable thing there is in this world that we live in? 

Now perhaps if you wished, you could see that you are totally manipulated, totally controlled, you have absolutely no freedom no matter what you do because all you’re doing is to gain one of these. 

So a sensation comes along and I feel kind of romantic, so I decide I can go out and have all the romance I want because I’m free to—only a word I’ve heard to kid myself with, that’s all.  There’s nothing wrong with romance.  Sometimes I want a little romance but I don’t holler about all the “free” with it.  Just look for the appropriate partner that suits you and go about it, I don’t care.  But you don’t have to holler your “free” to.  Everybody who’s a joker in the world knows that—just look around, we’re all here.  So, obviously some of them got together—you don’t have to attend class to know about that. 

I can rob a bank—I’m big enough and I’m smart enough, but that’s doing what?  Being manipulated by one of these—feeling that if I have the money then I can do all kinds of things.

I can embezzle, I can be a fraud, I can take advantage of, I can do anything I want to—yes—it’s all this trying to gain one of these or avoid one of these.  That isn’t freedom at all.

When I can so live that I am no longer manipulated by this and this, then I could probably talk about freedom.  I probably wouldn’t, but I could probably talk about it a little bit.  I might see what freedom means. 

Now does anybody want it?  It’s here and it’s yours; and I would like for you to take it—but the taking is not to just sit around and stick it under your pillow.  It must be used with other people to allow you to see the possibility that you can be free.

Then I can understand why this man in the story walked sadly away.  It’s dammed hard to give it away.  And I can see that he probably couldn’t follow the master into the regeneration for a long time to come.  I can see where he probably saw that he may never get to.  He’d probably die of old age before he could give it away because he couldn’t get a taker.  Now that may be a little different approach to that little story.  We usually only look at things one way.  And wasn’t the man greedy?  Now I would have given it away if it had been me. 

Maybe you can’t give it away hard as you might try—and then you’d have a reason to walk sadly away, right Mack?  You can’t give it away and you can’t go unless you have.  Way down there somewhere Mack, you’re still trying to get attention.  I’ll give you plenty of time for it when I get through, but right now I’m getting the attention.  I certainly don’t have your approval and I don’t want it.

                             
You see, while we go along we’re trying to give something away and not gain approval. 

So when you see how this works, you might be able to see you are totally manipulated, totally controlled and there’s only one thing you want and that is to get out of that. 

Surrender

I don’t know any way to do it, so I can’t struggle to be relaxed; but I might see that I am not relaxed and there’s nothing I can do about it so I quit fighting with it---but at least I would quit kidding myself and saying I’m free every time I do something that I formally said is a taboo.  I wouldn’t call that freedom.  I would just say, “Well, I’m still being manipulated and there isn’t anything I can do about it.

When one does this for a very short length of time—which very few seem to ever want to do, and then there is, in that freedom, the freedom to be manipulated.  That’s the first one you come along with—you’re not struggling to get out—because when I tell you your manipulated, immediately that’s kind of a disapproval, isn’t it?  And you’re feeling inferior, and you think, “What will I do to get out of that?”  In other words we’re going to force ourselves to relax, huh?  But I’m still struggling away at it. 

                               Confession

When you see that you are in a given state, first you confess—I believe is the word that is sometimes used in pretty terminology which is to be aware that I’m in this state—and I am totally—not just partially—but totally manipulated by sensation, by other people, by the weather, by the environment and anything that comes along—it manipulates me because I just react all day.  I see that there isn’t anything I can do about it.  That’s called surrender, I believe.  And the next thing is to see that you don’t want is to go through life as a total manipulated gadget that anybody can kick this way and that—it’s like the kids going to school entertaining themselves by kicking a beer can this way and that.  That’s about the way our existence goes.  We read or hear an advertisement that promises something and threatens something and we and go buy something.  Somebody says, “You’re a joker for buying that.”  Then I wonder how I’m going to get rid of it, so I take it to the flea market next Sunday and try to sell it so the neighbor won’t know about it.  And this goes on and on and on. 

                             Repentance

So third is to see what I really want.  I only want to get out of this.  I want there to be an end to this manipulation -- I am totally manipulated, but I don’t know how.  That’s called repentance I believe.  Turning about. 

                              Baptism

The fourth one is something that is done for you—you can’t do yourself.  This is as far as you can go.  The fourth one, I believe, has sometimes been referred to with the beautiful word—baptism.  You’re washed, but you see somebody else or something else always does the washing—you don’t do it.  And you don’t know where it comes from—but some morning you wake and you see the joke of having struggled away and spent your life struggling with this.  It’s a joke.

Have you ever heard about the “practical joke” called the “snipe hunt”?  The practical jokers pick out a “patsy” (a person that is easily taken advantage of).  They tell him that they are going on a snipe hunt.  He’s taken to a swamp or dark and scary place.   He’s told to hold a bag open and they tell him they are going to flush the snipe down to him.  Meanwhile, they all go back home, get their laughs and go to bed and leave him out in that cold eerie swamp all night. 

So, if you see the joke, then you’ve seen the truth.  And to see the truth is to see a joke, and you can then kind of laugh.  And when you notice and laugh, you don’t have a thought one in your head.  It’s totally peaceful within. 

It is a joke to see what a terrible joke “I” played on I.  And as soon as one sees this joke, then comes what is called a baptism somewhere along the way—it doesn’t mean somebody takes you out here in the creek and dumps you under.  It means you are cleansed of being wrapped up in this.   Now you have accepted a gift, and you can then use it.  Now the next step is you use it.  You don’t just sit there and look at it and say, “Ha ha, I got it.” because it has to be used--it’s not being given unless somebody takes it and uses it.

Now when this is seen then you can work with any troubled person in the world because every troubled person in the world is troubled over one of these, is that right? 

Any of you ever been troubled? 

(Never.)

Never.  How about you? How about you, have you ever been troubled?  And was it over one of these?  You were afraid you’d lose something you thought you had, or you wouldn’t get something or there would be a change coming up and how in the world am I ever going to get back to the state I had before. 

Do you see that all the things that you called problems all your days are shown right here?  We don’t have to go into all this long philosophical discussion and take obtuse philosophical ideas and run them up and down the alleys.  We don’t have to take theological concepts.  We don’t have to take all the great psychology learning and delve through all the psychology books in the world.  It’s very simple, it’s sitting right here.  Do you want to be free, Bill, or do you want to keep living by being controlled and manipulated?

(I want to be free of it.)

And that’s all you want—100%.  You can’t do it by degrees;   I’ll assure you of this.  Now everybody might think, “I’m a little freer than I was last year.”  You’re not a bit freer than the first day I saw you because I can still go out and manipulate you with every one of them. 

People say, “Bob is a terrible person—he manipulates people.”  You better believe I do because I want you to catch on.  I will make you squirm every once in a while.  And if you’ll let me, I’ll do most anything to you.  I’m doing it so that you will see it—experience it and then see it.  I’m supposed to be a mirror, and I’ll stand and show you over and over that you’re manipulated.  I can twist you, turn you any way.  If nobody else does, I’ll do it.  Of course, everybody else is doing it but they’re so gentle with it that you don’t notice.  I’m not gentle with it—you’ll catch on—I hope.

So you see ... are you living by this?  “I am 100% manipulated.  I can’t do anything about it--which is surrender. 

Repentance

The third one is that I see that is the one and only want I have--and nothing else--that is all I want.  Now of course most of us want this and want that.  Now I want this, but I want to make sure I have the house paid for, and I want to be sure the car is paid for; and I want to make sure my job is secure; and I want to make sure the income is being taken care of; and I want to be sure that everybody loves me; and then I would gladly have this—non-disturbance.  Oh no, no no—no no! That’s not the way it works. 

Baptism

You take it or nothing.  That is when one has surrendered and repented the baptism will take care of itself.   Ok. That’s the gift that will come along when you can do the first three things.   Now the first three are your own little things,

#1 to see that you are totally manipulated,
#2 to see that you can’t do a thing in the world about it,
#3 and to see that there is only one thing in the world that I want, I want to be out of that noise.

To be manipulated is that of an infant, an animal, a plant; I’m not being a human being.  So, I don’t care what I do without or what I have, or what I don’t have; I just want to be out of the noise. 

Now if I put all the conditions into it and say, but I want to make sure I am loved, and I want to be sure I have this, and I want to be certain of this before I will do that.  Somewhere along, somebody said “You seek first the kingdom of heaven and all this other junk will be added unto you.” Now we want to jump first, be assured we got it and then we’ll take it.

Now that is the three steps that one can do. The rest will take care of itself.  Now for questions.

(Ok, let’s get back to Jesus here.)

I never was there to start with, so we can’t get back there, I’m hung here. Ok.

(You say here or as the parable goes that such a man was to give it all away.)

I was talking about “self”—sell it for money and then give the money away.  It wasn’t to give the poor people stuff—they wouldn’t know what to do with it.

(What I get out of this analogy here was the man did not have, but Jesus was giving something away: so therefore, how could you………….)

Well now, wait a minute—it said he was a rich young man—so he had something that he had to give away--then he could progress,

[from Marsha……Since money and riches are seen as valuable in the manmade world; often it seems that in the Bible, the parables use that kind of wealth so those in the manmade world could see it in a physical sense.  Yet the spiritual would be giving away opinions, conclusions, ideals, and the four dual basic urges leaving freedom to see “what is” clearly.]

(I see.)

You go read the story first, don’t waste your time otherwise.

(On #2 and #3, there is nothing to do about it and #3.)

I can see what I want.  The only thing I want—there isn’t anything I can do about what I want, but I know what I want.  If a person truly knows what they want they 90% got it.  But usually we want two things at the same time; and of course, then we never get anything but conflict.  I want my cake and eat it too.  So there’s nothing there you can do about it, but you know what you want.

(That was the 3rd step?  I want to be free of being manipulated?)

I want to be out of that noise, right?  I know what I want, and that’s all I want.  The rest of it will take care of itself.  When I see that don’t know how to go about it, I won’t be interfering in the process by trying to do this or that which would only be jumping from one side to the other.  So one becomes peaceful even while one is still manipulated.

Did you ever consider if somebody put you in jail and locked the door and you weren’t trying to get out, you’d just as soon be there as anywhere else, he sure isn’t punishing you worth a “hoot”, is he?  He gets awful disgusted with that.  And they say angels come and unlock the door—you’ll be thrown out. 

I had a friend who was arrested in the state of Ohio for some grave charge like doing something illegal.  He was a doctor and wasn’t going along with all the rules of the game; but he a thousand patients. 

So they put him in jail, and every day the patients came in droves to visit him—like 4 or 5 hundred of them a day.  And of course, the third day they said, “Get that guy outta here.” 
He had a six month sentence for the practice of medicine without a license.

So he said, “I have to serve and pay my debt to society.”  “I will stay here until the last day of my sentence is paid because I have always paid all my bills.”  “The state says I owe a debt to society of six months--you will have to keep me in jail so I can pay my debt to society.”  The next day over a thousand people came to visit him.  They literally bodily dragged the man out of the jail, but he sat on the front door step every day all day long for the six months.  And thousands of people came to visit him.  You can be assured he was never arrested again.  He went right on with his rat killing; but he would not leave the jail—only except at night he did go home because they wouldn’t let him in the jail to sleep, so he did go home at night—but each morning, he arrived and sat on the front steps.  Thousands of people came to visit him—every day—all day long—there was a herd of people came.  You can be very sure; they didn’t decide that they knew how to punish somebody who didn’t mind being confined; so he was free to be manipulated.

You see, we think about being free, and then we struggle to be free.  But the first one is, “I’m free to be non-free.

I’m tied up—I’m manipulated—alright?  So manipulate me—I’m fine.”  Something begins to happen.  I don’t know how to do it, but it begins to happen.

(You said you started on the road; and before you said, “Well your no freer than you were……….these two seem to be in conflict.)

They are not in conflict.  I’ve, at least, seen that I’m in jail.  Before I can get out of jail, I have to realize I’m locked up.  I’m not free; but I see it, realize it and that was not so before.

(It seems your closer.)

We’re no closer—we don’t know.  We will wait and see.  We’re not talking about closer—we’re still locked up. Ok?  And being closer or further away doesn’t seem to make much difference.  I found a thing that was almost an orange, but it wasn’t. 

(First, --inaudible-----the birth process.)

Go ask somebody.  You’ve been through it haven’t you?  You got kids; don’t you know what started it?  Don’t ask me, girl, I haven’t had one yet. 

(In this __inaudible________)

You go get an incubator and look at an egg and see what gets that chicken to start pecking inside—and then you come back and ask your question again.  What you’re trying to do is say, “I’m not responsible for being born.”  But you go check it out dear.

(What I’m trying to find out is.)

You’re here.

(Right.)

Ok, let’s start here instead of trying to start there.

(I want to be here apparently.)

That’s pure speculation—has nothing to do with the situation—you’re here dear—unfortunately.  But you see it’s totally irrelevant to go back and start philosophizing—the way to leave the issue is to try to figure out “why” I got here.  How come I was born?  How come conception took place?  You can philosophize on that from now until doomsday, and I ‘won’t buy it.  When you start talking about what’s here and now, I’ll listen.  When you start trying to pull me into philosophical discussion, I won’t hear you.  Is that clear enough?

(…you said we don’t want to be here.)

I didn’t say that.  I said we kicked and screamed when we came in—we maybe wanted to stay where we were because we liked non-changes.  You’re still going back there.  So go figure it out dear.  We’re not interested in philosophical discussions and looking for explanations because for every explanation there is at least two more that just as valid as the first one—we’re busy trying to give something away—not go through long philosophical discussions. Thank you.

(Thank you.)

Any questions about here and now.  We’re not interested in theories.  You can do that year in and year out.  There’s gobs of time and place to do that.  Drinking parties is a good one.

(I recognize the first one--that I’m in that area.)

That you’re controlled.  Totally manipulated.  Anybody that wants to push a button or any sensation that comes along, any anything. Ok?

(I want what we’ve been talking about.  I want to be free from that.)

What else do you want?

(That’s the area that there is still a question roaming around.  Do I want to earn a living?)

You’re always in doubt about it.  You’re earning a living, so go ahead and earn a living and want that as far as I’m concerned.  But what do you want?  You see, most of us want this and this and that.  [Again, pointing to the four dual basic urges]

(I want to experience it—I haven’t experience it so I don’t know.)

The only way to find out is what?

(Experiencing it.)

Don’t ask me.  Try to get me to tell you what an orange tastes like—go eat the thing and then you’ll find out.  I can’t tell you what an orange is—go eat it. 

You see we would like to philosophy ourselves into freedom, sir.  Man has been philosophizing for centuries to be in freedom.  It is only action that you will find out because you can philosophy and you’ll come up with an answer of some kind, won’t you?  And that will satisfy you until somebody comes along and challenges it.

(So what you’re saying is it’s a matter of what jail you’re going to stay in as long as you know you’re there.)

Right.  You’re in it and it doesn’t matter what the name over the front door is, does it?

(If you change jail to……)

It just transfers you from the state jails to the federal ones.  What difference does it make? 

(Living conditions.)

Well, I don’t know, but maybe more comfortable or less comfortable, but it’s still the same.  And there’s only one way you’ll find out and that’s action—not by theorizing about it, is that right? 

When somebody criticizes or jabs you in some way, see if it tears you up inside—then you’ll find out if you’re still being manipulated.  You can read books and attend organizations and when you get all through you will be what?

(Still manipulated.)

Ok, that’s all we’re interested in right now.  Next question about here and now and action.  We can philosophy as to why those human beings were even originated in the first place.  I don’t know they’re here.  You’re theory will be as good as mine and vice versa, but I don’t happen to have one.  I think we descended from something else.  Notice I said descended not ascended.

(So if you send a message to X that you don’t want to be manipulated, you want to be free of these, is it……….)

You have decided that you know what to do, just send a message to X and then it will get you out of it. So now you think you know ‘how”.  I said we “don’t know how”.  Ok?  You don’t know whether it will happen or not.  If you did, you could demonstrate it, you wouldn’t talk about it.  You see again, we are philosophizing.   And we say send a message to X.  In the first place we don’t know anything about X, and wouldn’t know how to send it a message or where to send it to—western union?  If you leave me to send it, I’ll assure you it won’t ever be bothered with?  I’ll take the fee and not bother with it.

The point is, you see, you’re assuming you know something to do about it.

(No, I really don’t.)

So then you wouldn’t bother to send a message because otherwise you think that’s the way to do it. 

(That didn’t answer my question.)

Yes it did.  You got the question. You got the answer.  You forgot what the question was—that’s the whole problem.

(No, I didn’t forget the question.)

The question was “you send a message-would that get it done? And I’m saying that’s figuring out how to know what it was doing.  You’re figuring out that you know the “how to” about it.  I’ll just send a message to something I refer to as X, and then it will take care of it. 

Let’s go through the things that we said again.

#1  We recognize that we are manipulated.
#2  I don’t know anything about how to get out of it including where to send a message to X or Garcia or anybody else.
I don’t know anything about sending a message because if I sent a message it would be trying to get one of these. [The four dual basic urges]

#3 that we would see only one thing, “I want only one thing, and that is to get out of there.”  Ok?  And I don’t know a power in the world where it can be done—whether X can do it—or whether time does it—or whether there is a demon does it?  I don’t know what happens.  That’s all I can do, ok?

(But you have to see it clearly.)

That you are truly manipulated.  You want a demonstration?  I can provide that.  It lets me work off gobs of my aggression.

(I can’t say I’m going to see “self”.  I’m going to see and then I will be free.)

I didn’t say a thing in the world like that—I only said can you see that you are totally manipulated?  That’s all I see.  Second that you couldn’t do a thing in the world about it.  #3 only see what you want.  And that’s the message—don’t see that we’re looking for freedom. 

We’re not interested in motive at all.  We’re talking about a discovery, dear—not about struggling to force ourselves to be relaxed at all.  It’s merely recognizing that there are machines in me.  There’s no motive involved.  I see there’s a lovely lady sitting there—there’s no motive involved in this at all.  (Laughter)

We will look and see some of the more common ways we are manipulated.  Some of the things we are quite well aware that we are manipulated by sensations within, other people or the weather.  But basically, there are a lot of subtle manipulations that we’re not aware of.  So in order to be aware that we are 100% manipulated, we’ll talk about some of those.  First thing to start manipulation is I want to manipulate somebody--I set up an ideal for them or myself, and that ideal is only an illusion in the mind of “what ought to be.”

 Chico and I were having a little conversation at the table one day and he was telling me about some things he had been working on.  You don’t mind if I use this do you, Chico?  It’s just embarrassing, but that will be alright.

He told me of some of the things he had been struggling with to achieve these great heights of whatever man is looking for.  One of them was that he would try to sit totally still like a statue.  Now in this case he’s thinking a statue is much better than a human being—it can sit totally still and never flick an eyelash.  And so he goes and tries it; and he found the more he tried it, the more he itched and the more he wiggled and of course, then he had great problems as to how he could achieve this “still state”. 

I told him I could help him very quickly—all I had to do is hit him on the head and he would find it.  But he didn’t think he wanted to achieve this ideal state that way.  Somebody had laid this little ideal on him and he bought it. 

But you see the minute that we set up any ideal that someone or something will give me pleasure or comfort, then it’s painful if you don’t get it.  They’ll give you attention if you do it and ignore or reject you if you don’t.  I’ll give you approval if you can sit still for one hour and never flick an eyelash.  Isn’t that wonderful?  You have a goal now to force yourself to relax.  (Laughter) It is a manipulation to escape all disapproval.  I won’t disapprove of you if you can sit there for an hour.  But if you only make it 59 minutes, you got a long way to go.  You give up just before pay dirt; and they’ll tell you you are inferior.  They may not say it but it will be suggested and you’ll come up with it from within. 

Now I heard somebody else say you pray without ceasing and that’s a “goody”.  And if you can do it, I’ll give you great rewards; and if you can’t do it, you’ll have eternal damnation. 

I laid out the pain and offered you the pleasure and now then you’re going to try to pray without ceasing; but still you got to clean house, work, earn a living, buy the groceries, do the laundry—all these things.  Now how are you going to manage that?  How would you do that Bill?  Go get a bottle and hang it all up, huh?  Call it a day.  You tried it, and now feel you’re a failure, and don’t have any good in you at all. 

So let’s look at some of these subtle little ideals that have been suggested to us.  Let’s take one that’s not so subtle.  Let’s take happiness.  Now if you have happiness, you think you’ll have everything.  There are numerous books under various, names and each one of them give “how-to’s” of getting happiness; and you’ll buy them all. 

The illusion is that I think I’ll be happy when I get things the way I want them; but if that should somehow come somewheres close, it’s so fleeting that I hardly notice it.  And if I take notice of it, it isn’t long before I think of more, better or different things I think I need to be happy.  Do you know what happiness is?

(No.)

I don’t know either.  Do you know?

(Love?)

You take something away from him, honey; and then give it back. (Laughter)

So happiness is having what you don’t have.  Is that the way it comes out?

(No.)

What is it dear?

(Happiness is something that emanates from within, not something you can find.)

Where do you get it from within?  All I’ve seen come out from within I didn’t want to be bothered with.  (Laughter)  That’s what they have a sanitation department for.

That phrase sounds pretty.  Somebody said if you sit perfectly still for one hour, then you can just go in there and find it.  I have been looking inside these human minds for years, and I’m not so sure I want to know about it. 

So what is happiness? Now we’ve all been told about it and we’ve all struggled for it.  Have you been trying to be happy?  Have you succeeded?

(No, I haven’t.)

Haven’t made it, but you’re still struggling for it.  The ideal is to be happy.  We’ve been told that we should have love, and so we go looking to see if we have love.  And sure enough, I come up with the thoughts that I don’t know whether you love me or not.  And, unconsciously, II make every effort to see that you don’t.  (Laughter)

Basically we wonder about it over and over—“does that person love me”.  Probably not.  It doesn’t matter one way or the other—but probably not, they probably just enjoy you and they have pleasant sensations around you; and so then, you decide that you’re used, you know, you’re not really loved at all.  (Laughter)

So the ideal is held out for happiness and happiness is that which you don’t have.  If you spend enough money in buying up things or you do enough exercises or you do enough of this or that or enough people treat you a certain way then you will be what?

(Same way you were before?)

No matter what anybody does or doesn’t do, it’s never quite enough.  So we have this little ideal set up; and we constantly struggle towards something we think is happiness.  So any ideal is an illusion.  Do you know what an illusion is?  That’s something that I can visualize; but there is nothing there to base it upon.  In other words it is an inside job.  So the illusion is something that we generate within and then we struggle toward it. 

Now most anything can be set up as an illusion for you.  Achieving a certain exercise—achieving a certain weight.  (Laughter.)

She used to run a weight class.  She wrote three books on how to lose weight.  She’s only gained 15 pounds since she wrote the book.

(No, it’s more like 50 pounds.)

Ok, 50 pounds.  Before then she was just plump, now she’s plain fat. 

Anyway you can struggle towards illusion.  The more you struggle the more it eludes you.  So what is the major illusion that one is looking for.

(Slenderness.)

Slenderness in one case.  You don’t even try that anymore, do you honey?

Now, he’s trying to look prosperous. (More laughter) If he just puts enough tailor-made clothes over it--cover it up and make it look wonderful—what will he really have?   He and I go to the same joint to get our clothes, and we have a little fun down there.

They’re great on deliveries.  I went down the other day and said, “Look 90 days ago, 92 days ago I ordered 4 shirts from you.  I haven’t seen a shirt.”  They gave me a whole bunch of stuff.  I said, “I didn’t come here for excuses, I come here for shirts.”  Blah blah blah.  I said, “Well, I’ve forgotten what the shirts look like, and I don’t have anything to wear them with after all this time, so just give me some ties.” “You got a bunch of ties hanging there; I’ll take those instead of the shirts.”  They said, “Oh we can’t do that because the shirts were made for you.”  I said, “I know, but I’ve ‘growed’ since then, they wouldn’t even fit me.”  (Laughter)  “I don’t want them.”  So we played games for a while; and I had a little entertainment and left. It’s immaterial.  So no matter what happens, you can have some fun out of these situations.

Now the ideal with these is that everybody ought to do what they say they’re going to do.  We think -- I could live with it if people would just be honest.  But if we care to notice, there are two or more personalities in everybody-- everybody we come in contact with; and one of those personalities says and does one thing; and the other personality in them says and does something else.  You know that as well as I do if you’ve been watching.  So how do you expect to obtain your illusion that everybody’s going to be honest when they aren’t even aware of what they’re going to say or do? Twelve years ago he told me was going to do so and so, and now look what he’s doing?  Right? 

We have these varied illusions that we pursue.  We think we can somehow have them.  I hear people talking about having security—now that is a beaut—do you know what it is? 

(A blanket?)

What is security?  Tell me about that, huh?

(Lioness’s blanket.)

Lioness’s blanket, ok, but sometimes you have to launder it and use a tonic, so there’re times he can’t have it either.  What is security?  Did you ever work to that end?  That’s an illusion.  What is it?  What else could we come up with that we think that we have?  How many have struggled to have security?  Did you ever work for that one along with happiness? 

(Family.)

Family—togetherness—togetherness.  And man when you get them all together, you suddenly want them all to disperse, huh?

(Right.) 

So what we want is an ideal and what is that?  It’s “this” and “that” at the same time.  The things that various and sundry people have offered us or suggested to us--this one here while another one has offered that one over there.  Most of it has both sides of it.  Then we decide we want two different things.  Now I want pleasure, but I also want freedom.  Now I want security and I want freedom.  Now let’s try that one on.

(Oh boy!)

Now the best security that I could conceive of is get a life sentence.  Now they throw you out after 8 years, so you still haven’t got it.  but if you had a life sentence that in a federal penitentiary that could not be commuted, you’d almost be secure for as long as you live because you have free medical service, you have free bed, free room, free meals, free plumbing and free clothing.

(Free companions too.)

Free companionship and everything—you got the whole works, but you don’t have any freedom.  So if I want both—what’s really going on?  Can you get both at the same time? 

(It won’t work.)

Impossible.  Now then. Of course, I don’t have the ideal.  You want both?  Would you like security and freedom?

(No.)

What do you want?

(Freedom.)

And if you want freedom, then you struggle to get it.  Do you think you know how to get it?

(No.)

You don’t.  And freedom would only be the point of not being manipulated within.   As long as I have the urge for the four dual basic urges, anybody can come along and offer me something and I’m caught back in it.  I can even imagine that if I had something that I would have all of this and could keep all of this.  I can remember one day when I lived back on a farm in Kentucky—there was one Sunday afternoon that Mama, who was always on a rampage, was gone from home so everything was quiet and peaceful.  And I can remember that for a little bit and then I think, “just to live on a farm in Kentucky again, wouldn’t I be happy!”  But man, if I go back and look at those times and places, I want no part of it.

But that is happiness.  Many of you have some vague remembrances of a time when you were really happy—your first boyfriend when you were in Jr. High.  Man that was a thrill wasn’t it?

(Yes it was—the bloom of the first romance.)

And it felt like it would never end.  You imagined that it would never end--this is an enduring thing.  But some way or other, next week it was altogether somebody else.  So then this goes on and on for the ideal.

Now tell me some ideals that you have?

(To find God.)

So what is god, first off—and would that be somewhat of an ideal?  Would that make you have all of this and escape all of this if you found god.  Because he is all powerful, is he not; and he could bring all this about.

(It would be wonderful.)

Wouldn’t that be an ideal?  Or it might be the most horrible thing that ever happened to you.  It might be the human being in this state of existence was to come in contact with what he refers to as god might be devastating to him to say the least.  Did you ever think of that possibility?

Then you wouldn’t know whether it was going to give this or this or that over there.  Seems that God comes into being when man has peace of mind.  You could call it God or you could call it “truth” or you could call it something else.  But it’s not something you find because that implies that I’m smart enough to chase it down. 

Now it may occur or become aware to the person and come hunt you when you are worthy--worthiness meaning not that I’m “good” enough; but that I am to the point of being without “knowing” which are all the things that we’ve been talking about in this workshop today.  I see what shape I’m in—I’m totally manipulated.

So everything I do is manipulated--so something has manipulated me into looking for an ideal.  I don’t know how to stop it; and I can see that one thing I want is to be unmanipulated.  Then it’s possible that the person has a little bit of what you call being humble.  “I don’t know how.”  Do you see what being arrogant is?  “I know how to do everything.” 

So the person sees that what he truly wants is to be "unmanipulated", and he doesn’t know a thing in the world how to get it.  And in this, one has come to just a little bit of knowing what humility means.  It doesn’t mean walking around like a “bum” or anything of the sort—even Mr. Rich can be humble in his sartorial glory. 

When he and I dress up, why we put on a fashion show, but we can still be humble—that has nothing to do with it.  It’s knowing that “I don’t know how to approach this ultimate reality” that a few men have reported there is.  And that man seems to have some kind of feeling within that all of this we’ve talked about with being manipulated is so much trash—kinda “trashy” isn’t it?  It’s really not worth pursuing all the four dual basic urges because it doesn’t deliver happiness and only manipulates us into conflict and struggle.    But I don’t know how to go about ending it--that would be a little bit of humility, wouldn’t it? 

Do you know how to go about finding God?

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